Posts Tagged ‘beer’

There’s actually a new show about this on the Discovery Channel called Whale Wars. I haven’t seen it yet but I heard it’s pretty good.

Via Unstructed.

New York Times Best-Selling author Tucker Max reveals the trailer for his upcoming movie “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.”

If you laughed as much as we did, be sure to book a ticket on his premiere tour, coming to a city nearest you.

“There’s food in beer, but no beer in food…”

Because in just a few hours the mid-summer classic will commence, and because you probably spent so much money on your tickets that you can no longer afford a drink at the game, we’ve compiled a list of necessary alcohol smuggling devices that any fan of sports and drinking will appreciate.

The products are in no particular order, because we don’t want to offend any one device…

The Beer Belly

The Beer Belly is one of the most creatively designed alcohol smuggling devices to date. It functions in the same way the CamelBak does to hydrate athletes, only the Beer Belly reduces the process down for the fan who vehemently believes (as he should) that sporting events were made to watch drunk.

It’s going to put you back $34.95 (or $49.95 for the deluxe version) so if splurging on the necessary drinking device means you can’t afford your next few meals, remember, there’s food in beer but no beer in food.

Price: $34.95 at thebeerbelly.com

The Wine Rack

If the Beer Belly is Tommy Fratboy’s partner in crime, the Wine Rack is Sally Sorority Slag’s or Patricia Pirate’s (sunken chest) double-threat.

The chest-flask holds an impressive 750ml or 25oz of liquid, enough to keep any girl of any size saturated (and busty) for several hours.

Price: $29.95 at thebeerbelly.com

Disposaflask/Florida Flasks

One of my favorite drinking companions comes in the form of a collapsible, durable, reusable, freezable, non-metallic, undetectable liquor pouch – essentially a Capri-Sun for men.

I’ve only used Disposaflasks 6oz flask and I vouch for them, but after stumbling on Florida’s finest, I have a new product I need to get my hands on.

Price: Disposaflasks are $0.99 at disposaflask.com while Florida Flasks start at $8.50 at floridaflasks.com

Barnoculars

Binoculars are no longer only designed for allowing fans to see what is happening on-field from the nosebleeds (aka looking for hot chicks in the crowd).

The introduction of Barnoculars to the Alcohol Smuggling Arsenal means any smart fan can bring 16oz (8oz in each compartment) of their favorite liquor inside any stadium without being harassed – it’s genius, really.

The thing I love about this product is that you can bring two types of alcohol in one device (or a chaser if you’re that kinda guy).

Price: $19.99 at prankplace.com

Reef Dram Sandals

After introducing walking to drinking with their bottle-opener soled sandals, Reef ups the ante with the Dram. Located in the sole of each sandal is a 1.5oz flask that makes smuggling high-proof alcohol into any ballpark as easy as getting hit by another man’s piss at the Dodger Stadium troughs.

Reef Dram Sandals are the perfect accent to a pregnant Beer Belly.

Price: #34.99 at amazon.com

Sneaky Shorts

If you’re in the market for smuggling lots of alcohol in places you’re not allowed to and the Beer Belly isn’t quite your style, think about the 24oz Sneaky Shorts, aka the ghetto-booty.

No one will suspect a thing when you reach up you shorts and a golden stream of frothy liquid pours out of your left leg and into your buddys mouth.

Price: $21.95 at cellphoneflasks.com

Sippin Seat

Another promising high-capacity alcohol smuggler comes in the form of a padded seat cushion that stores up to 750ml. Fat guys don’t worry, the Sippin Seat claims to hold over 300lbs of human atop a pillowy bed of booze!

Price: $34.95 at cellphoneflasks.com

I’m still struggling to determine whether or not this is a legitimate shot or if there is some post production foul play going on. I guess at the end of the day, it really isn’t worth spending time examining the ball-to-bottle impact when examining the blondie’s legs is just as viable an option…

Maxim does a feature that we always like where they show off found porn submissions, so we figured, why not do the same thing but allow our readers to vote on their favorite submissions and give the contributor with the most votes an inflatable beer pong table for their pool, courtesy of PoolSidePong.com.

Submit as many entries as you want and check back in two weeks for the winner.

Contest runs: Saturday, June 13th – Friday, June 26th 2009

Rules: Submissions must be work safe – No real porn

Winner: Chosen by your votes

Prize: Inflatable Beer Pong Table For Your Pool! (More Info Here)

For whatever reason, our readers seem to enjoy articles and lists about excessive drinking and (anti)socialite behavior, so we tend to allocate most of our day to said niche (if not textually, in reality).

We’ve done The Drunker You Are, The Harder You Fall and we’ve done the Top 10 Signs You Drank Too Much and have had success doing so.

We took what we learned, mixed in some public urination, threw in a little Hasselhoff, and dropped in a dash of Verne Troyer to come up with the (Not So Top) 10 More Signs You Drank Too Much.

In the words of Nic Cage, Here. We. Go.

10. You’re spooning a bench

9. You piss where you sleep where I wait for the bus

8. You’re trying to cheat on your wife with an ATM machine

7. You are the Hasselhoff

6. You just… The whole toilet

5. You’re this thing

4. You shouldn’t have been driving

3. The crosswalk is a crosscrawl

2. You were Santa

1. You are Verne Troyer and you’re on the run