Article titles are in no particular order because I have become as lazy as psychics have gotten (see #1). Rearranging the titles is a lot of work, especially with so many god damn Colons.

Here are Banned’s 20 (Un)Intentionally Funny News Headlines.

20. Trust me, you would have done the same thing, it was waaaaaay too long

19. Thanks, but no thanks. That’s the last thing they need…

18. Safe sex can be dangerous

17. Do Want

16. For removal, please see physician ASAP

15. They used to spell it M’sip

14. Accidental Silicone-C4 switcheroo

13. Kansas City finally gets some ass!

12. Please explain… Oh, you mean David Seaman… Ok, because I thought…

11. Too close for cuntfort

10. Not ideal

9. Payback

8. A sticky situation

7. Editor, clearly male

6. Following directions fail

5. Not really worth the $1 lotto ticket

4. I would have guessed it was a bit lower…

3. Bad decisions were made, everyone got pregnant

2. He was knee-slap-clapping like you do when you have a beer in your hand

1. Psychics are getting lazy

I was stumbling through the Something Awful Forums when I came across a thread called Illustrated Sexual Euphemisms and, like so many times before, knew I needed to suck the thread and give it some attention.

I pulled ten or fifteen of my favorite submissions, did a little photoshopping, and added a few myself in order to compile what I believe are the Top 20 Safe For Work Illustrated Sexual Euphemisms.

Thanks goes out to the Goons for inspiration (as well as for a few quality photoshop jobs, especially to nickhimself for sexual euphemism #3).

In case any of the following 20 illustrated sexual euphemisms leave you stumped, an answer key is provided at the bottom of the page.

20.

19.

18.

17.

16.

15.

14.

13.

12.

11.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Official Answer Key:

20. Beat Your Meat
19. Three Hole Punch
18. Hairy Beaver
17. Donkey Punch
16. Golden Shower
15. Choking Your Chicken
14. Furburger
13. Horizontal Mambo
12. Hung Like A Horse
11. Cleveland Steamer
10. No Pants Dance
9. Bust A Nut
8. Laying Pipe
7. Hot Beef Injection
6. Sucking Dick
5. Cleaning Your Rifle
4. Dirty Sanchez
3. Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger
2. Does The Carpet Match The Drapes?
- Yes, I Believe It Does…
1. The Rusty Trombone

The greatest thing about screenshots lie in their ability to capture great moments in sports in a single frame — moments that may have gone unnoticed by most watching at home.

These screenshots breathe new life into great moments, and thanks to the goons in the Something Awful forums, end up all over the intertubes.

Here are 14 greats.

Generic NFL Guy

Perfect Timing

Plenty of Hats. Genius.

Defensive Play of the Game

Wang? In or Out?

O Rly?

Chicken Wang, or Toothbrush? I’m Going With Wang

It’s All About the Washingtons

Deserving of a News Feature

Your Hair is a Bird

Aaaaannnnnd…. Squeeze

Cup Check

Errrrrrrrm

Balls Make Dick

Oh, Hai

You’ll Also Like:

10 Signs You Need To Diet (Funny Pics) : Banned

World’s Ugliest Dog Sings Silent Night : eCard

Epic Video Game Inspired Cufflinks : REFIN3D

When I Was Drunk… : WIWD

Epic Piss (PIC) : Unstructed

NSFW Xmas Office Party : ZOO Today

The Tiger Woods Crash Flash Game : HolyTaco

2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show : Maxim

Facebook Suggestions Are Out Of Hand : CollegeHumor

Sex Ed Lessons You Wish You’d learned : Cracked

10 Great Alec Baldwin Moments : Manofest

Star Wars quotes that perfectly describe our sex lives : Asylum

20 Great Photobombs : TheChive

Roxanne G Is A Babe : Gorillamask

Scariest Cereal Mascots.  [Top Cultured]
Songs You Always Hear At The Bar.  [Guyism]
Optical Illusion. [D&T]
This Chick Knows How To Pick Em.  [Next Round]
BMW Driver Fails At Parking.  [Totally Crap]
The Dolphins Have A Red Carpet?  [Don Chavez]
Bulls Won’t Re-sign Tyrus Thomas.  [Hoop Docs]
Pedobear’s Halloween Adventure.  [GeekPadShow]
10 Foreign Horror Classics.  [Liquid Generation]
Green Cocktails For Your Halloween Party.  [The Bachelor Guy]
If Work Were Limited To 140 Characters.  [Uncoached]
Bob Griese Is Racist.  [Straight Pinkie]
Paris Hilton’s Halloween Costumes Through The Years.  [Tasty Booze]

The Daily Roundup:

Today’s Hot Link Roundup

Pull up your goddamn pants Hector.

Via Unstructed

These must be the same experts that claimed playing beerpong can give you the herp.

Image via Unstructed

Every once in a while we’ll compile a list of images that indicate excessive alcohol consumption (check out Part 1 here and Part 2 here). And while there’s nothing wrong with drinking until you piss your pants, you must understand that the consequences can mean a picture of you butt naked in the driveway ends up all over the internet.

Next time try to conceal your face so you don’t lose your job (especially you concealed face fail girl).

11. You opened the door with your face

10. You woke up naked on the driveway

9. You wet your pants. you’re 42 years-old

8. You slept in a noble fir christmas tree?

7. You slept on the stove and in the sink

6. You try to conceal your identity while looking at the camera

5. No guys even bothered…

4. Your buddy was ‘pretending’ to be a chick

3. You pretend you are that penguin stuffed animal

2. Any place and any time is nap time

1. Garglerglerrarghgeblahrough

When it comes to externally expressing your passionate love for corporate food chains, it’s best to keep personal preferences auditory (if at all).

The fact becomes that no one cares how much you love Popeye’s Chicken & Biscuits, and trust me, if a bucket of deep fried dark meat turns you on like alter boys do Ted Haggard, we’ll be able to tell by your obtuse body type. There’s really no need to waste 12 piece bucket money on a tattoo.

But because the following people were unable to make discerning judgments about appropriate body modifications, we (un)fortunately have 25 too many examples of terrible food tattoos, all of which can be found below.

Enjoy. If you can…

Hat tip to AllPics4U for the photos