Terry Trent, 44, has been charged with burglary after calmly breaking into an Ohio family’s home and putting up their Christmas decorations.

The NY Daily News reports,

Cops in Vandalia, north of Dayton, say Terry Trent, 44, was high on the designer drug when he broke into a family’s home, put up some Christmas decorations and then plopped down on a couch to watch television, local station WHIO reported.

An 11-year-old boy who lives in the house found the strung-out stranger and called his mother, Tamara Henderson, who was at a neighbor’s house.

She said, “What do you mean a man is in our house? You don’t know if he has a gun or if he has a knife?” the station reported.

Henderson called 911, and Trent was arrested without incident.

Cops say he was armed with a pocket knife.

But Henderson suspects the decorating bandit was just looking for a festive spot to soak in his buzz.

“The candle was lit on the coffee table, the television was on and very loud,” she told the station.

“He had said to [my son] ,’I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll get my things and go.’”

Now that is what I call the holiday spirit — and they’re trying to make snorting bath salts illegal, shows how much they know.

Dwarf porn star Percy Foster was found partially eaten and dead in a badger den in the U.K..

The little star of such films as Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Ass We Go was on the cusp of celebrity when he landed a role as Gordon Ramsay’s (of Hell’s Kitchen) doppelganger porn double.

According to a report in U.K. tabloid The Sunday Sport, the 3’6″ actor was found “deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing program near Tregaron, west Wales,” however suicide has been ruled out.

In a recent interview, the 35-year-old pint-sized Percy showed enthusiasm about his resemblance to Ramsay, “Porn lookalikes get more money than normal actors. Dwarf lookalikes are as rare as hen’s teeth and so can command top dollar.

“I’ve already ordered a new BMW and a diamondencrusted Soda Stream,” said the little doppelganger.

The segment had promise and could have been funny if homeboy Dan fucking Rather wasn’t so forceful and aggressive in making his subjects sound so ‘outa town.’ Subtlety is key, as is varying your demographic — that is if you’re interested in holding on to that high-ranking position of yours.

You’d hope that by the time your hair went gray you’d stop acting like such a douche. But then again, I’m sure that no one expects to voice crackingly host a sports segment for a local affiliate at a nearby University after their hair turns reluctantly to salt and pepper.

It’s one of those sad moments.

Homeboy’s name is Bob Oschack and the LA Times has more.

Our aporogies.

What does that spell? REDNECK!

Poverty and ignorance are often no joke, but the crimes of rednecks often are. From citing Redneck as a religion on a police report to choosing a burglary outfit that looks more like a demented grandma Halloween costume, rednecks are good at committing crimes most hilariously.

Drunk Driving

Drunk driving kills a lot of people every year, which is not very funny at all. However, Kelly Michael Bachmeier was probably trying to think of ways he could help lighten the stigma surrounding drunk driving when he got into his pickup truck completely naked and completely drunk. He was driving down the wrong side of US 19 when cops caught him and pulled him over.

The police had to taser him just so he would exit the vehicle, and he was dragged down to the precinct naked for his mugshot. Criminology says that drunk driving is done primarily by males, and combines the very American sports of drinking and pursuing leisure activities into one dangerous event. However, rednecks don’t care about criminology studies or statistics; you’re just as likely to see a redneck woman driving under the influence as you are a man. One woman, the oddly named Crystal M Vanderschaaf, was wasted as she sideswiped another car on a highway (also in Florida) — while her 3 year old baby was in the back.

At least Bachmeier had the sense not to bring any children along. Maybe he just didn’t have any handy. The best news story of drunk driving, however, comes from Pennsylvania. A 63-year-old woman crashed her motorized scooter at 4:30AM, flipping it over in the alleyways of her trailer park. The report said she had been “crawling around her yard”.

Ridiculous Weaponry

Florida seems to be a white trash magnet — the dumbest, most ridiculous crimes seem to stem from Florida. From absolutely retarded teenagers taping their ‘friend’ getting a beating before uploading it to YouTube, to dingus adults stabbing the disabled after mistaking sign language for gang signs, there is no end to the ridiculous crimes Florida can produce.

In Daytona, a man used an alligator as his weapon of choice against his girlfriend, swinging it in her face as she tried to escape the couple’s apartment. David Havenner had been keeping the alligator in his bath tub, using it against her only after he had punched the woman and thrown beer bottles at her in their trailer. In another appropriately WTF twist, Havenner claims that the pair were arguing because his girlfriend bit his hand, upset that they had run out of alcohol.

