Woods has a new buddy — Ari Fleischer — Ex-George Bush Press Secretary and Plame Affair attaché. The New York Post reports,

Two sources in the golf community have told The Post that Ari Fleischer, the former presidential advisor to George W. Bush and the man who was brought in to help repair the steroid-shattered image of Mark McGwire, has been huddling with Woods, plotting a strategy for his return to golf — at the Arnold Palmer Invitational starting March 25 at Bay Hill in Orlando, Fla…

Palmer himself reportedly has told some close confidants that Woods is definitely playing Bay Hill. Quietly, the people running the tournament are preparing for a larger-than-usual media crush.

The thing that confuses me most is how the camera guy managed to get his finger in the shot. I used to do that when I was 6 years-old because I didn’t know how cameras worked.

Gif via AFV

I’ve been hesitant to write anything related to Tiger Woods and his recent affair(s) because the whole situation has overtaken just about everything newsworthy and really needs to end.

That said, it’s nice to see that Elin Nordegren (and her divorce attorney) isn’t the only one cashing in on the whole ordeal.

I might need to pick me up a few of these headcovers…

[youtube g_27jTO3iFk]

Just because Tiger Woods isn’t teeing off doesn’t mean you can daydream about Sergio Garcia while he is teeing off in your direction (**insert lowbrow pun about Sergio’s balls hitting guys face**).

I’m still struggling to determine whether or not this is a legitimate shot or if there is some post production foul play going on. I guess at the end of the day, it really isn’t worth spending time examining the ball-to-bottle impact when examining the blondie’s legs is just as viable an option…

“I wasn’t sure I was in-bounds or not,” Murray said. “And I saw this NBC golf cart coming at me and he said, ‘I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you hit a lady. She’s down on the ground.’ That is, you know, sobering.”

Murray’s caddy carted him over to the woman who was being treated by paramedics.

“She was overjoyed when she saw me, because she said she had come out to see me and her husband had just said, ‘I hope he hits it over here,’ ” Murray said.

He did not finish his Friday round, choosing instead to lie down next to the injured DiMaggio and keep her company until she was sent to a local hospital.

Murray confirms, “she’s alright. She’s got a hole in her head, in fact, a little indentation of a number three and the word Titleist,” Murray joked.

“She got whacked in the head and there were doctors there and a dental hygienist because she got a bunch of her teeth knocked out. And they took her to the hospital, and she’s going to take this opportunity to have cosmetic surgery done, get her eyes and ears pinned back and some electro-shock therapy. So it’s a happy story, really.”

Though tempted by electro-shock therapy, DiMaggio opted for a signed copy of Caddyshack.

I didn’t know the women’s tees were used to tee off from, I just figured course management stuck them in the ground as a marker telling golfers who fail to hit a drive past them; walk down the fairway emblazoned with a texas belt buckle.

WWE’s Trish Stratus proves me wrong once again.

But what are you supposed to do when you’ve had too much to drink and need to use the restroom while stranded on the middle of the course?

Take a leak in the bushes? Gasp. How embarrassing!

With the Uro Club your troubles are finally over. While you’re standing on the green waiting for your buddies to putt, simply remove the stealthy Uro Club from your bag, secure the provided Uro Towel around your waist, unzip your pants and insert your penis into the club’s massive black shaft–now piss away!

Even while they watch you fumble for your junk, sigh, and begin to shiver, your friends will never suspect a thing!

Never be embarrassed by anything but your golf game again–buy the Uro Club today!

(fun in the golden shower squirt toy attachment sold separately)

–”Mike, can I borrow that green towel you’ve got draped over your genitals?”

–”Dammit Jim, can’t you see that I’m checking out my club?”