The segment had promise and could have been funny if homeboy Dan fucking Rather wasn’t so forceful and aggressive in making his subjects sound so ‘outa town.’ Subtlety is key, as is varying your demographic — that is if you’re interested in holding on to that high-ranking position of yours.

You’d hope that by the time your hair went gray you’d stop acting like such a douche. But then again, I’m sure that no one expects to voice crackingly host a sports segment for a local affiliate at a nearby University after their hair turns reluctantly to salt and pepper.

It’s one of those sad moments.

Homeboy’s name is Bob Oschack and the LA Times has more.

Our aporogies.

Florida Marlin ownership may try to blame it on hurricane Irene (and technically they’re right), but there’s no denying that Floridian baseball fans have absolutely no interest in heading to Sun Life Stadium (which will see even less use after that whole ‘The U’ incident) to spend $12 on a beer while watching the Marlins get pummeled.

On Wednesday the 24th of August, the Florida Marlins set records. Yahoo! Sports reports:

According to @790Justin, there was an unofficial headcount of 347 fans in the stands for the first pitch of Wednesday’s doubleheader at Sun Life Stadium. Justin Cohen counted five sections with three or fewer people in it and three completely empty sections. The Marlins haven’t announced the official attendance, but it likely won’t challenge the record of the smallest crowd in modern history (believed to be 653 during a Oakland Athletics game in 1979).

However, Marlin ownership didn’t see it this way (counting tickets sold, not actual attendance), announcing the doubleheader’s official attendance as 22,505 fans.

Hopefully Stanton puts a charge in the fanbase come 2012 or this franchise is going under.

It isn’t a few autographed helmets or plasma screen TV’s and Escalades that will bring down the University of Miami’s athletic program, it’s cash, travel, bonuses for injuring opposing players and prostitutes collectively valuated in the low seven figure range that will do The U in.

While incarcerated for his role in a modest $930 million Ponzi scheme, Miami Hurricane booster Nevin Shapiro admitted to Yahoo! Sports that he had provided thousands of impermissible benefits to 72 Miami athletes from 2002 to 2010.

Yahoo! Sports reports:

“In 100 hours of jailhouse interviews during Yahoo! Sports’ 11-month investigation, Hurricanes booster Nevin Shapiro described a sustained, eight-year run of rampant NCAA rule-breaking, some of it with the knowledge or direct participation of at least seven coaches from the Miami football and basketball programs. At a cost that Shapiro estimates in the millions of dollars, he said his benefits to athletes included but were not limited to cash, prostitutes, entertainment in his multimillion-dollar homes and yacht, paid trips to high-end restaurants and nightclubs, jewelry, bounties for on-field play (including bounties for injuring opposing players), travel and, on one occasion, an abortion.”

Because you’re better served reading their investigation in entirety, and because this kind of investigative journalism is frequently lost in most of today’s “news“, head to Yahoo! sports here for an extensive but excellent read.

**UPDATE: Paul Dee was the athletic director at ‘The U’ during the supposed booster infractions. This is the same man who headed the NCAA committee that investigated and sanctioned USC for not having enough control over their athletic programs. Full report from SI Here.

Following the Boston Bruins’ Stanley Cup win over the Vancouver Canucks, the team headed to Shrine at the Foxwoods resort and ran up a tab to rival Mark Cuban’s $110,000 liquor bill just days before. 

Highlights Included on the receipt are a 30-liter bottle of Ace of Spades “Midas” champagne which was hand delivered by Shrine owners at the price of $100,000 and two bottles of Coors Light.

More photos from their night out below.

Chicago’s Jay Cutler took a lot of heat for not playing through a knee injury when the Bears lost to rival Green Bay in the playoffs, but you can’t fault him for this. Cutler, along with girlfriend Kristin Cavallari from “The Hills” and “Laguna Beach”, recently traveled to Kenya to help rebuild schools in the poverty-stricken country. This should aid Cutler with his image rehabilitation, but we get the feeling that he doesn’t really care either, which actually works out even more in his favor.

Emmitt Smith won “Dancing With The Stars”, while Jerry Rice, Jason Taylor and Warren Sapp have all finished second in the competition. Now, Hines Ward of Pittsburgh seems to be next as he and partner Kym Johnson have the highest score among all competitors through four dances, and their average score of 23.5 is also the best in the event.

Ward has shown a natural affinity for dancing and he’s a very quick learner, so there is no reason that he shouldn’t make it very far in the latest season of “Dancing With The Stars”. The only thing that seems like it’ll be able to stop Ward and Johnson is an injury, and we don’t know about Johnson, but Ward has never played less than 13 games in a season for the Steelers and he didn’t miss a game for the first eight seasons of his career. Expect to see Ward standing tall when it’s all said and done.

If you missed the NFC Championship game early Sunday afternoon then you also missed Green Bay’s BJ Raji performing what has been affectionately termed “the freezer dance”.

During Green Bay’s win over the long time rival Chicago Bears, 337 lb nose tackle BJ Raji picked off Jay Cutler and ran it back for what may be the slowest pick-6 you’ll ever see.

Despite being Raji’s first career touchdown, he came prepared with some big boy moves (see below or above).

Green Bay went on to win 21-14 and clinched a birth in the Super Bowl where they’ll face the Steelers on February 6th.

But in all sincerity, kick some ass team USA — Bring the cup back home.

Sponsored by: Vaseline Stronger Skin

Woods has a new buddy — Ari Fleischer — Ex-George Bush Press Secretary and Plame Affair attach�. The New York Post reports,

Two sources in the golf community have told The Post that Ari Fleischer, the former presidential advisor to George W. Bush and the man who was brought in to help repair the steroid-shattered image of Mark McGwire, has been huddling with Woods, plotting a strategy for his return to golf � at the Arnold Palmer Invitational starting March 25 at Bay Hill in Orlando, Fla…

Palmer himself reportedly has told some close confidants that Woods is definitely playing Bay Hill. Quietly, the people running the tournament are preparing for a larger-than-usual media crush.

The airline, based in Florida, employs an animated Bengal Tiger crashing a car into a fire hydrant followed by an announcement for their appropriately named “eye of the tiger” sale where you can find flights for as little as $9.

As far as I’m concerned, single digit flights coupled with an ad campaign featuring a car-crash doesn’t exactly encourage me to book a flight.

But for those of you located in Florida and looking to save a couple bucks, check out Spirit Air.

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