They’re trailblazers, really.

Come on people, given the economic climate, and for that matter, the seven dollar pricetag on bottles of beer, respect your drink and do not, I repeat, do not waste.

There are starving people in Africa, so get drunk and forget about them.

While working the summer at the aforementioned local watering hole, the theme continued, and the following are five of the most memorable stories from my summer at the bar.

I chose to omit the name of the bar — see story #2.

Provided videos are examples for reference only, not actual footage from the following five stories.

5. Scooby Snacks

Ingredients:

• 1/2 oz Malibu coconut rum
• 1/2 oz Midori melon liqueur
• 1/2 oz pineapple juice
• 1 1/2 oz whipped cream

One of the first people I met while working the bar was a rotund regular — a Norwegian named Ronin, and clearly not of the Sig Hansen DNA strain. All Ronin cared to drink were Scooby Snacks, and after losing track of his shot count and a denied attempt for “more Scoobies” he would settle with a Diet Coke, no ice, before slipping off his barstool and away to wherever it is he would go.

At the end of one of the bubbly blonde cocktail waitress’ shifts and long after Ronin was denied his last frothy treat, she clocked out and went to her car. About 5 minutes later she came crying back to the bar, explaining how a certain disheveled, rotund man had commandeered her driver’s seat, comfortably asleep and accompanied by 3-hours worth of neon green liquid sprayed across her dashboard.

When she tried to pull him out of her car all he could mumble was, “more Scoobies.”

Always lock your doors.

4. The Aniversario

Ingredients:

• Jose Cuervo Aniversario 250 Extra Anejo Tequila

A younger, late 20-something guy who had just got a promotion came into the bar alone and was clearly feeling on top of his game. He planted himself next to two mid 30-something (presumably divorcees) women, makeup caked on, and before even asking their names, ordered three of “your most expensive shots” for him and the two girls women he hadn’t just met.

The shot? Jose Cuervo Aniversario 250 Extra Anejo Tequila. The chaser? Monster. The bill? $750. The look of shock on his face after realizing he and two strangers just choked down ‘The Aniversario’ like it was Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps from a flask outside of a high-school dance? Priceless.

3. Getting Frenched

Ingredients:

• Chilled Grand Marnier shots

I’m not sure where it originated (despite my manager taking credit for it because he thought it was cool), but “getting Frenched” or “getting French,” as we called it, became a local trend.

If you’re like me and you thought that taking a shot of Grand Marnier was the ‘Patron’ equivalent of taking a shot of Triple Sec, you’d be mistaken and surprised to learn it’s actually an 80-proof Cognac blend that tastes surprisingly good… and more importantly, that girls love. So much in fact that we began giving free shots of ol’ Grand Ma away to any girls who would make out with each other (or guys willing to approach these classy ladies in hopes of making out new friends) for the sole enjoyment of all bar patrons — a la getting Frenched.

Moral of the story? Get french.

2. The Jersey Turnpike

Ingredients:

• Whatever the bartenders spill on the spill mat for the duration the bar is open.

As you might get in any bar — the barfly type who causes a scene, doesn’t know his limits, pulls from a flask inside the bar, gets handsy with the waitresses and epitomizes your general brown-bagger — the aforementioned showed up one night and quickly got the boot.

Despite there being two doormen and a cover charge he clearly wouldn’t pay, the guy managed to sneak back in. Being the ignorant inebriate he was, he forcefully told one of our more ‘seasoned’ bartenders to “gimme a drink.”

Unspecified, the bartender chose a personal favorite, the Jersey Turnpike — pouring the night’s spill mat into a shot glass and giving the man a drink c’est cadeau — on the house.

The shot went down without a thought and the man soon left on his own accord.

1. Four Horsemen Go To Hell aka Self-Immolation

Ingredients:

• One shot Jack Daniels
• One shot Jim Beam
• One shot Johnnie Walker
• One shot Jose Cuervo
• One shot Bacardi 151 (lit on fire)

A frat-type guy came in with his frat-type buddies and clearly trying to impress them, ordered four horsemen go to hell. The trick with this maritime favorite is take them quick, because if you don’t, the flaming 151 shot is too hot to throw down. Homeboy frat-guy didn’t know this.

Instead, he took too long to get to the flaming Bacardi that when he finally did, the flame had heated the glass so hot that when he slammed his hand on the shot rim to put it out, the shot glass (which sticks to you hand as the dying flame uses up all the oxygen between your palm and the Bacardi and creates a vacuum) burned a shot-sized-blister-ring on his palm. He reacted by yanking the shot glass from his palm, spilling flaming ball of Bacardi all over his friends — his entire arm lighting up in in what can only be described as straight up Thích Quảng Đức.

Naturally, he had to be removed.

When it comes to getting pants-pissingly wasted at the bar, hopping into your covered wagon and trying to get home to your mustached wife safely and without attracting the attention of the horse mounted cop squad, take a lesson from grandpa; play it cool, and if an officer offers you a swig from his breathalyzer shaped whisky flask, take it.

Better yet, offer him the first swig — a little generosity goes a long way.

Relevant video: Russia In 15 Seconds

Our buddies over at Complex Magazine have put together the definitive gallery of completely wasted athletes.

The is the be all, the end all, the chedda, the meat sweater, nobody do it better of drunk sports figures and figurettes.

Hit the button below to jump to the full 45-picture gallery.

I never knew karaoke could be so eXtreeeme! This guy effectively accomplished what Mountain Dew did for carbonated sugar syrup, for obnoxiously singing when you’re drunk.

Shreddin’!

Remember that scene in Beerfest where Barry (Jay Chandrasekhar) gets drunk at a bar, hits on and takes home a gorgeous woman only to wake up next to Mo’Nique? Dazed, his flashback shows his beer goggled self wearing a 12-pack-hat, pissed your pants drunk and dancing with the 1800 lb gorilla.

Well sadly this is a reality for many men. Fortunately for us, these men have friends who own cameras, so it’s only fitting that we pay tribute to these noble men who have never heard the phrase, fat girls need love too, just not from me.

I applaud those willing to jump on a grenade, but I respect those who unselfishly sacrifice themselves by diving on an IED.

And for your consideration…

It has been a while since we last updated one of our most popular features: 10 Unavoidable Signs You Drank Too Much. But today, loyal readers, is your lucky day.

If you’re unfamiliar with our most debaucherous column, head this way for more: 10 Signs You Drank Too Much.

10. “I’m Ready For You Sanjeh”

9. You Love Thy Neighbor

8. You Left A Shot On The Table

7. You Just… The Whole Four Loco

6. You Play Blackface Every Thanksgiving

5. Just Taking A 20-Minute Cat Nap On Your Lunch Break

4. You’ll Be Hairless Tomorrow

3. Just Getting Some Sun

2. You Are Vegetarian

1. It’s Not Gay If The Mattress Is Between You

Story of my life… not the nailing of spacemen but the taking of pictures of spacemen my friends can’t seem to resist.

God bless you beerbong.