The Donald Trump Combover, while thought of as a contemporary hairstyle actually finds its roots in South America where the practice was first used by the Inca to engineer baskets which helped the natives store liquids and made them appear several years younger.

The fad didn’t last long, and soon shiny, skin-toned bowls, which were much less attractive but much more practical were employed, as weaving baskets proved a complete pain in the fucking ass.

This is how most of the relationships I have with women end, only I’m the one receiving the punches 97% of the time — I only do 3% of the punching.

Less is more when it comes to Steve Sutton’s biography, but it helps to know the man’s key selling points, and for this we thank Something Awful for providing a thorough Q&A. It goes something like:

Q: Who do you live with?
A: My mom, brother, nephew and niece.
Q: Where do you work?
A: I’m currently unemployed.
Q: Are you looking for work?
A: After looking for five years, I gave up.

It’s nice of Steve to give something back to the community that’s been paying his internet bills for the past 5+ years. My iced tea no longer tastes like cardboard.

The first guy jumps off the boat like he’s done it a thousand times, and he probably has, so he lands safely on land. You think to yourself, well if this little islander can do it, I can do it no problem, maybe even better because I’m wearing khakis..

Only problem is, little islander is barefoot and you are wearing wood-soled dress shoes — not exactly made for good traction, especially when jumping off the side of a wet, fiberglass boat.

Shoe flying off mid faceplant FTW.

Smack.