Maxim does a feature that we always like where they show off found porn submissions, so we figured, why not do the same thing but allow our readers to vote on their favorite submissions and give the contributor with the most votes an inflatable beer pong table for their pool, courtesy of PoolSidePong.com.

Submit as many entries as you want and check back in two weeks for the winner.

Contest runs: Saturday, June 13th – Friday, June 26th 2009

Rules: Submissions must be work safe – No real porn

Winner: Chosen by your votes

Prize: Inflatable Beer Pong Table For Your Pool! (More Info Here)

My name’s Sean. I wrote an article last summer about beer pong and the spread of herpes. I came up with the idea while observing a few friends playing everyone’s favorite party game. In passing, I thought this might be ripe for a satirical article. After mulling it over for a few days, I wrote up the first draft. My co-writer, Peter, thought it was a bit too over-the-top, so we changed a few things. What happened was a series of conversations which lead to the one presently on our site.

Our first inclination is that no one would believe it was real (Dr. Cole Desorio, really?). This article would have you believe that besides the homophone joke with the good doctor, the rest of the article was completely serious. We thought the ridiculous quotes were a dead giveaway. We’ll spot you those, but if this didn’t ring any bells, you should be wearing a helmet:

CDC Safe Pong Tips:

-Discard cups after every use, reusing cups can compromise their protective integrity
-Get tested regularly
-Stacking cups can spread the risk of transmission of HSV
-Beirut is not a safer alternative to beer pong
-Remember! Alcohol may impair the ability to practice pong safely

Foiled again!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIAdhrfT70I

Oh for Fox sake.

While your reporting has been comedy gold since its inception, it worries me a bit. I mean, most of the world is stupid but having a multi-national news corporation do less fact-checking than this guy is a bit unnerving. Then again, we’re sure that most of your research department was hired straight from the Chuck Norris Facts website.

Fox News Fact: Fox News can take two guesses at a true/false question and still answer it wrong.

We were not paid for any of the below endorsements. However, if said companies would like to contribute to our early onset of cirrhosis, we’d be more than happy to accept.

5. N-ice Rack

Nothing kills a beer pong game faster than warm beer or a case of herpes. The good news is that one of the aforementioned has been cured by the fine people at P&P Imports. The N-Ice rack provides your beer cups with a safe, frozen home with perfect alignment. Which is great because by the time we’ve played our 9th game, we’d be better off letting Muhammad Ali steady our rack.

Price: 19.95**

4. Guitar Hero

Satellite television and flat screen panels have become the norm on game day, so it’s no surprise we want to get our rock on. Nothing makes me happier than the thought of playing Guitar Hero while the unforunate population must tolerate Lee Corso’s pencil jabbing and pandering to the home crowd on College Game Day.

Price: 90.00

3. Quaffers

I know most might hesistate when we suggest you drink from something that sounds like a female bodily function, but hear us out. This probably one of the easiest ways to take a shot with a chaser. And for those who refuse to take a chaser, it doubles as a nice tool to do bombs, of the Jäger, Sake, and Irish car variety. Simply put the chaser on the bottom of the hourglass-like shot, layer the alcohol on top, and let the laws of density and gravity run their course.

Price: Varies (but cheaper than your swill beer)

2. Presto ProFry Deep Fryer

You could always pregame without wings, but why would you want to? Besides, your arteries would never get the proper attention if they didn’t clog once in a while. For dessert, deep fried Twinkies. And they said Americans were obese…

Price: 55.00

1. Cruzin Cooler

Bl(each) sold separately.

Ok, we’re not gonna lie. We have no purpose for this other than to test the ever-so-blurred lines of DUI law. This makes going on a beer run much more fun, though. And although the website looks like it was designed in 1998, we can’t really blamed the Texas-based company. Everything in Texas is bigger, which apparently means MS Paint graphics and font size.

Price: 150.00-500.00

** All prices are in United States Dollars, unless you would prefer to pay with a more valuable currency such as the the Euro, the Canadien Dollar, or in three months, the Peso.

“This epidemic is something we should pay close attention to. We’re aware that we cannot outright prevent [beer pong], so we have provided new red cups available to all students in the dorms,” said President of Arizona State University, Michael M. Crow.

President Crow supported prohibition-only alcohol education before his term but has since changed his position.

Adding, “As young adults, the responsibility falls on their shoulders to make the best possible decisions. At the end of the day, we hope they take a long look before playing.”

Of those polled, 9 out of 10 would practice unsafe pong with this player.

Janet Henderson, whose son Jake is a sophomore at Harvard, wants him to think long and hard.

“Ideally, I’d love for my son to wait until he gets his diploma before playing, but kids will be kids. I did all I could to teach him the consequences of unprotected beer pong play, but he needs to make the decision for himself.”

Janet recalled, “His father and I met after he made a double bounce to send it to three cup overtime. I fell in love with his smooth, quick release . It was perfectly timed and he could hit his target when the pressure was on.”

Dr. Cole Desorio, a CDC spokesman, urges students to find new games to play,

“Flip cup is great because each individual has their own cup. If it’s absolutely necessary to play beer pong, use the waterfall method. Many young adults, when asked if they practice safe pong, responded that they rinse the ball after it bounces off the table. CDC statistics have shown that rinsing has a negligible effect on the prevention of HSV transmission.” He went on the record, “We’re here to educate students on the dangers of [beer] pong and other casual drinking games. If we can get just one person to abstain, we’ve done our job.”

CDC Safe Pong Tips:

-Discard cups after every use, reusing cups can compromise their protective integrity
-Get tested regularly
-Stacking cups can spread the risk of transmission of HSV
-Beirut is not a safer alternative to beer pong
-Remember! Alcohol may impair the ability to practice pong safely

BIH Safe Pong Tips:

- Use a clean beer pong table rather than a closet door.