Havenner was sentenced to six months in jail. Havenner isn’t the only one to use a deadly animal as a weapon; Tony Smith of North Carolina used a snake to threaten a man complaining that the music coming from his hotel room was too loud. He was charged with assault and battery, but scared the crap out of Jeffrey Culp, who admitted to being terrified by snakes before the attack.

Family Fun

Rednecks and white trash lunatics usually commit the craziest crimes against their own families. Just look at the Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia, a heart-wrenching documentary about an extremely large and trashy family who is known throughout their community for being mean, ignorant criminals who enjoy nothing more than drugs, alcohol, and fighting. With multiple family members locked up in prison or on probation for being career criminals, it is the neglected children who suffer the most in the midst of substance abuse, little education, and crime.

However, neglected children are not part of ‘hilarious redneck crimes’ and will therefore be disregarded from this point on — except for Shon Robinson, an absolute baby trapped in a 22 year old man’s body. When Robinson asked to borrow his mother’s car, she said no and braced for the temper tantrums she was so used to enduring when he failed to get his way. Robinson promptly retreated upstairs, grabbed a gun, and began destroying his own house. He shot through the windows, walls and ceilings until his mother used her excellent parenting skills to deter him — by smashing him over the head with a glass jar.

Amazingly, it worked, and Robinson ran away with his tail tucked between his legs. He was charged with Having Weapons Under Disability, which we can only imagine was ‘moron’. At least he wasn’t trying to murder anyone, unlike a man in — surprise, Florida — who tried to murder his wife by driving his truck into the Wafflehouse where she waitressed. Charles Patrick O’Bryan failed to kill her, despite his pickup truck being rammed through the storefront, and emerged from the vehicle with a knife. Instead of attacking his wife, however, he was stopped by an upstanding citizen who grabbed a metal shard and protected her until the authorities arrived.

Alcohol Rules All

Rednecks love to drink. Have you ever heard of a white trash citizen or blazing redneck who didn’t? Constant drinking not only destroys your liver, but it corrodes the mind as well. Evidence of this is commonly seen within the redneck community, as crime and incidents related to alcohol are rampant.

Getting drunk can especially be a problem if the drinker has a date with her probation officer. 21 year old Jessalyn knew she was in trouble when her probation meeting was fast approaching; she would much rather be drinking than trying to put her life back in order. Instead of calling in sick or faking a family emergency like most people who are trying to weasel out of an obligation, Jessalyn simply had her friends stab her in the arms and stomach. As if that wasn’t dumb enough, Jessalyn and her two stupid friends were too wasted to keep their loud, drunk mouths shut at the emergency room — and confessed almost immediately.

She now faces up to five years in prison for having herself stabbed. Another drunk dingus, only 18 years old, was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at an illegal party in Alabama. He had initially tried to run, but the police tackled him without much trouble. Bound at the wrists, he then took off again — and jumped into a lake, where he would have drowned if one of the arresting officers hadn’t been nice enough to drag him out. It was at least less violent than Brandon Smelser’s crime, who was having a party in Kansas when he was arrested.

Apparently, no one hates crappy beer more than Smelser, who stabbed his ‘friend’ for showing up to the party with Natty Light. He is being charged with attempted murder while the other boy sits in the hospital with life-threatening injuries.

[bquote]Police to man: stop wearing a bunny suit in public, you’re frightening the children. Man to police: But I enjoy wearing the suit.[/bquote]

Police in Idaho Falls have taken the next step in what residents are calling an age old case of “is that a man in a bunny suit hiding behind a tree, pointing his finger like a gun at my kid?” by telling William Falkingham, 34, to stop wearing the controversial cottontail habiliments.

In a statement Tuesday, police said that Falkingham occasionally wears a tutu with the bunny suit. Reuters reports,

Police warned Falkingham after a woman said she saw him dressed in the costume, peeking at her young son from behind a tree and pointing his finger like a gun.

Most residents in the police report are “greatly disturbed” by his activities festivities, but one resident defended him as eccentric but otherwise harmless.

“He’s got the bunny outfit, a cowboy suit and a ballerina dress but you don’t see him except where he’s tripping through his backyard,” Deborah Colson told Reuters. “He’s got a strange lifestyle at home but we all do weird things at home.”

