Sure it may have taken a whole team of forensic investigators and a $16 million budget to do it, but when Donald Trump says he’s investigating Barack Obama’s background in Hawaii you can be damn sure he’ll come up with something.

In case you were out searching for Osama Bin Laden in a cave in Afghanistan and didn’t hear the news, the United States’ SEAL Team 6 went into Pakistan and Killed Osama Bin Laden.

Being that the US unemployment rate is as high as it is, many Americans have tons of free time. As we all know, with free time, image editing software and a recently capped broadband connection to the internet, comes memes.

This is the internet’s response to Sunday’s news.

Los Angeles, California (October 6, 2009) – AskMen.com the world’s largest lifestyle portal for men with more than 11 million visitors monthly, revealed its highly anticipated 4th annual reader-voted list of the Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2009 today.

The list assembles a diverse collection of men from around the world and from a variety of industries including entertainment, politics, technology, and sports. All the honorees had a direct effect on the way men see the world, and notably in 2009, many reflect classic values that are most meaningful to the male identity today.

“In a turbulent 2009, men are seeking the stability of tradition in the masculine qualities that they imagine their fathers and grandfathers to have had,” says James Bassil, Editor-in-Chief of AskMen.com. “The character of Don Draper brings all these traits together, and in doing so speaks directly to the modern man. He’s a man whose time has come.”

Others on the list embody a host of classic qualities; Usain Bolt as the personification of competitive and athletic ability, President Barack Obama asthe male portrait of classic statesmanship, Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs as pillars of entrepreneurial spirit and determination.

For the complete list of 2009′s most influential men head on over to AskMen.

It’s natural for men to check out attractive women when we see them – most of the time we can’t help it. When done correctly appropriately, a harmless glance does not call attention to the onlooker and no one notices.

However, an extended ass or tit glance won’t get you very far in the dating/not pissing off your wife game, especially when caught on camera… and you’re David Beckham… or President Barack Obama.

This is what happened.

What I believe America needs is a leader who the American people rally behind and feel united under. Bill Clinton was able to do this well, and despite many of the problems he encountered (what is a bigger deal, a bj or more war) the economy was humming.

I personally do not feel that McCain has the personality to unite. And I’m not saying that Obama is the surefire guy, but I do believe he’ll be a better president than McCain. Young people rally for him, which is something relatively unseen as far as McCain and Hillary are concerned.

Maybe my mindset manifests itself from my locale, Southern California favors the left. But how can anyone rally behind a confused and poorly spoken McCain?

“My Vote’s for Obama (if I could vote) …by Michael Moore

April 21st, 2008

Friends,

I don’t get to vote for President this primary season. I live in Michigan. The party leaders (both here and in D.C.) couldn’t get their act together, and thus our votes will not be counted.

So, if you live in Pennsylvania, can you do me a favor? Will you please cast my vote — and yours — on Tuesday for Senator Barack Obama?

I haven’t spoken publicly ’til now as to who I would vote for, primarily for two reasons: 1) Who cares?; and 2) I (and most people I know) don’t give a rat’s ass whose name is on the ballot in November, as long as there’s a picture of JFK and FDR riding a donkey at the top of the ballot, and the word “Democratic” next to the candidate’s name.

Seriously, I know so many people who don’t care if the name under the Big “D” is Dancer, Prancer, Clinton or Blitzen. It can be Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Barry Obama or the Dalai Lama.

Well, that sounded good last year, but over the past two months, the actions and words of Hillary Clinton have gone from being merely disappointing to downright disgusting. I guess the debate last week was the final straw. I’ve watched Senator Clinton and her husband play this game of appealing to the worst side of white people, but last Wednesday, when she hurled the name “Farrakhan” out of nowhere, well that’s when the silly season came to an early end for me. She said the “F” word to scare white people, pure and simple. Of course, Obama has no connection to Farrakhan. But, according to Senator Clinton, Obama’s pastor does — AND the “church bulletin” once included a Los Angeles Times op-ed from some guy with Hamas! No, not the church bulletin!

This sleazy attempt to smear Obama was brilliantly explained the following night by Stephen Colbert. He pointed out that if Obama is supported by Ted Kennedy, who is Catholic, and the Catholic Church is led by a Pope who was in the Hitler Youth, that can mean only one thing: OBAMA LOVES HITLER!

Yes, Senator Clinton, that’s how you sounded. Like you were nuts. Like you were a bigot stoking the fires of stupidity. How sad that I would ever have to write those words about you. You have devoted your life to good causes and good deeds. And now to throw it all away for an office you can’t win unless you smear the black man so much that the superdelegates cry “Uncle (Tom)” and give it all to you.

But that can’t happen. You cast your die when you voted to start this bloody war. When you did that you were like Moses who lost it for a moment and, because of that, was prohibited from entering the Promised Land.

