15. The Treehugger

Tie your beater to a tree. What are the chances of someone taking the time to cut down a tree in order to untie your car for easier theft? According to this picture – 1:1.

14. The Beater On A Leash

Rope your car by the wheel to a telephone pole, that way, if someone breaks into your car and steals it, they won’t get very far with a one-ton pole in tow. The downside? Frame damage, axle repair, phone pole replacement, and having to explain to all you’re friends why you have a sixty foot, bright yellow rope on your back seat.

13. The Dish Wheel Dipshit

Purchase the Dish Wheel to ensure your stereo is the only thing stolen. The type of person who buys this: The dedicated Club fan that wants something more streamlined. Also the type of person that shouts, “hey asshole, I’m making it this much more difficult for you to steal my car, but this much more attractive for you to steal everything inside.”