Posts Tagged ‘diet’

Image via Unstructed

Joanna Krupa so hot in so many ways – Caveman Circus

Awesome 24 Hour Fitness Deal At Costco – Free Tofu

Halloween Costume Contest Finale 2009 – College Humor

The Saturday’s Frankie Sandford See Through – Taxi Driver

Bar Refaeli will make you fall in love with her – Use My Computer

Beyonce’s “Insolent Sex Party” Defiles the Muslim World – Celeb Jihad

Emmanuelle Chriqui Sexy As Hell In Lusso Magazine – NS4W

Mariah Carey sexy and steady on Malibu Beach – HQ-Celebrity

Jen Kraus has to be one of the sexiest girls – Coed Magazine

Ashley Greene Makes Pumping gas sexy – Guyism

If there was ever a sign that you are giving up on life, it’s not that you’re so morbidly obese that you are 38 and you scoot around on the same type of scooter my 84 year-old grandfather turned to after his cane gave way to a walker – his walker ultimately not enough support for his degenerating body.

At 82 he turned to a scooter, and only because a doctor recommended it after his arthritis became so bad that after a day on his feet, his knees would swell up the size of a cantaloupe – or in morbidly obese terms – the size of a small order of fries.

But still, the fact that your fat ass sits on one of these vehicles instead of walking through Wal-Mart is not the sign that you gave up on life, no. The real sign you gave up on life is that you’re sitting on a scooter in the drive-thru line at the local KFC – the same fast food joint that put you in your scooter in the first place.

Ricky Gervais would agree with me, and as always, is more articulate than I am which he makes apparent in this excellent video.

You’ll also like:

Drunk stories that will make your butt explode (When I Was Drunk)
Most awesome wake up pranks compilation (Break)
How to get laid (AskMen)
Candy Ace is a 12 out of 10 (Gorillamask)
7 New Professors on Rate My Professor (CollegeHumor)
7 Sex tips that will put you in the hospital (Cracked)

Living off of Britney Spears’ monthly cash installments, Kevin Federline is showing the world that men can do what women have been doing for decades. The New York Post reports,

Britney Spears has put ex-hubby Kevin Federline on a diet because he’s gained a whopping 85 pounds. The 5-foot-10 former backup dancer, who weighed 150 pounds when they married in 2004, now tips the scales at about 235 pounds.

Back when they were married, Kevin used to chide Britney about her weight, but now the dinner table has turned. These days, it is Britney who is making the jokes – calling him ‘K-Fatter-line’ and other names.

“She’ll ask him, ‘When is the baby due?’” revealed a source.

“Britney called him ‘a fat housewife,’” said the source. “ says he’s gained weight because he is happy and content, but Britney says he is just fat and lazy. Britney insisted he go on a diet and stop showing their kids it’s OK to be fat and sloppy.”

Kevin says he doesn’t have to worry about his looks,” said the source, “because women still love him.”

For those of you who are new to Banned In Hollywood, we’ve been posting articles — top 10 lists rather — like this for quite some time. If you’re able to laugh at least one of these photos you’ll probably like the rest of the site. If you become annoyed, irritated, or down-right pissed off because this list’s humor is founded on, at the very best, basic fat guy humor, we advise you to leave now (though you’re probably only pissed because you look like one of the people in the following photos).

For the first installment of the diet series, please head here.

For the second installment, head here (we advise checking both).

10. You are the Blueberry from Willy Wonka

9. You just busted my wall down… you bastard

8. It looks like you’re wearing an inflatable sumo Halloween costume but you’re not

7. You turned a shirt into a sports-bra

6. You don’t pop your collar, your collar pops you…

…(what does that even mean?)

5. Wat?

4. Your right foot looks like a big inflated pink condom

3. You can’t say ‘diet’, but you need to go on one

2. You make Princess Leia look li… Wait a sec…

1.5. Oh, there we go…

1. For the first time ever, the ‘Official XXL’ on your shirt is smaller than your shirt’s actual size

Back in January I compiled an insanely successful image list of the top 12 signs people should begin dieting. Over the next few months I realized that those 12 instances were not the 12 best examples. While they were 12 great examples, I’ve found a few more stunning moments in morbid obesity.

Are they funny? I guess that depends on who’s looking at them.

Are they absolutely disgusting? Why, of course.

10. Your neck has a neck cushion so you can sleep wherever

9. You are judged even though you’re the judge

8. Your arm and back together looks like an ass

7. Your drink only fits on the table once you’ve eaten enough

6. You weight more than a Kawasaki Ninja

5. Om nom nom nom nom

4. You have a gunt

3. You just don’t fit in…

2. You’ve been on a safari, as the animal

1. Your head is… on backwards? wait a sec…

Some people will be offended by this list–it’s a natural response to those who need to diet–for those of you who don’t need to diet–relax, sit back, put your feet up, and indulge in pictorial-gluttony of gluttons across the world.

If in any way you are offended by my compilation–please read what Ricky Gervais has to say on the issue.

Your legs have tan lines from your stomach blocking the sun

Inanimate objects know what you’re thinking

Your neck is wider than your head

6 girls should, but only 5 girls fit in the picture

Your boobs impair your vision on the road

You look like the Michelin Man

No one can tell if you’re a man or a woman

Your penis is sandwiched between your nuts and stomach

You need help putting on your pants

You weigh more than your motorcycle

Even your unitard has stretch marks

Your stomach hangs out from under your dress