5. The Burgundy Boner
Was it staged? Of course it was staged, but it sets the pace and the theme for today’s Top 5. Strong force and proud ownership make this untimely boner stand out from the rest.
4. The Poolside Speedo Boner
Was it staged? Unless this guy has a sense of humor about himself, this is a genuine untimely boner. His choice in Speedo over, well, anything else, further suggests this guy is all business, which renders it an honest boner.
Notice how there are no chicks in the pool – makes you wonder what he’s so excited about, right? He better put that thing to sleep before entering his lane – when you’re swimming for speed, the last thing you want is more drag than your belly already creates. Though I suppose he might be training, in which case his boner would act as parachute does to a sprinter training for the Olympics.
3. The Notorious Clinton Boner
I know that when you hear, “Clinton has a boner,” you immediately think of Hillary – But as you can see, it’s Slick Willy’s pride and joy.
Was it staged? The fact that Hillary is in the boat with him leads me to believe it’s staged, but the pronunciation of his camel tail suggests that it is in fact, an honest untimely boner.
Which is worse? Bill or Hillary naked… Throw Chelsea in the equation too and if you didn’t vomit before, I hope you didn’t eat tuna.
2. The Tool Teacher Boner
Was it staged? This, like the swimmer’s boner, is a toughie. Under what circumstances does a student get away with whipping out their cell phone and snapping a picture of Professor Dick Whycker‘s untimely boner?
All four expressions however, look genuine. The fact that two students are looking at the camera and not at the boner in question suggests surprise in the fact that someone would dare take a picture during class.
Notice the awkward hand positioning and uncomfortably sucked in stomach – both are difficult to accomplish naturally.
Final ruling: Genuine Untimely Boner.
1. The Tentpole Boner
Everyone knows that basketball shorts and chicks in bikinis go together like Mel Gibson and Jews – But the question remains, was it staged?
In examining the protrusion of the upper part of her cheek, the girl in the pink bikini appears to be smiling as if she knows what is going on behind her – a clue that this untimely boner could be staged. Her friend’s naturally unaware stance and the lady in the back’s inability to stomach the scene on the other hand, suggest the opposite.
But for the final ruling we must examine the subject himself. Look at the posture: legs partially crossed, farmer’s tan, awkwardness, arms folded over the stomach in an attempt to shade the boner without being obvious – all signs that this kid hasn’t seen many girls in bikinis. Circumstantially this untimely boner has only one ruling…
Final Decision: Organic Untimely Boner.
Other Stuff We Like:
Fun Stuff Do To With Your Mom (holytaco)
Bob Saget Meltdown (cameltap)
Kappa Kappa Drama (Banned)
Streakers At Petco (bustedcoverage)
Jenny McCarthy Bikini (drunkenstepfather)
Matt Damon Has Got It All Figured Out (celebslam)
Supporting the pins (banned)