Posts Tagged ‘found porn’

For those of you who watch Rescue Me and saw last Tuesday’s episode, this is essentially what fall-guy Sean Garrity’s package looked like after he got down and dirty with the Jergens bronzing lotion – AKA humped a bowl of yams…

When you’re thinking of a name for your hot new burger joint or your neighborhood ice-creamery, you should take a second to make sure your ideas are not derived from categories on the popular SNL skit Celebrity Jeopardy. These 10 store names (one company name) were never double-checked, consequently they make up Banned’s Top 10 Stupid Store Names.

Tits…

10. Spacing is key when it comes to exchanging kids and sex changes

9. Cream filled buns anyone?

8. Popular with the ladies…

7. Sounds painful and probably available on Craigslist

6. Arrive early as space is limited

5. In case your girl is all dried up?

4. Simple and to the point

3. I usually stay at the Alltheway Inn

2. Hard-Ons not available used

1. I prefer Gabonese, but Tanzanian isn’t bad with hot sauce

When it comes to sex and looking sexy, people cross many lines in order to cash in on the desperate. Ever wanted to shove Mel Gibson up your ass? You can do it with celebrity butt plugs. Unhappy with the way your nipples or your camel-toe looks through your clothing? Well there are fixes for those issues too.

On that note, here are the Top 5 Sex Products That Shouldn’t Be.

5. Celebrity Butt Plugs

Ever wanted to shove George W. Bush up your ass? No? How about Mel Gibson? Well now you can whether you want to or not with Celebrity Butt Plugs. Currently available models are George W. Tush, Smell Gibson (special limited multi-colored Braveheart edition), and Parass Hilton.

4. iBuzz

The iBuzz is designed for anyone who loves loving their hand while listening to their favorite Elliot Smith tracks on their first generation iPod shuffle.

Turn on you iPod, plug in your iBuzz, and Elliot Smith will be singing your favorite depressing songs directly into your vagina (or penis via detachable penis ring).

3. Hida Bust Pudding

Is this food or some kind of squirt gun?

2. The Beauty Nipple

Made for use in warm climates only. Use in cold climates can lead to the 4-nipple udder effect.

1. Cuchini – Our Lips Are Sealed!

Camel-toe-be-gone is currently available for women only. Camel-tail-be-gone available Q3 2010.

In honor of Maxim Magazine’s migration towards the opposite sex, I give you the 30 greatest moments in found porn history. For those of you who do not know, Maxim has a section they run called Found Porn, and if you don’t know what found porn is, be inventive and do a search.

If you are easily offended, I recommend you steer your browser away from Banned In Hollywood immediately. Actually, just don’t use the internet at all.

30. Lumpy Love

29. Prevention at its finest.

28. Why use Crystal Shine when you can use Giz?

27. Seriously though, what wife?