Pop Culture

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa–287 bikini-wearing South African women paraded down 1,690 meters of Melrose Arch Boulevard-setting the new world record for the Largest Bikini Parade.

With high spirits the women led by SABC1’s Live presenter Bonang Matheba celebrated their femininity by making a difference in creating awareness for breast cancer in South Africa, as Special K® made a donation to the non-profit breast cancer awareness group, Pink Link.

What better way to get a couple-hundred beautiful bikini-clad women over to your house than a record breaking breast cancer parade? You know the boob-march ends in the backyard of the Kellogg’s CEO.

Some day I’m going to throw a bikini parade with 288 almost naked women in the name of testicular cancer, and that parade will end in my backyard.

And it won’t end there…

After More Than Half A Million Votes Cast, Don Draper #1 on AskMen.com’s Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2009

Los Angeles, California (October 6, 2009) – AskMen.com the world’s largest lifestyle portal for men with more than 11 million visitors monthly, revealed its highly anticipated 4th annual reader-voted list of the Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2009 today.

The list assembles a diverse collection of men from around the world and from a variety of industries including entertainment, politics, technology, and sports. All the honorees had a direct effect on the way men see the world, and notably in 2009, many reflect classic values that are most meaningful to the male identity today.

“In a turbulent 2009, men are seeking the stability of tradition in the masculine qualities that they imagine their fathers and grandfathers to have had,” says James Bassil, Editor-in-Chief of AskMen.com. “The character of Don Draper brings all these traits together, and in doing so speaks directly to the modern man. He’s a man whose time has come.”

Others on the list embody a host of classic qualities; Usain Bolt as the personification of competitive and athletic ability, President Barack Obama asthe male portrait of classic statesmanship, Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs as pillars of entrepreneurial spirit and determination.

For the complete list of 2009’s most influential men head on over to AskMen.

After reading some of the reviews floating around the internet, I was a bit skeptical coming in to see Tucker Max’s new film “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.” Entering the Arclight Dome, I nearly ate shit trying to climb up to the press section on my crutches. Great start. Luckily a cute usher came to my aid, and I got a healthy view of cleavage for my efforts with none of the guilt. And handicapped people think they have it rough.

Without giving too much away, the story centers around three friends Tucker (Matt Czuchry), Drew (Jesse Bradford), and Dan (Geoff Stults) who set off to the holy grail of strip clubs to give the soon-to-be groom, Dan, a bachelor party before he exchanges vows with his adorable fiance Kristy (Keri Lynn Pratt).

Jesse Bradford absolutely stole the show. Drew’s constant barrage of one-liners reminded me of a nerdy, woman-hating Don Rickles. His quick wit is matched only by stripper Lara (Marika Dominczyk) who seems to be the only one to effectively put him in his place.

Czuchry and Stults equally delivered with their performances, the latter carefully acting to counter-balance the former’s raging narcissism. Though most college men wish they could be Tucker, more probably identify with Dan who manages to have fun while being in monogamous relationship.

What I soon learned was that critics who had reviewed the film neglected the most important part of the viewing experience. Was the film funny? Absolutely and undeniably. It accomplished what it set out to do: make the audience hurt with laughter, rarely leaving time for them to breathe.

Max has already caught the attention of feminist groups on his premiere tour. The ironic part about their insistence to protest a film they haven’t seen is that their viewpoint of Max is clearly articulated and framed within the narrative. Many of the female characters reject and call out Tucker for being a misogynist asshole. Two in particular get their sweet revenge, leading to one of the most epic shit scenes in film history (an oft-ignored cinematic staple).

The one disappointing aspect of the premiere experience was the question and answer session. Some of questions had to be among the worst on tour (”Do you get emails about Tucker Max death mix?” “Can you re-enact the Tucker/Slingblade dialog from the book?” “Can we see your ass?”… asked by a dude). Luckily M.C. Bill Dawes was able to save the sinking ship by humorously deflecting the lame requests.

I wanted to hear Tucker expand more on the unique approach to making and releasing the film. Few times has an independent film with broad comic appeal seen wide release and even fewer have seen box office success. The fact that he’s opted not to go the traditional distribution route but instead chosen to self-release makes it all the more remarkable. But make no mistake, if Tucker is successful in his approach, he could be to film what Trent Reznor is to the music industry.

Tucker and Nils mentioned that they had plans for sequels with everyone in the cast signed on with the exception of Bradford. I can’t really blame Jesse though, his role made the film and he’s going to be looking for a huge payday after the final box office receipts have been tallied. He’d be worth every penny.

Additional highlights include:

-Drew Curtis of Fark referencing the Glenn Beck 1990 rape joke of which a handful in the crowd got.

-Mark Ebner’s catcalls from the press gallery.

-An Armenian apologizing for the existence of Glendale. Long overdue, I might add.

*It’s a well known fact that every movie review title must contain an oh-so-clever pun. Hey, I don’t make the rules.

If you’ve been to Vegas but have never been to the Hard Rock Hotel to party at Rehab, you haven’t really seen Vegas.

