30 Greatest Moments In Found Porn History
July 24, 2008
In honor of Maxim Magazine’s migration towards the opposite sex, I give you the 30 greatest moments in found porn history. For those of you who do not know, Maxim has a section they run called Found Porn, and if you don’t know what found porn is, be inventive and do a search. If you are easily offended, I recommend you steer your browser away from Banned In Hollywood immediately. Actually, just don’t use the internet at all.
30. Lumpy Love
29. Prevention at its finest.
28. Why use Crystal Shine when you can use Giz?
27. Seriously though, what wife?
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Reading Between The Craigslist Lines, Volume 1.
July 24, 2008
We here at Banned in Hollywood believe in true love. Personal ads can be confusing, so we want to facilitate the process for those looking for that somebody special on Craigslist. Fellas, step on up, we’ve found you the woman of your dreams.
Reply to: pers-766780676@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-23, 9:48AM PDT
I am currently a college student
at Devry
living on her own
because no one can stand me
and I would really appreciate help
cause life is hard and stuff!
from a Handsome and caring man.
someone who wants pussy but doesn’t want to do that whole prostitution thing.
I want someone who is not greedy
like me
and who is willing to spoil me…..
because I’m greedy.
Too Much Faith
July 23, 2008
With an attitude like that, I’d rather you be saved by Jesus too.
Harsh, Racist, But Completely Logical
July 23, 2008
I understand, but I don’t completely understand. The plant owner was robbed of a few shrubberies and was angry enough to go to Kinko’s and get a sign printed. OK. However his logic was a bit shoddy. And no, I’m not talking about the Spanish translation, makes perfect sense.
People from south of the border who speak Spanish are notorious for plant theft, as well as working and/or eating at fast food chains and having absolutely no standards as far as what women (who wear jeans covered in sparkles that are two sizes too small) they choose to sleep with. That all makes sense…. Read more
Connect The Dots
July 21, 2008
When you were younger you probably didn’t think it was weird that Donald Duck didn’t wear any pants but would put a towel around his waist when getting out of the shower. If you connect the dots, maybe he was trying to hide something similar to the above…
You can tell the black kid is trippin’ but doesn’t it look like the chick is a bit interested? I mean, she is scared, but definitely interested.
Thanks for all your help Eddie.
Popularity of Beer Pong Leads to Cold Sore Transmission
July 21, 2008
(AP ATLANTA) A new report today from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports that HSV-1, the virus that causes cold sores is on the rise for beer pong players aged 17-21. The precipitous jump (up 230% from 2007) has caused concern for a number of school officials and parents.
“This epidemic is something we should pay close attention to. We’re aware that we cannot outright prevent [beer pong], so we have provided new red cups available to all students in the dorms,” said President of Arizona State University, Michael M. Crow.
President Crow supported prohibition-only alcohol education before his term but has since changed his position.
Adding, “As young adults, the responsibility falls on their shoulders to make the best possible decisions. At the end of the day, we hope they take a long look before playing.”
Of those polled, 9 out of 10 would practice unsafe pong with this player.
Janet Henderson, whose son Jake is a sophomore at Harvard, wants him to think long and hard.
“Ideally, I’d love for my son to wait until he gets his diploma before playing, but kids will be kids. I did all I could to teach him the consequences of unprotected beer pong play, but he needs to make the decision for himself.”
Janet recalled, “His father and I met after he made a double bounce to send it to three cup overtime. I fell in love with his smooth, quick release . It was perfectly timed and he could hit his target when the pressure was on.”
Dr. Cole Desorio, a CDC spokesman, urges students to find new games to play,
“Flip cup is great because each individual has their own cup. If it’s absolutely necessary to play beer pong, use the waterfall method. Many young adults, when asked if they practice safe pong, responded that they rinse the ball after it bounces off the table. CDC statistics have shown that rinsing has a negligible effect on the prevention of HSV transmission.” He went on the record, “We’re here to educate students on the dangers of [beer] pong and other casual drinking games. If we can get just one person to abstain, we’ve done our job.”
CDC Safe Pong Tips:
-Discard cups after every use, reusing cups can compromise their protective integrity
-Get tested regularly
-Stacking cups can spread the risk of transmission of HSV
-Beirut is not a safer alternative to beer pong
-Remember! Alcohol may impair the ability to practice pong safely
BIH Safe Pong Tips:
- Use a clean beer pong table rather than a closet door.
Like Your Friend’s Sister, An Additional Four Dollars Gets You An Open Box.
July 17, 2008
HT: Scott
Reasons 11-20 To Hate The Yankees (Because the first 10 can write themselves)
July 14, 2008
11) Jason Giambi’s mustache.
Originally, it was conceived as a way to grow hair that didn’t serve as a forensic record of a decade of steroid abuse. However, since growing in, Jason Giambi’s mustache has starred in thirty four adult films, including one where the slugger’s mustache serves porn starlets penetrated by Louisville Sluggers to inner city children at Yankee Stadium, called “The Twicecream Man”.
12) Joba Chamberlain’s adamant refusal to enter the game to the music from Return of the Jedi.
13) Digging up the planted Red Sox jersey.
In the interests of full disclosure, I will say here that burying that jersey in the first place was frankly a retarded stunt, and some Bronx born guido needs to shut the fu©k up about “Red Sox Nation”. That being said, the Yankees paid $88/hr to union workers to come in on a Sunday and dig it up. For those keeping score at home, the Yankees literally have (and will spend) “f-ck you” money. Read more
BROOMRAPE
July 14, 2008
I imagine that dead end is not where you want to wind up if you get lost and turned around. Now for all you 3 commenters who were about to write, “well this isn’t funny at all, broomrape is a type of plant! And I know this because I am a douchebag!” I looked up the word, and you’re right, broomrape is a type of plant, but it is also me shoving a broom up your @ss.
How To Save Money At The Pump
July 11, 2008
Piss in your tank. Bald, beer bellied and sockless is nice, but the beer on the trunk is the finishing touch.