How sad for a country that wanted to see the first woman elected to the White House. That day will come — but it won’t be you. We’ll have to wait for the current Democratic governor of Kansas to run in 2016 (you read it here first!).

There are those who say Obama isn’t ready, or he’s voted wrong on this or that. But that’s looking at the trees and not the forest. What we are witnessing is not just a candidate but a profound, massive public movement for change. My endorsement is more for Obama The Movement than it is for Obama the candidate.

That is not to take anything away from this exceptional man. But what’s going on is bigger than him at this point, and that’s a good thing for the country. Because, when he wins in November, that Obama Movement is going to have to stay alert and active. Corporate America is not going to give up their hold on our government just because we say so. President Obama is going to need a nation of millions to stand behind him.

I know some of you will say, ‘Mike, what have the Democrats done to deserve our vote?’ That’s a damn good question. In November of ’06, the country loudly sent a message that we wanted the war to end. Yet the Democrats have done nothing. So why should we be so eager to line up happily behind them?

I’ll tell you why. Because I can’t stand one more friggin’ minute of this administration and the permanent, irreversible damage it has done to our people and to this world. I’m almost at the point where I don’t care if the Democrats don’t have a backbone or a kneebone or a thought in their dizzy little heads. Just as long as their name ain’t “Bush” and the word “Republican” is not beside theirs on the ballot, then that’s good enough for me.

I, like the majority of Americans, have been pummeled senseless for 8 long years. That’s why I will join millions of citizens and stagger into the voting booth come November, like a boxer in the 12th round, all bloodied and bruised with one eye swollen shut, looking for the only thing that matters — that big “D” on the ballot.

Don’t get me wrong. I lost my rose-colored glasses a long time ago.

It’s foolish to see the Democrats as anything but a nicer version of a party that exists to do the bidding of the corporate elite in this country. Any endorsement of a Democrat must be done with this acknowledgement and a hope that one day we will have a party that’ll represent the people first, and laws that allow that party an equal voice.

Finally, I want to say a word about the basic decency I have seen in Mr. Obama. Mrs. Clinton continues to throw the Rev. Wright up in his face as part of her mission to keep stoking the fears of White America. Every time she does this I shout at the TV, “Say it, Obama! Say that when she and her husband were having marital difficulties regarding Monica Lewinsky, who did she and Bill bring to the White House for ‘spiritual counseling?’ THE REVEREND JEREMIAH WRIGHT!“

But no, Obama won’t throw that at her. It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be decent. She’s been through enough hurt. And so he remains silent and takes the mud she throws in his face.

That’s why the crowds who come to see him are so large. That’s why he’ll take us down a more decent path. That’s why I would vote for him if Michigan were allowed to have an election.

But the question I keep hearing is… ‘can he win? Can he win in November?’ In the distance we hear the siren of the death train called the Straight Talk Express. We know it’s possible to hear the words “President McCain” on January 20th. We know there are still many Americans who will never vote for a black man. Hillary knows it, too. She’s counting on it.

Pennsylvania, the state that gave birth to this great country, has a chance to set things right. It has not had a moment to shine like this since 1787 when our Constitution was written there. In that Constitution, they wrote that a black man or woman was only “three fifths” human. On Tuesday, the good people of Pennsylvania have a chance for redemption.

Yours,
Michael Moore
MichaelMoore.com
MMFlint@aol.com”

Unfortunately for me, and the rest of the Not So United States of America, Colbert dropped out. But unlike his candidacy, his wit is still with him. Commenting on Barack Obama’s support from young people, Colbert suggests, “He’s inviting people to take deep tokes, from his bong, packed with hope,” and he couldn’t be more correct. He’s found a way to connect with our nation’s youth and God Dammit it’s working! However, I still think Colbert is the better choice, and you will too after you watch this four part series…

“Change, Change, Change!”

“It’s Hillary Clinton saying, ‘I will make your life better, by giving each of you a brand new Mercedes.’”

And Finally…

Support Stephen Colbert. Join The Colbert Nation!

We all know that no one, young or old, can stand to see a douchebag wearing an Abercrombie shirt (*note, douchebags and A&F are a single entity; you are automatically a douchebag if you wear A&F) and so Hillary Clinton strategically placed three Cock-a-doodle Douchebags behind Obama in order to literally blind voters into apathy; failing to vote for their “brother.”

We all know that Obama is going to win the candidacy, and Hillary is acting like a menstruating high school chick that keeps looking over your shoulder when you’re trying to cheat on your European History Exam – It’s Bullshark. Keep to yourself Hillary. Eat a dick (try your husbands for a change so he doesn’t have to bang his interns). And get the Fu�k out of the election….