14 Improvisations on the Road

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I’m not going to discuss every picture, mostly because that would take thirteen times as long as just discussing one, but if you feel like adding your two cents or if you have links to other improvisations, please let us know in the comments area.

Do it live.

13. Tow Truck

12. Pickup

11. Custom Handlebars

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If Los Angeles Had A Football Team…

Because naming a team from Los Angeles The Rams makes about as much sense as seeing a Matthew McConaughey flick, the team at Banned In Hollywood decided to come up with some suggestions for an LA football team name based on the virtuous Los Angeles reputation.

And because Pittsburgh is known for its thieves, Kansas City for its Police squad and Green Bay for its gay district, we decided that looking to what the great city of Los Angeles has to offer would inspire us.

The Los Angeles Failed Actors AKA the LA Thespians:

When considering what the LA Failed Actors uniform would be, I exhausted myself because actors wear so many different costumes. But then I realized that the most common outfit actors in Los Angeles wear are waiter’s clothes. Think about it, it’s perfect - The Cincinnati Bengals aren’t actually Tigers, they just dress up that way. And similarly, the LA Failed Actors aren’t really Waiters, they just dress that way, because in reality they’re actors, failed or not.

The only problem the Failed Actors might face as a team, could be their reliability on the field; they’d constantly be showing up late because they couldn’t afford cars so they’d ride bikes, and always miss games for auditions that they never would end up getting.

The Los Angeles Scenesters:

The LA Scenesters may run into problems because, as a general rule, emo scenesters don’t do helmets. In order to look as good as they think they do, they have to flat-iron half of their hair, then flap-jack it to one side, spike the tail of their man-mullet (pronounced Moo-Lei), and feather the other half of their hair, all the while leaving time to iron their black, collard Hot Topic shirt, put on their skinny tie, throw on their scarf and blazer and drive to the gas station to fill up their Scion XB and buy cigarettes. On the one hand however, they’ll already have the really tight pants and black eye makeup.

Plus, like the Arizona Diamondbacks being nicknamed the D-Backs, we could nickname the Los Angeles Scenesters the D-Bags.
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Top 10 Pukings Caught In The Act

**WARNING** - This list might gross you out, but I don’t care.

10. The Hockey Puker

This one really deserves a closer position to the top, but because it’s been around the internet as much as Paris Hilton, I put it at the bottom, even though the bottom is technically the top.

The only thing that would be worse than being the kid(s) getting puked on, is being the guy on the left wearing the brown jacket - nothin’ but class.

9. Inedible Old Man Pukage

At first I thought, what the fruck is up with this guy’s hat, and then I thought, why the dick is this guy’s sweatshirt so god damn long, but the last thing I thought, and the thing I will continue to think until tomorrow has come and gone is, is it just me, or are this guy’s shoes really, really, really, ridiculously tiny?

To shoes, they’re sort of like what pee-wee league footballs are to a regulation sized pro footballs - if that makes any sense at all.

8. The Silent Exploder

Alright, maybe silent is the wrong word for describing this guy. Exploder, on the other hand, is spot on.

This picture makes about as much sense as Keanu Reeve’s acting career.

And speaking of Keanu…

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News Reporter Hit In Head By Airplane

It’s all fun and games until the news reporter gets hit in the side of the head by an airplane.

Every time I watch this video, which is every morning at the asscrack of noon, I tell myself:

“No, they just set a dummy reporter in a field and attempted to knock it down with a crop duster. That makes sense, right? Guys?”

Unfortunately, I fear that I do not believe my own skepticism…

15 Strange Moments In Anti-Theft (Ideas For Inspiration)

15. The Treehugger

Tie your beater to a tree. What are the chances of someone taking the time to cut down a tree in order to untie your car for easier theft? According to this picture - 1:1.

14. The Beater On A Leash

Rope your car by the wheel to a telephone pole, that way, if someone breaks into your car and steals it, they won’t get very far with a one-ton pole in tow. The downside? Frame damage, axle repair, phone pole replacement, and having to explain to all you’re friends why you have a sixty foot, bright yellow rope on your back seat.

13. The Dish Wheel Dipshit

Purchase the Dish Wheel to ensure your stereo is the only thing stolen. The type of person who buys this: The dedicated Club fan that wants something more streamlined. Also the type of person that shouts, “hey asshole, I’m making it this much more difficult for you to steal my car, but this much more attractive for you to steal everything inside.”

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5 Tailgate Essentials

With the college football season just around the corner, Banned in Hollywood is here to make your tailgate party one to remember, assuming you don’t get black out drunk and break your digital camera for a third time.

We were not paid for any of the below endorsements. However, if said companies would like to contribute to our early onset of cirrhosis, we’d be more than happy to accept.

5. N-ice Rack

Nothing kills a beer pong game faster than warm beer or a case of herpes. The good news is that one of the aforementioned has been cured by the fine people at P&P Imports. The N-Ice rack provides your beer cups with a safe, frozen home with perfect alignment. Which is great because by the time we’ve played our 9th game, we’d be better off letting Muhammad Ali steady our rack.

Price: 19.95**

4. Guitar Hero

Satellite television and flat screen panels have become the norm on game day, so it’s no surprise we want to get our rock on. Nothing makes me happier than the thought of playing Guitar Hero while the unforunate population must tolerate Lee Corso’s pencil jabbing and pandering to the home crowd on College Game Day.

Price: 90.00

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Top 6 Strange Before Christ Deaths (and one that isn’t)

6. Arius’ Ass Gas Catastrophe

336 BC: Arius, was a notorious heretical priest who precipitated the Council of Nicea. It is rumored that Arius passed wind and consequently the thunder dumpling evacuated his internal organs, resulting in his untimely and pungent death.

Church Father and Heresiologist Epiphanius of Salamis describes him, “tall and lean, of distinguished appearance and polished address. Women doted on him, charmed by his beautiful manners, touched by his appearance of asceticism. Men were impressed by his aura of intellectual superiority.”

However upon his death and eventual autopsy, men were less impressed to find that his “aura of intellectual superiority” was actually just his leaky anus precipitating noxious fumes before his massive ass-blast caused him to spontaneously self-combust.

Is it true? Sure, why not? it reminds me of that video of the female weight lifter who pisses her pants and tries to cover it up by spreading it all over the floor with her foot - only Arius doesn’t piss his pants, he shats his life out of his anus and into his pants.

5. Marcus Licinius Crassus Knows “Where Da Gol’ At“

53 BC: Roman General, Marcus Licinius Crassus was executed by having molten gold poured down his throat following his defeat at Carrhae at the hands of the Parthians. Some accounts claim that his head was then cut off and used as a stage prop in a play performed for the Parthian King Orodes II.

Now that’s what you call a golden shower.

Is it true? I say yes, it’s the most plausible of the six. Plus after Crassus died, the Pathians would have been left with a solid cold cast of the general’s bowels, and who doesn’t want that?
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