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Earlier today we learned from Total Pro Sports that Simona Halep wants to and likely will go under the knife for breast reduction surgery later this year.

The seventeen-year-old (keep your pants on guys, she’s almost 18) tennis phenom was born 9.27.1991 in ConstanÅ£a, Romania and has turned heads in the tennis world for both her Anna Kournikova-esque talents and for her massive, but soon-to-vanish chest-hams.

Simona Halep tells Pro Sports (poorly translated to English) –

“I do not believe that physical appearance has an effect on performance, so I help with anything in the sport. My mind bust when I go on the field and even if I were sporting, I would have felt very good.

(My Breasts) inconvenience me, it’s very hard with them. It’s a weight in addition to confound me speed response. I can not go on very well. Shoot me down. Nothing in life is not like me even though sport was not all I was doing surgery.

Surgical intervention should take place last year, but probably will use it in autumn, because the postponement might cause problems in the column.”

Not sure what that last line is supposed to mean, but regardless, I say Simona is making a big mistake. Think about it — if Anna Kournikova’s ass got fat she’d be out of work (posing for Maxim).

Simona better hope she matures into a more talented tennis player because no one is going to want to see a Romanian flat-chest on the cover of men’s magazines.

Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt pose for an upcoming spread in US Weekly

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While she may consider herself a tennis player, everyone knows the only thing she’s good at is standing as still as she possibly can in front of cameras, preferably wearing as little clothing as possible.

I have a few lady friends who are to intellect, what Anna Kournikova is to tennis. Most of them gave up on thinking for a few years, but have just recently started reading (mostly Matt Christopher books, The Kid Who Only Hit Homers etc…). Problem is, they’re not quote as attractive as Anna, so the pictures they take of themselves at parties don’t end up on the cover of Sports Illustrated, they end up on Facebook.

Anna Kournikova poses for the 2009 K-Swiss ad campaign. Despite the struggling economy, the shoemaker is willing to dish out big bucks for the model tennis player–we won’t complain.

You wouldn’t want this to be a legitimate story that you’d have to read, which is why we’ve decided to keep it simple and just show you the pictures below.

More to come.

I started compiling a folder full of images that offer mixed messages and this is what I came up with. Keep in mind that these are not in any particular order, seven is actually my favorite… Next to that Big Lebowski quote of course.

7. Shirt of Irony

Just a little food for thought – If you truly believe that “small is beautiful” you better quit honeymooning at Burger King. And if someone plays a magic trick on you and you do find yourself at Burger King, try to lay off the 30 cent bonus bacon. I know it’s tough, but please just try.

6. Conflicting Seasons

When I see a brother in snow gear on one bench and a possibly completely naked guy on another bench in the same picture, I think one thing – Cover your god forsaken saggy hairy man boobs.

Then once I’m over the disgusting nakedness and what appears to be winter attire during summer, I consider the black guy’s strategy. Maybe he knows something I don’t. Maybe all that gear is protecting him from the sun while the naked people bake in it.

Or more logically, maybe he’s in the middle of a 26 year long drinking binge that began in the winter of ‘82.

To most MMA fans, Rachelle Leah is known as the leggy octagon girl who carries a sign around the cage wearing nothing but a bikini. And to be fair, that’s all that some women strive to be and some men strive to be with.

But Leah, who will return to her position as MMA Eye Candy at UFC 90 on Oct. 25 at the Rosemont Horizon in Rosemont, Ill, claims to be a lot more than just another perfect body.

Sure, she’s Playboy’s November cover girl, which hits mailboxes on Friday. She was the UFC’s most popular octagon girl, and she just signed a deal as a spokesmodel with Anheuser-Busch, but just because she looks the part and plays the role, doesn’t mean shes as stupid as she is hot, at least according to Kevin Iole of Yahoo! Sports who writes:

“She is brash and thoughtful and introspective and witty and plenty crafty. She uses her share of coarse language, her conversation invariably turns to sports and, most significantly, guys, she loves – absolutely loves – mixed martial arts.”

“Spend a half-hour talking with the Las Vegas resident and it’s no different than talking to your buddies about MMA, except you realize you’re speaking with one of the world’s most beautiful women.”

In all reality, Rachelle Leah is someone I will likely never meet, so why would I care if she can carry a heated MMA discussion or not?

What I care about more is figuring out what time the mail gets delivered on Fridays…