Top Lists

If you’re Jennifer Lopez, getting older and growing into your gigantic ass is a good thing. If you’re Val Kilmer, getting older and growing a gigantic ass… not such a good thing.

Kirstie Alley FTW.

Val Kilmer

Steven Segal

Sharon Stone

Nick Nolte

Mickey Rourke

Elizabeth Taylor

Kirstie Alley

Kelly LeBrock

Keith Richards

Kathleen Turner

Janice Dickinson

Jamie Lee Curtis

Jack Nicholson

Haley Joel Osment

Farrah Fawcett

David Lee Roth

Cybil Shepard

Bridget Bardot

Bridgette Nelson

Al Pacino

Kylie Minogue

Bon Jovi

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Will Smith

Spice Girls

Jennifer Lopez

Marriage is something to celebrate and along with that celebration, cake is usually served. But because it seems that somehow there are more divorces taking place in the US than marriages, cake makers (bakers?) have found a new way to turn a dime on the booming divorce business.

Here are 14 great examples.

Kirstie Alley, keep your hands off.

If you’re Lady Gaga, dressing up in costumes isn’t something reserved for October 31st, but for everyone else it means sexually explicit, innuendo rich, almost naked, sexed up renditions of the blue-collar workforce and the occasional “sexy” fairy tale character.

Celebrities take Halloween just as seriously (unless they’re Jessica Alba)… even Coco dressed up, and by dressing up I mean wearing more clothes than she usually does, which is no clothes at all.

Selita Ebanks

Paris Hilton

Michelle Trachtenberg

Mariah Carey

Katie Price

Jessica Alba

Holly Madison

Heidi Klum

AnnaLynne McCord

Coco & Rihanna

Audrina Patridge

Our buddies at The Taco put together a pretty funny/accurate list, breaking down the cliche 2009 Halloween costumes.

Here’s an excerpt:

Lady Gaga

What You Thought It Said:

Hey, look at me! I’m up-to-date on general pop culture knowledge! I tore the hood off of my eskimo coat and put googly eyes on it all by myself, and I even bought large, stupid sunglasses because that’s how crafty and creative I am.

What It Really Said:

I always follow crowds and do whatever is trendy and cool at the moment, so why wouldn’t I wear the most popular costume of 2009?  That’s how I fit in!

What People Said About You:

“That’s the chubbiest Lady Gaga I’ve seen all night.”

For the complete list, head on over to Holy Taco.

This is what happens when you rely too heavily on freetranslation.com. However, the whole no standing in the toilet facing the wall thing I have no explanation for…

If there was ever a sign that you are giving up on life, it’s not that you’re so morbidly obese that you are 38 and you scoot around on the same type of scooter my 84 year-old grandfather turned to after his cane gave way to a walker – his walker ultimately not enough support for his degenerating body.

At 82 he turned to a scooter, and only because a doctor recommended it after his arthritis became so bad that after a day on his feet, his knees would swell up the size of a cantaloupe – or in morbidly obese terms – the size of a small order of fries.

But still, the fact that your fat ass sits on one of these vehicles instead of walking through Wal-Mart is not the sign that you gave up on life, no. The real sign you gave up on life is that you’re sitting on a scooter in the drive-thru line at the local KFC – the same fast food joint that put you in your scooter in the first place.

Ricky Gervais would agree with me, and as always, is more articulate than I am which he makes apparent in this excellent video.

You’ll also like:

Drunk stories that will make your butt explode (When I Was Drunk)
Most awesome wake up pranks compilation (Break)
How to get laid (AskMen)
Candy Ace is a 12 out of 10 (Gorillamask)
7 New Professors on Rate My Professor (CollegeHumor)
7 Sex tips that will put you in the hospital (Cracked)

This is what happens when Alex Rodriguez gets a hold of your pets. That or the people feeding these beasts can probably be found on this list of 10 gigantic humans.

You’ll also like:

Most awesome wake up pranks compilation (Break)
How to get laid (AskMen)
Candy Ace is a 12 out of 10 (Gorillamask)
7 New Professors on Rate My Professor (CollegeHumor)
7 Sex tips that will put you in the hospital (Cracked)

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, a Butterface is a woman who has an exceptional body and an unexceptionally hideous face – hence but-her-face. The term (antonymous to the highly deceptive MySpace Shot) is an etymological derivative of the phrase “good from far but far from good” and can be applied to women like Amy Reid (above), Jennifer Garner, and of course Barbara Walters.

