Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

6. Juicy – Notorious B.I.G.

Lyrics:

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis
When I was dead broke, man I couldn’t picture this

The first single off the debut album Ready To Die, Juicy chronicles Biggie’s rags to riches rise into hip-hop. While I’m sure Sega and SNES used to be hot products, one can be acquired today on eBay for less than $20. Or the cost of one crack rock. So I hear…

5. Changes – 2pac

Lyrics:

You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can’t touch this.
I don’t trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.

A song about police brutality, racism, and poverty, Changes was one of 2Pac’s greatest singles, earning him the only posthumous nomination for best solo performance in Grammy history. Unfortunately for the Pac, no one is jealous of anyone else having a mobile phone because the only thing that’s ‘changed’ is that my niece and her 15 year old friends own a Blackberry… and they won’t stop texting me. Megan’s Law loophole, anyone?

11) Jason Giambi’s mustache.

Originally, it was conceived as a way to grow hair that didn’t serve as a forensic record of a decade of steroid abuse. However, since growing in, Jason Giambi’s mustache has starred in thirty four adult films, including one where the slugger’s mustache serves porn starlets penetrated by Louisville Sluggers to inner city children at Yankee Stadium, called “The Twicecream Man”.

12) Joba Chamberlain’s adamant refusal to enter the game to the music from Return of the Jedi.

13) Digging up the planted Red Sox jersey.

In the interests of full disclosure, I will say here that burying that jersey in the first place was frankly a retarded stunt, and some Bronx born guido needs to shut the fu©k up about “Red Sox Nation”. That being said, the Yankees paid $88/hr to union workers to come in on a Sunday and dig it up. For those keeping score at home, the Yankees literally have (and will spend) “f-ck you” money.

This is the kind of thing us Americans miss out on. Random, wasted, homeless guys trying to ride back to their cardboard box from the bar. Well, we actually get this quite often in Los Angeles, but the accent is what makes it.