This raises an important debate over freedom of expression, and while I understand how Falkingham’s actions and attire could me misconstrued as “unsettling” or “upsetting” or “creepy” or “disturbing” or “alarming” or “frightening” or “fucking weird,” I just don’t think a world where I cannot dress as a bunny in a tutu and pretend to shoot little kids from the cover of vegetation is a world I want to live in.

This ranks up there with that one time daytime TV star Kurt Cobain died when his pirate style monocular exploded in his face while he was birdwatching at his house.

Shame.

The only problem being that the Harry Baals Government Center is not only one of the naming options, it’s the leading vote-getter by a margin of over 6,000 votes.

While Harry Baals (Bawlz) was a popular mayor in the 1930′s, Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy told the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette that naming the center after Baals, regardless of vote count, is unlikely as it would make the city “look bad”.

However, supporters on the site express different feelings,

“Naming this building after a long term past politician is what most communities do. Who cares that the name is what it is. It’s about honoring a public servant.”

The Journal Gazette reports that Baals descendants now pronounce their last name “Bales,” which we completely disagree with… which is why we are kindly providing the link to the poll here. You can make each vote count as three and suggest you do so.

You know what to do.

Click the button below to vote now.

Source: Digtriad

While this excerpt taken from the YouTube description sounds unbelievable, I did some research of my own and found out it’s almost completely accurate. It goes something like –

“Chaos at a Tuesday night City Council meeting in Carson, California, was caught on videotape. The tape shows Vera Robles Dewitt, a former councilmember leading an effort to recall Mayor Jim Dear, hitting Commissioner Jan Schaefer on the head with some papers. After being struck, “Schaefer waited a beat or two, then let out a blood-curdling shriek and rolled onto the floor in apparent agony,” acc More..ording to Daily Breeze newspaper.

Mayor Dear called for DeWitt to be arrested, and after the meeting was adjourned — after midnight — DeWitt was arrested on suspicion of battery. She was immediately released after her arrest.

“From where I stood, it was a crime,” said Capt. Todd Rogers of the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. “It was an intentional act of violence against another person. We’re investigating it as a crime.”

Rogers described the blow as a “bip,” according to the Daily Breeze. Asked whether Schaefer’s reaction seemed delayed, Dear said she appeared stunned. “It looked like a senior citizen who, unexpectedly, got hit on the head by a hostile person,” said Dear. “It upset her to the point where she actually fell forward and lost her balance and fell onto the ground due to the hit on the head.”

“It was a little peck,” Robert Lesley, a recall supporter told the newspaper. “And then she rolls out on the floor. And I just said, ‘Oh man, here we go.’ “”

LA Times reports,

Under the settlement, DeWitt agreed to be put in an 18-month diversion program, under which she will pay $1,500 in restitution costs, take 52 hours of anger management classes and participate in 100 hours of community service. A restraining order issued against DeWitt must be resolved in civil court with attorneys for Schaefer.

Pictured above is Cathy Cruz Marrero, the female YouTube sensation who fell into a Pennsylvania mall fountain while texting on her cell phone and not paying attention to where she was going.

While the internet laughs at her own stupidity, Marrero doesn’t find the humor in the wet and extremely embarassing ordeal.

Instead she claims she could have been seriously injured, like super injured even, and is suing the Berkshire Mall on the grounds that security laughed at her instead of helping — which is the same route the judge will likely take.

Strange.

The same thing happened to me last week. I was texting on my iPhone and when I looked up, the car I was driving slammed into a motorcycle and consequently I crashed into the 101 center divider. I could have been seriously injured like the guy on the bike so I’m suing California.

Actually I’m only suing Arnold, not Jerry Brown because I’m Dem.

The ashes of an anonymous woman’s father and two Danes were stolen from her home in central Florida on December 15th along with electronic equipment and jewelry.

Authorities had no leads until early last week when 5 teenagers were arrested for another burglary and after questioning, confessed to stealing the Florida woman’s urns.

“The suspects mistook the ashes for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine,” the police report explains.

After realizing they were snorting man and beast, the kids allegedly contemplated returning the ashes but instead opted to throw them in a nearby lake, fearing their fingerprints might be on the urn.

Police divers are attempting to recover the ashes and the teens were jailed on several charges.

Like I’ve always said, this is what happens when kids listen to Rock & Roll.