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• Handyman Kidnapped, Forced To Do Repair Jobs [2:37]

  In Offbeat News / 5 December 2012 / 0 comments

  

  …now fix my f*cking panini sandwich maker, bitch.

   

• Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Percy Foster Found Eaten, Dead In A Badger Den

  In Fail News, Offbeat News / 16 September 2011 / 0 comments

  

   

• Police To Man: Stop Wearing That Bunny Suit

  In Fail News, Featured, Offbeat News / 3 August 2011 / 1 comment

  

  [bquote]Police to man: stop wearing a bunny suit in public, you’re frightening the children. Man to police: But I enjoy wearing the suit.[/bquote] Police in Idaho Falls have taken the next step in what residents [...]

   

• Abortionplex Is Alive And Kicking On Yelp

  In Offbeat News / 1 June 2011 / 0 comments

  

  Last week we reported on several facebook users’ responses to The Onion’s net-famed Abortionplex article that boasted of an $8 billion Topeka, Kansas death center funded by Planned Parenthood — “a sprawling abortion facility that [...]

   

• The Man Never Did Get His Burritos

  In Offbeat News / 21 March 2011 / 0 comments

  

  When it comes to violent emotional breakdowns and faux Mexican food, like most things in Texas they do it big. MSNBC reports that a patron entered a Taco Bell in San Antonio and upon finding [...]

   

• Norwegian Boy Scares Off Wolves By Playing Creed

  In Offbeat News / 24 January 2011 / 0 comments

  

  A 13-year-old Norwegian boy escaped a pack of wolves by playing them Creed’s single Overcome, authorities want to know what the kid was doing listening to Creed’s single Overcome.

   

• Guy Swallows Entire Bag of Cocaine, Takes Greatest Mugshot Ever

  In Offbeat News / 2 December 2010 / 3 comments

  

  It was a typical day in the life of 18-year-old Art Taylor of Massachusetts until reds and blues lit up behind him while attempting to change lanes without signaling.

   

• Porta Potty Piss Trash Can Allows You To Piss While Taking Out The Garbage

  In Offbeat News / 10 December 2009 / 0 comments

  

  The piss-can is meant to be placed outside of popular bars and sporting events to keep drunks from peeing all over walls, streets and trees, but I prefer the porta-pisser for at home use. Remember [...]

   

• Semi-Attractive Blonde Beats Speeding Tickets With “I’m Pretty” Sign

  In Offbeat News / 13 September 2009 / 2 comments

  

  In Washington State, Dasha, the only semi-attractive blonde in the state took her friend’s advice and painted “ATTN: Police Please Do Not Pull Me Over Just Because I’m Pretty” onto her car window and claims [...]

   

• Eddie Gaedel, Shortest Man To Ever Play Major League Baseball

  In Offbeat News / 19 August 2009 / 0 comments

  

  While Jonathan Broxton blew yet another Dodger game last night against the St. Louis Cardinals after walking Albert Pujols, Vin Scully attempted to entertain viewers by doing a miniature segment on the shortest baseball player [...]

   

• Unusually Small People Call For Ban Of The Word ‘Midget’

  In Offbeat News / 6 July 2009 / 4 comments

  

  “The sub-species is created in midget-mills and survives off a strict diet of sugar packets and Keebler brand cookies…” After contestants in an April episode of NBC’s Celebrity Apprentice created a detergent ad called “Jesse [...]

   

• Comic Writer Searched By TSA For Carrying Script About Writer Under Suspicion By TSA

  In Offbeat News / 28 June 2009 / 0 comments

  

  Comics writer Mark Sable was intensively searched by the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) after they found a script in his possession about a writer who gets detained and intensively searched for writing a comic about terrorism [...]

   

• Real Life Farva Buys McDonald’s Famous Spit-McMuffin

  In Offbeat News / 17 June 2009 / 5 comments

  

  Let this be a lesson to all the fatasses who eat at McDonald’s everyday. AP Michigan reports, “Authorities said a man faces a felony charge after allegedly spitting on a police officer’s McDonald’s breakfast sandwich. [...]

   

• Jedi Do

  In Offbeat News / 4 May 2009 / 0 comments

  

  In what’s being heralded by wedding videographer Tony Salvino as “the only time no one got laid on or after a wedding — people tried, both sexes, but no one could figure out how things [...]