Surprisingly, Sarah Jessica Parker is not a butterface because the horseishness of her face detracts so much from the rest of her body that any heterosexual male cannot avoid picturing her visage disfiguring the physiognomy of a fully grown Clydesdale.

You’ve surely seen a few of these images floating around the intertubes but try to enjoy these 10 banged up beauties regardless.

Oh, and we have no idea how old any of these things are so please keep your pants on.

10.

9. Errrm

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Remember two things fellas:
1. This is why girls wear sunglasses as big as Daft Punk’s headgear
2. You can drink an ugly chick hot, but you can’t drink a fat chick skinny (thanks Dave)

8. Bill Clinton and Snow Miser

From Christmas special The Year Without a Santa Claus. Snow Miser was voiced by actor/comedian Dick Shawn, so not only does he look like Bill Clinton, but Dick does all the talking.

7. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Rob Schneider

Though strikingly similar in appearance, their acting careers have followed different paths. Dwayne Johnson’s acting debut as The Scorpion King in The Mummy 2 earned him a record $5.5 Million, which in dollars, is 17.3 times as many people bought tickets to Schneider’s movies combined.

6. Helen Hunt and Leelee Sobieski

Helen Hunt and Leelee Sobieski look identical, which is likely why I am yet to see any of Leelee’s films. Wait a sec, I’m on IMDB right now, looks like I may have seen one of her movies after all. In 1995 Sobieski was in a TV movie called A Horse for Danny which I think I saw.

In short, it was about a boy named Danny who really wanted a pony and was given one for his birthday. But much to his disappointment (as well as complications with animal trainers on set), the cute pony he hoped for turned out to be Sarah Jessica Parker.

I forget how Leelee fit in there, but it was a must see.

5. Nick Nolte and Gary Busey

Fun Fact: The duo played each others blunt doubles. When Nolte wanted to get stoned during 48 hrs (which, acting alongside Eddie Murphey, was frequently), Gary Busey stepped in, and when Busey wanted to take a heroin break while shooting Lethal Weapon, Nolte stepped in – you never noticed the difference.

4. Tilda Swinton and Conan O’Brien

Fun Fact: Share matching skin tones . Before hosting Late Night, he auditioned for Arnold’s role in Predator but his complexion was making things too easy for Predator and his/her Thermal Vision as seen below.

3. Jennifer Connolly and Daniel Day Lewis

I’ve been trying to figure out why these two look so alike, and the only thing I can narrow it down to is their caterpillar like eyebrows… And their eyes, and their noses, mouth, skin tone, forehead, not so much their chins, but definitely the hair.

2. Jennifer Garner and Keanu Reeves

Gross. Whoa.

1. Yasser Arafat and a Hershey’s Kiss

Does this one really need any explaining?

How Can You Be Sure

In 1993, Frontman Thom York commented that the title of the track How Can You Be Sure? was tentative and that he planned to change it. Although he never officially made the change, when How Can You Be Sure was released on the first Japanese issue of The Bends, the song was called When I’m Like This.

Fans of Radiohead’s acoustic singles will love this track. The female background vocals in the second verse are performed by Dianne Swann, of the band The Julie Dolphine.

Banana Co.

The track Banana Co. first aired on an acoustic radio session Thom did in 1993 which after a warm reception was followed by a studio version that was released on the benefit compilation Criminal Justice: Axe the Act (also available as a B-side on the second part of the Street Spirit release).

If you’re familiar with the track, you most likely have heard the most popular acoustic version of Banana Co. found on the Austrailia/New Zealand Itch EP.

Blow Out (Remix)

Blow Out received its first wide release on Radiohead’s 1993 album Pablo Honey but the Remix was only made available on the 2nd release of the four track Creep record available in the UK.

While the differences are subtle, Blow Out (Remix) proved worthy enough to earn a spot next to the original on the 2009 Deluxe Edition of Pablo Honey.

Anyone Can Play Guitar

Anyone Can Play Guitar is a track from the band’s first album Pablo Honey which was released as a single just a few months in advance of the album on the 7″ US version of Creep.

The track failed to make an impression on charts but was a staple on Radiohead’s mid-nineties setlists. The track would also find a spot on the 2009 Deluxe Edition of Pablo Honey.

Thinking About You (Demo)

Thinking About You, which was released as an acoustic track on Pablo Honey, was originally recorded as an electric guitar driven track on the band’s second demo tape in 1991.

If the final acoustic version sounds primitive, the demo is prehistoric. The track is one of the least Radiohead-ish sounding songs available and can now be found on the 2009 Deluxe Edition of Pablo Honey.

Honorable Mention:

Stop Whispering US Version (Pablo Honey Deluxe)