You’ve been called on by prostitutes roaming the strip, you’ve puked down the straw of your 80 oz. margarita filled guitar and woke up at 6 am. next to a blond and an empty bottle of Don Julio at the Bellagio pool despite your engagement to an unhappy woman waiting for you to come home to your room at Mandalay Bay, but unless you have gone to Rehab, you haven’t seen the scantily-clad women and the excessive debauchery that make the Hard Rock pool on Sundays the greatest party in Las Vegas.

If you are this unlucky person who is yet to attend the hottest party on the strip, you’re in luck because TruTV is bringing the sex, the booze, the fights and the babes of Rehab directly to your television set every Tuesday at 10p/9c – and the best part… no hangovers.

Because your sorry ass can’t afford a flight out to the shining city, trvTV’s Rehab is your chance to live vicariously through the lucky guys who are getting the sexy tail you should be getting too. And no, this isn’t your scripted reality MTV-The-Hills-Of Lagunaport-Harbor b.s. this is real life television where the camera crew follows and records the sexy action as opposed to creating the action.

This is the real deal. Check it out below.

Does Rehab sound appetizing? Join the sweepstakes to win a chance to party like a rock star at Rehab at the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel & Casino pool. You can enter by clicking here.

“The first application to move a woman’s breasts without actually touching them.”

Remember that worthless I’m Rich iPhone app that cost $1,000 and did absolutely nothing? Well this app, appropriately called Wobble, does $1,000 worth of good, but at just 99 cents, costs about 1000-times less.

Take a photo (preferably, as the Aussie narrator who sounds strikingly similar to Jemaine from Flight of the Concords notes, of a woman’s breasts), add as many wobblers as you need (the more women, the more wobblers needed), shake it up, and your pictures will be wobbling away in no time.

Buy Wobble here.

To honor President Barack Obama on his birthday, Stephen Colbert invited Esquire’s mixologist David Wondrich – the man behind Alcohol (and how to mix it) – to The Report to loosen up the mood with a few Depression and Civil War era cocktails.

Wondrich takes Colbert back to the Great Depression and mixes The Original Daiquiri – consisting of (smuggled) Cuban rum, sugar, and the juice of half a lime, shaken over ice.

Next on the menu, Wondrich blends a Civil War era drink made with whiskey, bitters, sugar, and a hint of lime – which Stephen suggests could have possibly been the cause of the war.

Finally, Wondrich unveils the greatest Colbert Bump of all time – The Colbert Bump Cocktail –  a special blend of cherry liqueur (cherry brandy), a few “liberal” pours of good ole’ Republican gin, and lemon juice (to keep away the scurvy). It may not be the manliest drink at the bar (could also be called the cherry blossom?), but if you order The Colbert Bump the next time you’re at the bar, you will undoubtedly get laid – I promise (you just might have to cross the tracks and head to West Hollywood to do so).

Even though her boyfriend left her and doctors told her that her boobs would explode, Sheyla Hershey had to follow her dream of having the world’s largest and fakest tits.

The 28-year-old housewife flew to Brazil for her 9th op after doctors in the US refused to work on her massive chest hams–to which she affirmed:

“To me, big is beautiful. I don’t think I have anything to worry about.”

I respect Sheyla in the same way that I respect Gandhi–doctors said don’t do it–but Sheyla said, “fuck you doctor, I don’t think I have anything to worry about,” and it takes balls, huge fake one’s implanted in one’s chest, to look at someone in the eye that knows much more about what you’re talking about than you do, and say, “I know more than you do,” and I respect that.

To ignorance and enormous tits. Cheers, Sheyla Hershey.

According to a bunch of Aussies, the more you drink, the less likely your chances are of getting ‘whisky dick’.

This Australian assumption leads me to believe one (or both) of two things–that a) Australian logic fashions itself in the same way their toilets flush–backwards, and/or b) that the sources used in the study that drank the most and showed the lowest percentage of erectile dysfunction had the least amount of sex not because they couldn’t get it up, but because they couldn’t get a girl to come home with them.

Think about it–they drank too much and couldn’t get laid–of course their erectile dysfunction rates proved lowest–they never even had the opportunity.

I’d be more interested in hearing a study that focuses on the heavy drinkers and looks for three things 1) if they puked 2) if they pissed the bed, and 3) if they brought a girl home. I guarantee factors 1 and 2 would carry most of the studies weight.

Though I was too young to remember or too drunk in the interim, it has been thirteen years since Carmen Electra last dropped her top for Playboy.  Wait no more because today represents the day that her dry spell will yield as she saturates (fap fap fap) Playboy’s 55th Anniversary issue.

Electra is engaged to rocker Rob Patterson from the poor-excuse-for-a-band-type-band Korn. The two have both stressed that they are in no rush to walk down the aisle–partly because of Electra’s failed marriages with both Dennis Rodman and Dave Navarro, but mostly because she’s too busy taking her shirt off for Hugh.

The January issue of Playboy hits newsstands today, December 12th. You won’t want to miss 36 year old Carmen Electra in an 8 page pictorial–right after which you can turn to a compelling Q&A with Richard Branson…

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