Looks like that radiation is quietly making its mark on Japanese society just like we all thought it would — I just didn’t expect it to come in the form of 45-year-old homozombie Jackie Chan stunt doubles.

I always knew that the whole being good at math, tech and engineering thing would finally catch up with them.

Sure it’s a lot of people, but if he did two at a time he could have pulled this off in a day or two at the most — which is a pretty small price to pay for effectively launching your acting career.

No homo.

Source: Cookiepants via Reddit

So I was fucking this guy in the ass one time and he turned around and winked at me, and I’m like, what, are you gay!?

For more great moments in wrestling, check out 14 Great Wrestling Fails.

And you thought they were bad when they were doing trivial things like bombing the US and enriching uranium to nuke South Korea.

What next? Abortions?

The guy in the yellow t-shirt doesn’t look to happy about the whole thing, and for good reason. Apparently the guide translates a little something like:

Step 1. (Preparation) Find a black marker. Draw two favorite nipples on your friend’s ass. Your friend must have a nice smooth ass. Use a water based marker as it is non permanent and easy to clean after.

Step 2. (After) Pay attention to your friend’s anal opening’s position, to prevent from penetration which would cause discomfort. Put your thing in between the ass in a good, comfortable position. Proceed to rub back and forth gently, until ecstasy.

Step 3. (Finished) After you shoot, you can thank your good friend. If you happen to be unable to fully emulate the process of titty fucking, it could be a matter of the drawing of the nipples are not very detailed or your good friend’s ass is not beautiful enough. Or even more likely, you are actually a gay person.

Thanks Kerwen for the translation.

Guys, this video is two minutes and forty-seven seconds long so I really don’t want you to watch the whole thing, I just want you to know that this guy exists… and that he’s probably touching your children and your adolescent nephews.

The only thing that could possibly make this guy any more gay would be this guy dressed in a pastel yellow polo tucked into khakis with white sneakers…

When I first had the idea for this list, I didn’t think it would be difficult limiting the number of Evangelists to five until I began doing some research and realized just how extensive the list of Christian Evangelist scandals is.

There’s your Kenneth and Gloria Copeland and your Eddie L. Long who are among the six Televangelists indicted for using donation money to buy Rolls Royces, mansions, private jets, and to be fair to other Evangelists, probably a little Methamphetamine — or as it’s known in the gay community, which also just so happens to be the Evangelist community, Tina.

Then you’ve got your Peter Popoffs, your Mike Warnkes, and your Bob Moorheads who respectively called an earpiece the word of God, joined a Satanic cult and molested people at wedding ceremonies — because nothing says I Do like Pastor Moorhead rubbing his penis on your tuxedo.

But alas, I narrowed it down to five people and to just ten years — here are a few of the best.

John Paulk, 2000

Former leader of Focus on the Family’s Love Won Out conference and former chairman of the board for Exodus International North America, John Paulk was found and photographed at a D.C. gay bar where he was allegedly chumming the water for some male-tail. Following the incident, he was questioned by gay rights activist Wayne Besen and denied being in the bar despite the photographic proof of the contrary.

Paulk, who later came out of the barn wrote about his habit of lying in his autobiography Not Afraid to Change, and confessed to being in the bar, but claimed that he entered the establishment for reasons other than sexual pursuits — most likely the wings which famously come with a side of male reproductive organ attached to human.

Ted Haggard, 2006

Ted Haggard was the pastor of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado and was the president of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) from 2003 until November 2006 when he admitted to frequenting a male prostitute who also conveniently supplied him with crystal-meth.

In 2009 Haggard admitted to another male-sexual encounter and later released an autobiographical Nintendo Wii game appropriately titled Ted Haggard: Cock-Grabbing Methwarz.

Gilbert Deya, 2006

Born in Kenya, Deya moved to the UK in the 1990′s where he started several churches. His selling point? Gilbert Deya claimed he had a supernatural ability to make infertile women pregnant — most likely done with his penis after telling women they were infertile.

Deya’s case only got stranger when a UK-Kenyan investigation concluded that Deya and his wife were stealing Kenyan babies and smuggling them into the UK (Joe Barron’s ears pirk up). The Kenyan police have alleged that the ministry is a baby-snatching ring and in 2006 called for his extradition by the UK which is, unfortunately, where he still remains.

Joe Barron, 2008

Joe Barron, one of 40 ministers at Prestonwood Baptist Church who reside over one of the largest churches in the United States at 26,000 members, was arrested on May 15, 2008 for solicitation of a minor. Joe Barron was riding the pedotrain from the Dallas area to Bryan, Texas where he expected to watch a 3D action flick with a 13-year-old girl he met online called, Joe Barron Has Sex With A 13-Year-Old Girl.

Only problem is, what he thought was a 3D action flick turned out to be a Cop Documentary where an undercover police officer plays a 13-year-old girl in an online chatroom who entices a pederast evangelical minister to come out to Bryan, Texas in order to get arrested.

Feel-good movie of the year.

George Alan Rekers, 2010

On April 13, 2010, Christian leader George Alan Rekers was spotted and photographed at Miami International Airport returning from an extended (for 4-hours or so) overseas trip with a twenty-year-old “rent boy”, which is a fluffy way of saying gay male prostitute named “Lucien”.

Given Rekers explicitly negative opinion of homosexuality and gays, the photographs and the news came as a shock… to no one who knows anything about Evangelists.

Still, Rekers denied that Lucien was anything more than a helping hand to carry his luggage, which given that Rekers had supposedly just undergone an unspecified surgical procedure, is believable, save for the fact that Rekers was carrying his own luggage.

On his blog, Rekers denied having sex with his rent-boy, but it was later suggested that Rekers had paid young Lucien to provide daily nude massages, which like any all-male nude massage included the completely heterosexual genital-touching.

Congratulations Evangelical Church on a successful decade.

Ever since Reggie Miller was active in the NBA, I and just about everyone else thought he was gay. He used to get down (or at least pretend to) with Marita Stavrou, but so the story goes, she left him right after he got a flower tattoo on his stomach, just above his pussy.

This was also around the time he began listening to Coldplay.

Head to Deadspin for a few more pics.

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