Britney Spears Racing Go-Karts in Anaheim

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ANAHEIM - Britney Spears packed her bags, put her kids in their cages, and headed out to watch what could have been the final ALDS game between the Boston Red Sox and the Anaheim Angels.

The pop singer, who was expecting to see the LSU Tigers, arrived at Angel Stadium to closed gates where she initially realized that the game was in Boston, followed by a skeptical but eventual realization that the LSU Tigers weren’t playing in the series, both of which were trumped by her brief and frightening realization that despite popular belief, she is in fact a real, live, living but barely breathing human being.

Playing to her stereotypical redneck strengths, she opted for go-kart racing. Good choice Britney, good choice.

Brook Hogan Gorges to Make Weight for MMA Fight

“Thin and Intellectual Brook” as father Hulk Hogan affectionately called his daughter while oiling her petite body down at a Las Vegas swimming pool a few months back was spotted shoveling cheeseburgers with extra mayo down her large face at the Kimbo Slice/Other Guy fight during Saturday’s Elite XC disappointer.

Though the 37 patties that Thin and Intellectual Brook consumed during the 14 second match seems like a lot, the six-foot, five-inch 267-pound ball of thunder thinks differently.

When questioned by Elite XC correspondent Christopher Crosby about her feeding trends, Thin and Intellectual Brook responded in a pitch similar to Crosby’s:

“Thirty-seven patties is normal [nom, nom, nom], I need to make weight, stupid.”

The “weight” she mentions, of course referring to her upcoming MMA Heavyweight bout with Tank Abbot, is set at 280 lbs.

Chicago Holy Water No Match For City Of Angels

CHICAGO - Wednesday’s NLDS opener between the cursed Cubs and the Los Angeles Dodgers was a step in the right direction for Chicago in proving their famed goat curse is in fact a legitimate curse. The Chicago Tribune reports:

“The Cubs brought a heavy hitter to Wrigley Field on Wednesday afternoon, asking the Rev. James L. Greanias, a Greek Orthodox priest from St. Iakovos Church in Valparaiso, Ind., to spread holy water around the dugout to remove an alleged curse that has hovered over the ballclub since its last World Series appearance in 1945.”

The ploy, which failed when the Doyers pummeled the cleansed Cubs 7-2, raises several controversial questions regarding God and his assumed existence.

Regardless, if fans believe their Cubs are cursed, which they must since they decided to call in a priest to cleanse their dugout, they need to stand behind their team and encourage them to play just hard enough not to win any more games.

See, it’s a catch-22: if they lose, the curse is real but their losers, and if they win the World Series, then their curse isn’t legitimate and the real truth comes out - that they’ve simply been bitching about how terrible their ball-club has been for the last 60 years.

The Cubs are doomed. They will lose on Thursday. Their religious gimmicks will not work against a team from the City of Angels and that’s that. Oh, and Soriano went 0-5 with 2Ks, nice.

Here’s how the postseason is shaping up:

Beavers Trap Trojans

To be fair, Durex condoms are supposed to fit slightly more snug. So naturally, if you’re a Trojan guy you’ll lose one or two to beavers.

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Alyssa Milano Supports Dodgers by Supporting Cards

Alyssa Milano pictured above with St. Louis Cardinal and ex Dodger Cesar Izturis.

ST LOUIS - Before the Dodgers arrived at Chavez Ravine last Thursday, they were National League West champs. And while much credit must be given to Albert Pujols and the St. Louis Cardinals (who had nothing but pride to play for) for beating the Arizona D-Bags three games out of four, they might not have been able to do it without the support of Dodger fan and MLBlogger Alyssa Milano who gave them something more to play for (a date possibly? Well, not if you look like Ron Villone).

Milano, who was in St. Louis to promote her MLB gear for women sparked the St. Louis offense in the clubhouse and in the dugout. She comments on the Dodgers success:

“We have clinched the NL West and that is glorious. Manny should be the NL MVP. We wouldn’t be where we are right now without him. And Andre Ethier had a breakout year. I am very proud of you, Andre.”

Good luck in October Dodgers. I’ll be at the Saturday and Sunday games with my birthday suit, wtf? party hat on.

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Bats Thrown In Stands

Because baseball will be on hiatus until October 1st, I decided that I should do something baseball oriented. And while digressing about how terrible Andruw Jones proves to be my biggest hobby, I decided on something else - I was inspired by a picture of a guy getting nailed in the face by a bat that was thrown into the crowd and decided to compile a list of several similar photos.

This is not a master list, nor is it necessarily the best. Simply put, these are the only pictures I could find.

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If Los Angeles Had A Football Team…

Because naming a team from Los Angeles The Rams makes about as much sense as seeing a Matthew McConaughey flick, the team at Banned In Hollywood decided to come up with some suggestions for an LA football team name based on the virtuous Los Angeles reputation.

And because Pittsburgh is known for its thieves, Kansas City for its Police squad and Green Bay for its gay district, we decided that looking to what the great city of Los Angeles has to offer would inspire us.

The Los Angeles Failed Actors AKA the LA Thespians:

When considering what the LA Failed Actors uniform would be, I exhausted myself because actors wear so many different costumes. But then I realized that the most common outfit actors in Los Angeles wear are waiter’s clothes. Think about it, it’s perfect - The Cincinnati Bengals aren’t actually Tigers, they just dress up that way. And similarly, the LA Failed Actors aren’t really Waiters, they just dress that way, because in reality they’re actors, failed or not.

The only problem the Failed Actors might face as a team, could be their reliability on the field; they’d constantly be showing up late because they couldn’t afford cars so they’d ride bikes, and always miss games for auditions that they never would end up getting.

The Los Angeles Scenesters:

The LA Scenesters may run into problems because, as a general rule, emo scenesters don’t do helmets. In order to look as good as they think they do, they have to flat-iron half of their hair, then flap-jack it to one side, spike the tail of their man-mullet (pronounced Moo-Lei), and feather the other half of their hair, all the while leaving time to iron their black, collard Hot Topic shirt, put on their skinny tie, throw on their scarf and blazer and drive to the gas station to fill up their Scion XB and buy cigarettes. On the one hand however, they’ll already have the really tight pants and black eye makeup.

Plus, like the Arizona Diamondbacks being nicknamed the D-Backs, we could nickname the Los Angeles Scenesters the D-Bags.
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