Next time your boss asks you if you want to play golf with him tell him yes and that you’ve been practicing four, sometimes five days a week.

Then on your way to the first tee, show him a few tricks you’ve learned from the above compilation and see how impressed he is. Instant salary raise. Works every time.

Sophie Horn is the world’s hottest female golfer, and while she may not hold standing on the LPGA, she is available to kick your ass on the course just about any damn time… for a nominal fee.

And who cares if she’s not ranked on the female tour — the LPGA is a lot like how I looked at math — you have to practice at it to get good at it, but once everyone in your class has black hair and the class roster looks like the periodic table of elements, you lose interest — sorry Li Na.

Sophie Horn: Official Website, Twitter, Facebook.

Now on to the important stuffs.

Those who can’t do, teach, and those who can’t teach, teach PE, and those who can’t teach PE, teach golf, and those who can’t teach golf, teach golf, but only using terms they don’t understand but were supposed to have learned but instead they cheated in Mr. McManus’ 9th grade Earth Science class.

By revolving the rotator disc valve flexor at the moment of quantum retroinspeciologonomy, you create in singuloplanar sunspot on the geothermal knee-straitened reverse K 9000 heliocentric moment of combustionologyology, which always yields an eagle.

The only way this video could get any better is if the head of his club came off at the moment of impact.

What a douche.

But in all sincerity, kick some ass team USA — Bring the cup back home.

This is the official Banned guide to the best of the web for August 24th 2010.

• 20 Hottest Miss Universe Photos [The Smoking Jacket]
• Five Things You Need to Know About Heidi Montag’s Rumored Girl-on-Girl Sex Tape [BroBible]
• Karissa Gilham: Bottom of the Year 2010! [Maxim.co.uk]
• The Gorgeous Girls of Miss Universe 2010: Bikini Edition [COED]
• Drop Dead Sexy Lindsay Lohan Machete Promo Photos [Popoholic]
• 8 Hottest Female Golfers [MadeMan]
• Piranha 3D Actress (and Pornstar) Riley Steele [ScreenJunkies]
• When Horrifying and Hot Meet: Woman Can Swallow a 4 Foot Balloon (VIDEO) [HolyTaco]
• 30 Rock’s Katrina Bowden talks Season Five [Bullz-Eye]
• The 25 Sexiest Got Milk Ads Of All Time [Manofest]

I’ve played golf my entire life and I can attest to the anger and frustration the game rewards you with. I’ve seen people flip golf carts, throw clubs into trees, sets into lakes, and I’ve even seen someone throw a club into a nearby house window.

Still, this video amazes me.

Enjoy.

You would think someone would have looked at the layout and considered not putting a creamy, frothy bunker nearest the hole at the head of the hole.

Don’t forget your headcovers…

Originally sent to ehowa by Michael Hubert who wrote,

“Never sent you anything before but, knew you would appreciate this. Saturday I played in a golf tournament in Harrison, OH. The course name was Circling Hills. I have never claimed to be the most brilliant man in the world (pretty close but,…..). However, I still believe there had to be a rough draft of this before it was permanently etched into granite for the ages. I also thoroughly believe I can’t be the only one who, if in the room at the time of the review, may have looked at that draft and said “That looks pretty close to how that particular hole is laid out Bob but, could you make it look a little less like a GIANT COCK?”

Woods has a new buddy — Ari Fleischer — Ex-George Bush Press Secretary and Plame Affair attaché. The New York Post reports,

Two sources in the golf community have told The Post that Ari Fleischer, the former presidential advisor to George W. Bush and the man who was brought in to help repair the steroid-shattered image of Mark McGwire, has been huddling with Woods, plotting a strategy for his return to golf — at the Arnold Palmer Invitational starting March 25 at Bay Hill in Orlando, Fla…

Palmer himself reportedly has told some close confidants that Woods is definitely playing Bay Hill. Quietly, the people running the tournament are preparing for a larger-than-usual media crush.

The thing that confuses me most is how the camera guy managed to get his finger in the shot. I used to do that when I was 6 years-old because I didn’t know how cameras worked.

If you lack the ability to hit a golf ball off of a tee, don’t expect that kicking the ball will be any easier. The last thing you need to prove to your friends, besides that you have testicles despite not being able to hit the ball further than the lady tees, is that you are just as terrible at soccer as you are at golf.

Gif via AFV