New York Times Best-Selling author and now filmmaker scored on the Florida Gators before the season even started.

From his movie blog:

No matter what else happens on this tour, with this movie, or in my life, I don’t care. I can die happy, because last night I did what no other Kentuckian has done in years: I scored at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium, aka The Swamp.

I mean this literally. I snuck in to the stadium, with a girl, and fucked her on the goal line of the south end zone. Right below the goal posts, underneath the national championship signs.

If this gets me in trouble, I don’t care. If the Gainesville PD puts out a warrant for my arrest for some bullshit misdemeanor, so be it, I will turn myself in and deal with it. If it means I get banned from UF, that would suck, but those are consequences I have to live with. No matter what happens, it will all be worth it, because now, every time I watch UF play, even though goddamn Tim Tebow may be unstoppable, even though UF has more team speed than a pack of cheetahs and destroys my beloved Wildcats every year, I know that they have to cross the place where I had sex with a girl to do it.

Gives new meaning to hitting the tight end across the middle. Kudos to Mr. Max for doing more than the Sooners could muster in last year’s National Championship Game. We can only imagine that Lane Kiffin and his ridiculously hot wife are next to attempt this, recruiting violations be damned.

HuffPo reports,

“Urban took brief questions and laughed awkwardly when asked what his favorite racing movie is.

“Uhhhhh … `Cars’?” he stammered, choosing the animated movie over the more obvious “Days of Thunder” that featured his wife, Nicole Kidman, with her ex-husband, Tom Cruise.

Later, Urban and Cruise both attended the pre-race driver meeting. The two were seated on opposite ends, but Cruise heartily applauded Urban when the singer was introduced.”

I cannot think of a story worse than this one–a closet-homo nut-job actor, a d-bag blond streaked and feathered country singer, and NASCAR all in one article–this article is about as interesting as watching David Hasselhoff do anything but eat burgers off the floor…

I’ve always said I would never have kids, partially because I don’t think I could handle the responsibility, but mostly because they, like a raging case of impotence, would encroach on my Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights.

However, After reading this CBS News article I realize I’ve been assessing the burden a child bears on his or her father without acknowledging the benefits, and I need to be more optimistic:

(AP) – Authorities in southwest Florida say an intoxicated man had his 9-year-old son take him on a beer run. Cape Coral police arrested the 27-year-old man last week, after seeing a pickup truck drive onto a median.

When officers stopped the truck, the man told them he was teaching his son to drive. Officers say the father’s speech was slurred, his breath smelled of alcohol and he unable to stand without swaying. Police said an open case of Budweiser beer was in the backseat.

The man was charged with cruelty toward a child and allowing an unlicensed minor to drive. He was released from jail on $2,000 bond. The man did not return a phone call seeking comment.

Of course she’s better than lets say, Nicole Richie, but Nicole Richie is to life what that unnamed actor from Napoleon Dynamite was to Blades of Glory, an anchor, so thats really not saying much.

To me, Kim Kardashian is like the fat annoying girl from elementary school that had a crush on you. She doesn’t really know how to present herself, kinda smells and is always poking her deformed nose into your business. And at the end of the day, she’s just that fat girl that you can’t get enough of not seeing.

But because most people will feel differently from me on the subject of Kim Kardashian, here are a few pics of her in a bikini.

Carrie Underwood is sexy, there’s no way around that, and as far as I’m concerned, she’s better to look at than to listen to. She’s also better to look at than to read what I have to say about her, stupid.