Posts Tagged ‘Football’

When two last place teams with losing records square off, you can’t expect the winning team to know proper post-game celebration etiquette, and Titan’s owner Bud Adams is no exception.

It’s like when a defensive lineman recovers a fumble, runs it back for what looks like is going to be a touchdown, high-steps, holds the ball out in front of him only to have it batted away on the 1 yard line.

Some people just aren’t used to winning and consequently don’t know how to properly celebrate.

Bud Adams we salute your 41-17 win, and I know how it is. I’m a Dodger fan. I understand.

Next time try a Benjamin, or at least a Hamilton… Maybe even a Lincoln, that ref looks like a pushover…

In the interest of full disclosure, I admit that I have not or cannot do some of the things listed. However, much like Lethal Weapon, I have earned diplomatic immunity by providing you with a comprehensive list of things you should be able to do to be in the man club. If you, like our editor Peter, think we’re merely subscribing to cliched ideals of masculinity, we can take this outside. Alright, brah?

Grow a Beard:

We’re not talking about some bitch-ass Ryan Seacrest five o’clock shadow. Nay, we refer to the kind of beard which could sand a coffee table and be strong enough to rescue drowning pandas at the zoo. Timothy Treadwell might have made the Man Hall of Fame for living with (and eventually getting mauled by) Grizzly bears, but it is Grizzly Adams who we remember most, his beard the stuff of legend.

No beard = Death             Beard = Immortal

Tap a Keg:

Few things can beat the sweet sweet taste of a cold beer. However, nothing dampens the experience more when some moron has gotten between you and your (tenth) beer by foaming up the keg. Proper execution is key, for you are a beer ambassador, and the whole party depends upon your finely honed skill.

Throw a Spiral:

Fall means two things: The end of miniskirts and bikinis and the start of football. While the former makes me shed a tear, the latter puts a sparkle in that same eye. Tailgates are essential, and inevitably someone will want to toss the pigskin around. When it’s your turn to catch it, do everyone a favor by returning the throw without struggling like Michael J. Fox at a Jenga tournament. You don’t have to be Dan Marino, but a nice spiral proves you belong at a (real) football game.

Drive Stick:

This comes with a caveat. While you may know how to drive a manual, the car attached is of equal importance. New Corvette means you have a small penis, while a hybrid means you’re a flavor of the week loser… with a small penis.

Build a Fire:

The Boy Scouts are a paradox. While they teach manly things like hunting, tying knots, and survival, they offset all of that with patches and gay scarves. So unless you were a member (we won’t tell, scouts honor), there’s a good chance you know how to do none of the above and probably can’t build a fire without lighter fluid and matches.

Grill:

While the latter category frowned upon fire technology, this one embraces it. In fact, the more gadgets and knobs the better, unless your food comes out tasting like Cambodian hooker taint. Important to note, propane is unacceptable for any reason (sorry, Hank Hill).

Win a Fight:

In order to check this off your list, you must fight against someone with equal or greater stature. That means no women. So while you may think you’re Mike Tyson, the only thing you have in common is domestic abuse.

Football is by far the most popular sport for bettors, whether we’re talking about the NFL or the college game. The teams play once a week and have a much shorter season than the NBA, MLB, or NHL and while there are a ton of NCAA football programs, there are far fewer than in college basketball.

With tons of wagers on football, you’ve probably guessed why sportsbooks pay so much attention to the action on the pigskin. It’s where books assign only the best oddsmakers, and it’s where they make the majority of their money.
Because football betting is public in nature – with every American and their neighbor a supposed expert – the market plays an extremely large role in setting the price, or point-spread. That’s the first and most important lesson of football betting 101: Always remember the point-spread is a reflection of public perception of the quality of the teams in question, and isn’t a prediction on the part of oddsmakers.

When you see the New England Patriots as 7-point favorites for their game against the Miami Dolphins, it means oddsmakers have assessed the public opinion of the matchup. In this particular case, the public expects the Patriots to beat the Dolphins by a touchdown, so in order for bettors to cash in on New England, it has to win by more than seven points. Anything less than seven points and the Dolphins have covered the spread, even if they lose the game outright.

After sportsbooks release a line, or spread, they let the public tell them how accurate it is. For instance, oddsmakers could open the Pats as 7-point favorites, only to receive a vast majority of plays on New England. This means the public thinks the Patriots are going to win by more than seven points, and that’s why they’re putting their money with them.

The ideal scenario for books is to take in equal action on both sides, so as to maximize their profit regardless of which team wins against the spread (ATS). This way the Dolphins-Patriots game pays for itself; if New England wins against the spread, the house can use the money wagered on Miami to pay the winners, while keeping some juice or vigorish for itself.

Juice is the industry term designated for the commission the house takes for handling a wager. In most cases, sportsbooks take 10 cents on the dollar for bets against the spread, meaning you have to put down $110 to make $100. Knowing this, it’s pretty easy to see why sportsbooks have an interest in hauling in equal money on each side of the ledger.

Oddsmakers attempt to achieve this balance by adjusting the line depending on how bettors react to their initial posting. Again, if the Pats open as 7-point favorites, but two-thirds of wagers come in on New England, that’s not optimal for the house. Oddsmakers could then move the line in the Patriots’ favor, making the Dolphins bigger underdogs so it’s easier for them to cover the spread.

The same principle applies to the total or over/under, which is a wager on the combined number of points two opponents will score in a head-to-head matchup. If oddsmakers set the total at 40.5 points for the aforementioned Miami-New England game, it means a wager that plays the “over” needs the teams to combine for 41 or more points for the bet to cash. Any combined score of 40 points or less and the game plays “under” the number listed by oddsmakers.

For more info on Week 2 of the 2009-2010 NFL Season, check out the video below courtesy of BetUS.

Even if you can’t stand them, their fans, or the fact that Tom Brady sleeps with one of your lifelong fantasies every night, you have to respect what the New England Patriots have accomplished in the last half a century.

The Pats have made 16 playoff appearances, won 11 Division Championships, 6 Conference Championships, and have won 3 Superbowl titles (all of which have come in the last 10 years).

To honor their success, Gillette created this tributary video.

In case you were wondering, the cast includes:

Players singing – Matt Light, Adalius Thomas, Dan Koppen, and Logan Mankins
Cheers Star - John Ratzenberger (Cliff), shot of the Bull & Finch Bar
Super Fans - The Flag Lady (Karen Hourigan) and The License Plate Guy (Jason Scheinbart)

New York Times Best-Selling author and now filmmaker scored on the Florida Gators before the season even started.

If You’re Kerwin Bell, CFL quarterback for the Toronto Argonauts, next time you score a touchdown do not spike the ball into a defenders face because it might land you three things: a taunting penalty, a punch to the face by the opposing team, and you spiking the football into your own nuts.

The lineman sitting on your face is just a bonus.