I started compiling a folder full of images that offer mixed messages and this is what I came up with. Keep in mind that these are not in any particular order, seven is actually my favorite… Next to that Big Lebowski quote of course.
7. Shirt of Irony
Just a little food for thought – If you truly believe that “small is beautiful” you better quit honeymooning at Burger King. And if someone plays a magic trick on you and you do find yourself at Burger King, try to lay off the 30 cent bonus bacon. I know it’s tough, but please just try.
6. Conflicting Seasons
When I see a brother in snow gear on one bench and a possibly completely naked guy on another bench in the same picture, I think one thing – Cover your god forsaken saggy hairy man boobs.
Then once I’m over the disgusting nakedness and what appears to be winter attire during summer, I consider the black guy’s strategy. Maybe he knows something I don’t. Maybe all that gear is protecting him from the sun while the naked people bake in it.
Or more logically, maybe he’s in the middle of a 26 year long drinking binge that began in the winter of ’82.
5. Not an Exit Exit
You know some guy that has nothing better to do stuck that “Exit” sign up there and is waiting on the other side for his buddies to open up the door.
Once the guy who took this picture puts his camera away and pops open to door to see which sign is being a liar, that god damn guy on the other side of the door pops out and scares shit into the camera guy’s pants, at which time he uses his advantage to punch the camera guy in the face… Very strategic and well thought out.
4. Isn’t There An Easier Way?
I guess unscrewing the hook would have been too much work. So instead the geniuses in charge of safeguarding civilians from purse-thieves decided it was more practical to order another sign that negates the prior and install it a few inches higher.
Because of course laziness is the reason why the hook remains, the aforementioned geniuses decided that five screws would suffice instead of six.
3. Chick Not Taken Seriously
It’s not sexism Chick, they’re just making fun of you just like they would to someone named Harry Bonners. And to be fair, cutting your hair like a man is not going to get you a ride on the Equality Express, unless of course the Equality Express is headed for San Francisco’s Castro District.
2. Lose Something?
If that chick would just look a little higher she’d see the number she needs to call to get those fingers back. That or she needs to get ahold of Walter…
“You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon… with nail polish. These fucking amateurs…”
1. C’mon, Just Jump
Sure it’s forbidden, but c’mon, just do it…
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