While it probably would have been easier to just compile an exhaustive list of times Brett Favre cried in a press conference, we decided it would be more fun to diversify this list of 7 excellent football fail gifs… and then try to relate as many of them as we possibly could to the joke that has become Brett Favre.

Though sadly, the only way Brett Favre could be any worse is if he were Phillip Rivers’ bodysuit girdle flak-vest jacket-pack sack-attack pussy pads.

7. Later!

The immediate and lasting effects of drafting Matt Leinart.

6. The Handicapped Dickface

Handicapped people want to be treated like everyone else, right? And who doesn’t love that classic NCAA below-the-belt-to-the-mouth taste?

5. Also Known As The ‘Brett Favre’

Because he has no balls… although Jenn Sterger might disagree with that.

4. The Goal-Line Hand Stand

You can actually smell the draft rounds going by.

3. The Infamous Brett Favre Cockshot

Nevermind, maybe he does have balls.

2. WTF You Almost Hit Me

This pretty much sums up every 49ers season since Joe Montana or Steve Young — the only team worse at football is the Pittsburgh Pirates.

1. The Single Greatest Sports Moment

As if an uncoordinated quarterback rushing for a touchdown isn’t rare enough (our thoughts and prayers go out to you Jimmy Clausen), this guy manages to spike the ball into his nuts, get fouled up by a defender, and table-top the middle linebacker… all while the clock is stopped.

Still no Nike deal?

Impressive.

In the latest parody of Nike’s What Should I Do? commercial featuring LeBron James, Brett Favre contemplates his future and important life decisions, such as searching the internet for big dick pics instead of texting his own, coaching high school football, his purple helmet and his Peyton Manthing.

Comes with miniature cell phone and 1-megapixel camera for sending disproportionally small cockshots to unsuspecting coworkers and friends.**

Makes for a great stalking stuffer.

**Chocking Hazard.

Quarterback Brett Favre has informed Minnesota Vikings officials that he will remain retired, according to The Star Tribune.

Coach Brad Childress confirmed the news to the Star Tribune, leaving the Vikings in an unexpected and awkward spot with training camp set to open Wednesday. The Vikings are now left to choose between Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels as their 2009 starter.

“I just think it was a rare opportunity to explore a Hall of Fame quarterback who had background in the NFC and in this division,” Childress said to the newspaper. “He knows our system inside out … This doesn’t change anything about how I feel about our football team.”

What can we expect now? A second re-re-return to the NFL in 2009 after announcing he’s staying retired? Probably. And if not, at least one more tear-filled press conference.

I used to love Favre, but after all this flip-flopping heartbreak BS, I’m glad he didn’t get Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary.

Speaking of Brett Favre sobbing, head on over to the Official Brett Favre Sob-Sister Gallery.

However, after hearing Favre speak on issue, we recognized the sincerity in his tone–it wasn’t interpolated with whimpers or embellished with occasional sob-sister sniffles like usual.

He appears to be speaking the truth–though after the way his stint with the Jets unraveled, he should have made last year’s retirement speech the truth.

All things considered, Brett, you’ve had a hell of a career. Tonight is Wednesday night, which is pretty much like Thursday, which is pretty much like Friday, so I’ll raise a glass in honor of your retirement from coming out of retirement from the NFL.

And for those of you who were wishing he would dispel many tears like he did a year ago, we’ve provided what we like to call, The Unfortunately Difinitive Brett Favre Sob-Sister Gallery.

This is not a definitive list, just the top 5 sports books that I believe would be the shortest sports books in the history of sports books. And I am right.

5. Times I Didn’t Cry In A Press Conference by Brett Bavre

4. Things I’ll Be Remembered For by Bill Buckner

3. Great Asians In Sports by John Rocker

“The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?“

- John Rocker

2. Haw-Kee by Anonymous Black Guy

1. Everybody Clap Your Hands by Jim Abbott

Bonus Book: If you’re into long novels, here’s one that might take you longer to get through than Alexander Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo. It’s an epic that spans over 600 pages called Getting Your Ass Hammered By Guys and is written by Philadelphia’s own Matt Stairs:

Referenced here

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