I guess the frieskull isn’t as much a fail as it is foreshadowing the Michelin kid’s adolescence.

I saw some formula-1 driver do it, some Nascar guys did it and I heard about some kid who recently died doing it (which for extreme sports is pretty extreme), but I can’t seem to grasp the whole “planking” thing.

They See Me Rollin’ Part 2:

You know it’s time to go on a diet when you have to use a rascal scooter to get around and you’re not disabled. Let me rephrase that. You know you and your daughter need to diet when you have to use a rascal scooter to get around and you’re not disabled and you use said rascal scooter to tow your daughter around town in a wheelchair, and she’s not disabled.

Let me rephrase that again, You know you and your daughter need to diet when you have to use a rascal scooter to get around and you’re not disabled and you use said rascal scooter to tow your daughter around town in a wheelchair, and she’s not disabled, and you have to use said rascal-wheelchair-train in the street because you’re too wide to fit on the sidewalk…

Let me rephrawwww fuck it.

You know you’re in need of some serious lifestyle changes when you’re getting mistaken as prey by illegal beluga whale poachers… The harpoons, man them.

B92 has the whole story,

PODGORICA — A 28-year-old Serbian woman was seriously injured in the Montenegrin seaside town of Budva yesterday when a local diver shot her with a harpoon.

The woman, identified as Maja Georgi from the town of Pančevo, was swimming some 20 meters from the shore when the harpoon pierced her left shoulder, in what local media described as an accident.

Georgi underwent complicated surgery in the nearby town of Kotor, said reports, and her condition is now stable and non-life threatening.

The man who shot the harpoon was identified as Milan Lalović. He was questioned by local police and released, said reports.

Podgorica’s Vijesti newspaper quotes eyewitnesses who said the man injured the tourist accidentally, and immediately tried to help her.

Moral of the story? Never go for the shoulder — instead aim for the soft underbelly. It’s a kill shot.

What is it about cops and their insatiable appetite for anything unhealthy? Donuts, breakfast sandwiches, those cheese injected hot dogs that have been spinning for three months at 7-Eleven, beating up black people…

You’d think that staying in shape would be part of the job requirement, but then again, if they were in shape they might actually be able to arrest people without having to use tasers, and where’s the fun in that?

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of ampm. All opinions are 100% mine.

The other day we were informed of a new promotion ampm is offering called the Secret Menu. What is it you ask? The ampm secret menu is an artery clogging Eden of deliciousness wherein you are the creator of the most heart attackingly scrumptious meal concoctions.

Are you a burger fan? Why not throw a hotdog on your burger, replace the buns with two glazed donuts and dip the entire thing in a bay of steaming, all natural orange nacho cheese? This I like to call the “Death Before DishohmygodI’mhavingaheartattack!” And it kills me to say it, but it’s delicious every time.

The good people at ampm gave us the opportunity to peruse the isles of deliciousness that are ampm and come up with our own artery-popping concoction, which we like to call, Banned’s Flamin’ Hot Chili Rods.

What are these Chili Rods you’re likely wondering, and how do I make such a snack?

The meal is simple. Start with a bag of Flaming Cheetos and lay them out on a dish. Next, smother every inch of Cheeto in ampm‘s homemade chili. After that, lightly drizzle roughly one pound of smoldering, neon orange nacho cheese across the entire dish and you are good to go… straight to the emergency room.

To make your own concoctions, head on over to the official ampm facebook page and click on the secret menu tab.

The armpit-flash-photobomb is new to me, though I’m not from the Midwest. I could really see it catching on as it has great potential for growth — including, but not limited to –  the bush-bomb and the beer-belly-button-hair-lint-cluster-bomb.

Big things are coming.

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Hilarious STFU Jesus Motivational Comics [Fork Party]
Everyone Gets Performance Anxiety [COED Magazine]
A Week of Robot Hookers and Cooking Testicles [Asylum]
VIDEO: USC linebacker knocks out Hawaii quarterback [Guyism]

If I try it, will you buy me a six-pack of cheeseburgers? yea? Ok, I’ll give it a shot…

You’ll also like:

• Being Cool Has Two Rules You Must Remember [Wild Ammo]
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• Following Google maps Leads To Accident [Top Cultured]
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• Cameron Diaz Is the Most Dangerous Celebrity to Search for on Internet [Asylum]
• The 5 worst movies starring Jennifer Aniston [Guyism]

]]> http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/hey-dad-how-come-you-wont-try-skateboarding/feed/ 0 http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/pantshirt/ http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/pantshirt/#comments Fri, 03 Sep 2010 20:15:34 +0000 Brotha Jonze http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/?p=16797

If you’re on a budget, don’t bother going to mint.com, instead let me give you a few money saving, debt busting tips. First off, if you absolutely must eat food, remember, there’s food in beer but no beer in food. Buy a 30-pack instead of a 12-pack and put that shrink-wrapped tuna melt back on the shelf. The last thing you need is the 13-beer-deep tuna-burps.

Next, buy parachute pants. They’ll keep you insulated from the cold and do not require you wear underwear.

Finally, let you trousers multitask and use your parachute pants as a shirt. Less fabric means lower overhead — and if you’re one of the lucky ones and god blessed your toned body with a set of salty chest hams, the elastic waistband on your long-johns means you can use those big sweaty milk bags as a belt.

Who would have guessed?