For whatever reason, our readers seem to enjoy articles and lists about excessive drinking and (anti)socialite behavior, so we tend to allocate most of our day to said niche (if not textually, in reality).

We’ve done The Drunker You Are, The Harder You Fall and we’ve done the Top 10 Signs You Drank Too Much and have had success doing so.

We took what we learned, mixed in some public urination, threw in a little Hasselhoff, and dropped in a dash of Verne Troyer to come up with the (Not So Top) 10 More Signs You Drank Too Much.

In the words of Nic Cage, Here. We. Go.

10. You’re spooning a bench

9. You piss where you sleep where I wait for the bus

8. You’re trying to cheat on your wife with an ATM machine

7. You are the Hasselhoff

6. You just… The whole toilet

5. You’re this thing

4. You shouldn’t have been driving

3. The crosswalk is a crosscrawl

2. You were Santa

1. You are Verne Troyer and you’re on the run

Tags: beer, Drank too much, drunk, Top 10