15. Priced To Move
Personally, I like my rape as unadulterated as possible. There’s nothing worse than rape that has been marinated so long that you can no longer taste the oaky, fresh off the vine, rape taste that is quickly becoming an American favorite.
I prefer my rape with a dash of paprika.
14. In A Rich West Country Sauce
Try not to get Mr. Brain’s rich ‘West Country’ sauce all over your face. These faggots are some messy faggots.
13. Nuts On Your Bread
Limp Biscuit, anyone?
Hide your doughboys.
11. Available In Various Sizes And Races
I think I’ll stick with the marinated rape for $3.99/lb, this place looks expensive.
10. So Pure It Tastes Like Whatever You Mix It With
I get the feeling that Sarah Palin is behind this one.
9. Kickoff Crunch
Start your day with a roar… which will last about twenty-four seconds and then give way to the silent hum of solitude as your friends and family leave you in your (foreclosed) home to embark on a decade long journey seeking a brighter, more promising future in the golden land — Cleveland.
8. Why Pay More?
$3.99 is a great deal for 10 oz of Black Bear Balls. Throw in a few Black Bear Logs and for that price, I’ll be sucking down balls and logs for days.
7. Bargain Hunting
I much prefer a charbroiled double-cheeseburger and crabs, or even a basket of hot wings and herpes, but for that price I’ll take two.
6. I Wasn’t Thinking So Literally
All you need is a flask of this stuff and you’ll be blowing zeros. It’s really amazing stuff.
6. Can You Ever Have Too Much Pussi?
I just wish this Pussi came in the Barbecue variety. The only flavors I’ve been able to find are Seared Ahi Tuna Delight and Chunky Spunky Shellfish.
4. I’m A Coffee Drinker For This Reason
***Insert random tea-bagging joke***
3. Nothing Says Trimmer Waistlines Like AYDS
“With all the benefits of our HYV formula, AYDS features a patented time-release capsule to keep your clock ticking throughout the day.”
“FDA and CDC approved!”
2. A New Spin On An Old Classic
Why settle for mayonnaise when you can have Chang Hai Ming’s special cum Béarnaise? For starters, try Mr. Ming’s soup de jour — a frothy split peanis bisque served with oyster crackers.
1. I Usually Don’t Like Chocolate
But this, with a trusted name like Goatse, sounds fucking delicious!