For more check out these past galleries: 12 more strange book titles and 30 more strange book titles.

Thank god Ojai isn’t too long of a drive for me — I’d hate to have to Express Saver ship poor little Kevin Sorbo to Chuck Testa from across the country — rotting rodents don’t take too well to 10 day deliveries and USPS shut-downs.

Zis is vat I cawl ze ultimat twick. Otervise knows as, Mooooooommmm!

Vladamir vye you do dis?

I was stumbling through the Something Awful Forums when I came across a thread called Illustrated Sexual Euphemisms and, like so many times before, knew I needed to suck the thread and give it some attention.

I pulled ten or fifteen of my favorite submissions, did a little photoshopping, and added a few myself in order to compile what I believe are the Top 20 Safe For Work Illustrated Sexual Euphemisms.

Thanks goes out to the Goons for inspiration (as well as for a few quality photoshop jobs, especially to nickhimself for sexual euphemism #3).

In case any of the following 20 illustrated sexual euphemisms leave you stumped, an answer key is provided at the bottom of the page.

20.

19.

18.

17.

16.

15.

14.

13.

12.

11.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Official Answer Key:

20. Beat Your Meat
19. Three Hole Punch
18. Hairy Beaver
17. Donkey Punch
16. Golden Shower
15. Choking Your Chicken
14. Furburger
13. Horizontal Mambo
12. Hung Like A Horse
11. Cleveland Steamer
10. No Pants Dance
9. Bust A Nut
8. Laying Pipe
7. Hot Beef Injection
6. Sucking Dick
5. Cleaning Your Rifle
4. Dirty Sanchez
3. Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger
2. Does The Carpet Match The Drapes?
- Yes, I Believe It Does…
1. The Rusty Trombone

In the case you can’t understand a damn word this guy is saying, here’s a wough tanscwipp:

Maybe my fish got in touch with another fish later… And oh, like, Finding Nemo and this Fish says he got hit by the car, the other fish said, “You’re joking.” and he said “Yah he got hit by the hurt… by the car, and he’s DEAD YOU SEE!” There is something like a joke, people don’t believe what you said. My fish died this morning… Why? Because…. he got hit by the caaaaaaa…

Just imagine how long this kid would make it in prison — Tyrone? You said it was just you back there but why does it still keep coming?

It still amazes me that people haven’t figured out that you can turn your cell phone sideways so that humans can actually see what the fuck you recorded.

Why you would ever write into a newspaper asking about your grandson doing camel toads is beyond me, but then again poisonous Amazonian frog snorting isn’t really my thing.

This is 5 Exceptionally Excellent Advice Columns.

5: If Men Wrote Advice Columns

If men wrote advice columns they would go something like this. Unfortunately, like the next example’s inquiry, this column is fake, and we know this because Miriam‘s man-advice made no mention of sandwiches and/or blowjobs.

4. The Renaissance Man of Modern Dilemmas

The true Renaissance Man, while spanning expertise in a significant number of subject areas, causes no offense to their insignificant other.

3. Then one Thing Led To Another…

Advice: Save your money and your worries, you do not need an abortion — there’s an 89% chance your dog cannot get you pregnant.

Oh you meant the postman?

2. No Thanks, I’ll have The Camel Frogs

While I am a fan of snorting camel toads on the reg, I’m partial to mainlining beef curtains in my mom’s basement.

1. Emma Seems To Know Her Shit

You forgot the part about the sandwich making.

Never play hide and go seek with these guys. Also never play hide and go seek when you’re drunk — or as I like to call it, you and all of your friends waking up in really strange parts of the house.

Taken from this Russian auto insurance commercial and sourced via reddit.

Nothing says Happy New Year! like lying on your bed in basketball shorts while watching videos of cute kittehs on the internets and taking Korbel cork’s to the nuts.

¡Felíz año nuevo!

A Classic Dave Chappelle moment from his comedy special where he debases science and gets to the bottom of the 30-year-old AIDS debate.