Jamie Lynn Spears Buys Trailer Trash Toolkit
June 1, 2008
Pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears was spotted leaving A Wal-Mart just outside of her upscale trailer park in Oklahoma. Her noticeable baby weight means yet another worthless and untalented Spears child will be born to an even more worth-less mother. And it’s tough to have more worthlessness than older sis, but Jaime manages. Here’s why:
We were able to run up and tackle her from behind, and after a two hour long death match in which Spears defended herself against our punches and light saber javelin jousts with her bulging baby bound stomach, we were able to wrestle her bags free to take a look inside and see what she was purchasing.
Much to our not being surprised, we found “The Traditional Trailer Trash Toolkit: A (soon to be single) Mother’s Guide To Birthing A Child. Meth Mommy Special Edition.” Which includes…
1. Colt 45 - The “Mom, That Hurts My Baby Brain” Special 40 oz.
Of course she asked for the brown paper bag, killing two birds with one stone, beer and baby clothes. An old trick she learned from older sister and mother Britney.
2. A New Baby Moo-Moo. Good for a boy or a girl!
He looks happy right?
3. Baby Blow, Non-Drip.
Why smother your baby in traditional baby powder, what’s the point when you can douse him with Baby Blow? Especially great if you get pulled over by the cops, you won’t get caught with an 8-Ball when you’ve got a Baby Ball!
The great thing about Baby Blow is that it comes with a convenient 3 Piece addicts set: Razor, Pre Rolled Dollar and Mirror:
4. Regurgitation Stew Baby Food.
After a long night of mixing Colt 45’s and Baby Blow, you might get nausea and upset stomach, causing you to vomit. But no need to worry, bottling your puke into Organic Regurgitation Stew baby jars allows you to store your lost lunch to serve to your young one. Try not to think of it as a jar of vomit, instead looking to the animal kingdom, all you’re doing is feeding you baby like a mother bird feeds her newborns, by upchucking into their mouth.
Feed them with a spoon and they’ll never know the differance!
See! He Looks so happy!
5. And Finally, “Meth Doesn’t Suck: A Workbook”
It’s important to teach your newborn about life’s important subjects. What better way to survive middle school math than with crystal meth?
*A Trailer Park Bestseller*
We weren’t so surprised about the Colt 45’s, the essential Baby Blow, or the Regurgitation Jars, but what really got us was the Introductory Meth Book. Why would she buy her own copy when she could just borrow her sisters older copy? This got us to thinking, does Britney have another little crack baby on the way? We’ll see.
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