WTF

There’s really nothing less attractive than Fergie. First she pisses her pants on stage and I give her the benefit of the doubt that the piss came from a vagina. Now this? An explicitly testicular cockgrab?

What’s next, Lady GaGa is a hermaphrodite?

Via Unstructed

So you’re just driving down the road and a horse (no, not Sarah Jessica Parker) jumps off of your windshield, crushing it, and leaps over your car. Just another day in LA…

If there were a way to quantify YouTube uploaders and rank them in descending order on a scale of quality, Steve Sutton would comfortably sit at the bottom of the list – just below Alabama native Tawnisha Jones and her canon of standard definition ass-shaking videos.

Less is more when it comes to Steve Sutton’s biography, but it helps to know the man’s key selling points, and for this we thank Something Awful for providing a thorough Q&A. It goes something like:

Q: Who do you live with?
A: My mom, brother, nephew and niece.
Q: Where do you work?
A: I’m currently unemployed.
Q: Are you looking for work?
A: After looking for five years, I gave up.

It’s nice of Steve to give something back to the community that’s been paying his internet bills for the past 5+ years. My iced tea no longer tastes like cardboard.

I have no idea why anyone would film a car being towed, but we’ll take it at face value and assume that this video is legitimate. This tow truck driver gets the job done quicker than Verne Troyer at a tranny-whore-house in Tijuana.

MSNBC reports that in an effort to make plastic dolls more interesting to children growing up in an era of video games and computers, Mattel released a line of Barbie Dolls that aim to make three-year-old girls more sexually promiscuous.

The dolls come with half-sleeves and tramp-stamps, but don’t worry mom and dad, the tattoos are removable — so if you’re unhappy with the slutty lower-back tat, move it above Barbie’s crotch for a more genuine street-whore look.

Pick up Spearmint Rhino Barbie for your three-year-old before supplies run out.

Keep your eye out for Ron Jeremy Ken, in stores this December just in time for Christmas. Comes in a big package, has a big package.

The only things I know about Oregon are that the state is above California, they get snow now and then, there’s a game about a trail up there that I used to always lose at because all I did was hunt, and they have a college who’s athletic teams are called the Beavers (should be called the Doners).

Now I know another life changing fact — their citizens dress anteaters in sweaters.

See what happens when you piss standing up, idiot?

This idiot claims to be psychic, but when the talk show host questions him about his powers, he freaks, rips off his microphone, and rolls around on the hardwood floor. I know this guy isn’t nuts–he’s just acting like an idiot to pull in some quick cash from the idiots who call in.

Tom Cruise pulled a similar stunt on Oprah, only he wasn’t trying to make some cash by pretending to be psychic, he’s just an idiot.

8 Coaches Who Are Also Douche Bags (Holy Taco)

Electro Man Summons Star Wars Music (Double Viking)

Jenna Jameson Is Officially A Baby Momma (Busted Coverage)

Jennifer Lopez Delivers THE Sports Quote Of 2009 (Extra Mustard)

15 Amazing Tattoos Of Celebrities (Uncoached)

A Photo Gallery Of Drunk St. Patty’s Day Girl Debauchery (COED Magazine)

Kid Can’t Figure Out How To Kick A Ball (Gorillamask)

The 10 Raddest Racing Games Of All Time (Spike)

1,000 Ways To Open A Beer (Sublime Directory)

Madonna Is About To Lose Her Mind (WWTDD)

Heather Graham Can Still Rock A Bikini (Celebrity Odor)

Katy Perry In Lingerie For FHM Russia (Camel Tap)

The World’s Biggest Shocker (Don Chavez)

Experience St. Patrick’s Day In 30 Seconds (Epic Carnival)

5 Ridiculous (Safe For Work) Fetishes (Cracked)

If you’re like me, playing golf is not enjoyable without a tall cool can of beer in one hand, and a tall cool can of beer in the other.

But what are you supposed to do when you’ve had too much to drink and need to use the restroom while stranded on the middle of the course?

Take a leak in the bushes? Gasp. How embarrassing!

With the Uro Club your troubles are finally over. While you’re standing on the green waiting for your buddies to putt, simply remove the stealthy Uro Club from your bag, secure the provided Uro Towel around your waist, unzip your pants and insert your penis into the club’s massive black shaft–now piss away!

Even while they watch you fumble for your junk, sigh, and begin to shiver, your friends will never suspect a thing!

Never be embarrassed by anything but your golf game again–buy the Uro Club today!

(fun in the golden shower squirt toy attachment sold separately)

–”Mike, can I borrow that green towel you’ve got draped over your genitals?”

–”Dammit Jim, can’t you see that I’m checking out my club?”