After years of kicking your ass on the street, Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you in your face in small claims court.

He’s conglomerating the ass-kicking business, really – he’ll roundhouse kick you into your face on the street, and then when you go to sue him, you’ll either have to hire him as your lawyer, which means he’ll roundhouse kick you in your face again because that’s just what he does, or you’ll have to hire a smaller, meeker, poorly trained, probably Asian guy to battle Charles Norris for you in the courtroom.

Of course he’ll win. He always does. And when he does, he’ll roundhouse kick your attorney in his face and then do the same to you. When Chuck Norris fights for you, he fights you. That’s just the way it is.