Posts Tagged ‘Condoms’

Have you ever woke in the morning to realize that for months you have been secretly working without pay as the spokesmodel for a China based condom company?

No?

Mena Suvari and Kelly Brook have.

A Chinese condom company is using photographs of the British model and Hollywood actress to erect the struggling company in the midst of a flaccid contraception market–without paying the women their deserved royalties–pretty surprising for a Chinese company.

Not so surprisingly, the Kelly Brook condoms are outperforming the Suvari prophylactics at an exponential rate.

What does this all mean?

Chinese males have material to masturbate to when their unused, dusty, Kelly Brook condoms reach their expiration date.

I don’t understand why she (that is a girl right?) didn’t do the consistent thing and stick to just one case: upper or lower. Also, that last “W” needs some work, Politcans could use an “I”, and finally that your, well, come on.

I’ve seen bums at the onramp of Wilshire Blvd with signs more legible than this.

And lady, if your boyfriend’s condoms break as frequently as our government fu©ks us in the ass, you might want to get yourself a new brand, unless of course you don’t mind people thinking you’re Catholic (we can all tell you’re Evangelic).

Like most people, I lack basic motor skills when I’ve had too much to drink. This might include anything from walking, opening a door, or in this case, putting on a condom.

After it had been established in my brain that I was going to be having sex, the first step was to reach for the condoms. While I may be drunk, my animal-like mind does not like the prospects of having children or herpes.

Without further ado, I present the pictorial progression of last night’s attempt to have safe sex.

I decide that knocking down everything in my path is a good choice. This is the end result. One condom managed to spill out of the box in its rightful place next to the whiteout and lube. I would also like to note that aside from the random objects scattered about, this shelf had been organized in some manner.

At the side of my bed.