Posts Tagged ‘Golf’

America’s Funniest Home Videos has put together what might be the greatest golf video ever. Yes better than any Tiger Woods mashup, even better than that video of that guy who blew the British Open at Carnoustie… Yep, no one remember his name…

Just because Tiger Woods isn’t teeing off doesn’t mean you can daydream about Sergio Garcia while he is teeing off in your direction (**insert lowbrow pun about Sergio’s balls hitting guys face**).

I’m still struggling to determine whether or not this is a legitimate shot or if there is some post production foul play going on. I guess at the end of the day, it really isn’t worth spending time examining the ball-to-bottle impact when examining the blondie’s legs is just as viable an option…

After safely getting through 8 holes, Bill Murray hooked a drive into the side of spectator Gayle DiMaggio’s head on No. 9 hole at TPC Tampa Bay during first round play of the Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am on Friday.

“I wasn’t sure I was in-bounds or not,” Murray said. “And I saw this NBC golf cart coming at me and he said, ‘I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you hit a lady. She’s down on the ground.’ That is, you know, sobering.”

Murray’s caddy carted him over to the woman who was being treated by paramedics.

“She was overjoyed when she saw me, because she said she had come out to see me and her husband had just said, ‘I hope he hits it over here,’ ” Murray said.

He did not finish his Friday round, choosing instead to lie down next to the injured DiMaggio and keep her company until she was sent to a local hospital.

Murray confirms, “she’s alright. She’s got a hole in her head, in fact, a little indentation of a number three and the word Titleist,” Murray joked.

“She got whacked in the head and there were doctors there and a dental hygienist because she got a bunch of her teeth knocked out. And they took her to the hospital, and she’s going to take this opportunity to have cosmetic surgery done, get her eyes and ears pinned back and some electro-shock therapy. So it’s a happy story, really.”

Though tempted by electro-shock therapy, DiMaggio opted for a signed copy of Caddyshack.

I didn’t know the women’s tees were used to tee off from, I just figured course management stuck them in the ground as a marker telling golfers who fail to hit a drive past them; walk down the fairway emblazoned with a texas belt buckle.

WWE’s Trish Stratus proves me wrong once again.

If you’re like me, playing golf is not enjoyable without a tall cool can of beer in one hand, and a tall cool can of beer in the other.

But what are you supposed to do when you’ve had too much to drink and need to use the restroom while stranded on the middle of the course?

Take a leak in the bushes? Gasp. How embarrassing!

With the Uro Club your troubles are finally over. While you’re standing on the green waiting for your buddies to putt, simply remove the stealthy Uro Club from your bag, secure the provided Uro Towel around your waist, unzip your pants and insert your penis into the club’s massive black shaft–now piss away!

Even while they watch you fumble for your junk, sigh, and begin to shiver, your friends will never suspect a thing!

Never be embarrassed by anything but your golf game again–buy the Uro Club today!

(fun in the golden shower squirt toy attachment sold separately)

–”Mike, can I borrow that green towel you’ve got draped over your genitals?”

–”Dammit Jim, can’t you see that I’m checking out my club?”

NORTH CAROLINA – PGA drinker and sometimes golfer Jon Daly was arrested after KO’ing in front of a Winston-Salem, NC Hooters after a 30 year drinking binge on Sunday.

Police said in a statement Wednesday that officers left for the restaurant on a medical call. When they arrived, Daly was being treated by emergency workers after losing consciousness.

While at the restaurant, police said Daly “appeared extremely intoxicated and uncooperative,” refused repeatedly to be taken to the hospital and was asked to leave by restaurant employees because the drunk and overweight Hooters regular was defaming the establishment’s reputation which caters mostly to families with small children.

The athlete, who has been suspected of steroid use due in large part to his perfectly toned and athletic body, was taken into police custody for a 24 hour detox lockup at Forsyth County Enforcement Detention Center.

For Daly, who has gone to rehab for alcohol addiction and abuse three times, this was just a typical Sunday (he usually doesn’t make the cut).

In March 2008, swing coach Butch Harmon quit working with the pro drinker/golfer after Daly spent a 2-1/2 hour rain delay getting bombed in the Hooters corporate tent at the PODS Championship. Disgusted, Harmon told a reporter:

“My whole goal for him was he’s got to show me golf is the most important thing in his life.  The most important thing in Daly’s life is getting drunk.”

It’s sad, but at the same time, if he wasn’t a raging drunk we wouldn’t get to see him tee off on a beer can during a Pro-Am tournament like we can below.