Posts Tagged ‘Drank too much’

Every once in a while we’ll compile a list of images that indicate excessive alcohol consumption (check out Part 1 here and Part 2 here). And while there’s nothing wrong with drinking until you piss your pants, you must understand that the consequences can mean a picture of you butt naked in the driveway ends up all over the internet.

Next time try to conceal your face so you don’t lose your job (especially you concealed face fail girl).

11. You opened the door with your face

10. You woke up naked on the driveway

9. You wet your pants. you’re 42 years-old

8. You slept in a noble fir christmas tree?

7. You slept on the stove and in the sink

6. You try to conceal your identity while looking at the camera

5. No guys even bothered…

4. Your buddy was ‘pretending’ to be a chick

3. You pretend you are that penguin stuffed animal

2. Any place and any time is nap time

1. Garglerglerrarghgeblahrough

For whatever reason, our readers seem to enjoy articles and lists about excessive drinking and (anti)socialite behavior, so we tend to allocate most of our day to said niche (if not textually, in reality).

We’ve done The Drunker You Are, The Harder You Fall and we’ve done the Top 10 Signs You Drank Too Much and have had success doing so.

We took what we learned, mixed in some public urination, threw in a little Hasselhoff, and dropped in a dash of Verne Troyer to come up with the (Not So Top) 10 More Signs You Drank Too Much.

In the words of Nic Cage, Here. We. Go.

10. You’re spooning a bench

9. You piss where you sleep where I wait for the bus

8. You’re trying to cheat on your wife with an ATM machine

7. You are the Hasselhoff

6. You just… The whole toilet

5. You’re this thing

4. You shouldn’t have been driving

3. The crosswalk is a crosscrawl

2. You were Santa

1. You are Verne Troyer and you’re on the run

According to a bunch of Aussies, the more you drink, the less likely your chances are of getting ‘whisky dick’.

This Australian assumption leads me to believe one (or both) of two things–that a) Australian logic fashions itself in the same way their toilets flush–backwards, and/or b) that the sources used in the study that drank the most and showed the lowest percentage of erectile dysfunction had the least amount of sex not because they couldn’t get it up, but because they couldn’t get a girl to come home with them.

Think about it–they drank too much and couldn’t get laid–of course their erectile dysfunction rates proved lowest–they never even had the opportunity.

I’d be more interested in hearing a study that focuses on the heavy drinkers and looks for three things 1) if they puked 2) if they pissed the bed, and 3) if they brought a girl home. I guarantee factors 1 and 2 would carry most of the studies weight.

We’ve all done it, but usually when we do, we do it on the couch and wake up with dicks on our face. But if you’ve got no friends and no where to go, you’re likely one of the following top 10.

These are the top 10 signs you drank too much.

10. The gardener doesn’t even wake you

9. You’re walking on train tracks with cones on your head