Banned In Hollywood » How To

Steve Sutton Presents: How To Make Iced Tea (After You Kill A Guy And Bury The Body In Your Backyard)

Brotha Jonze — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:17:00 +0000

If there were a way to quantify YouTube uploaders and rank them in descending order on a scale of quality, Steve Sutton would comfortably sit at the bottom of the list â€“ just below Alabama native Tawnisha Jones and her canon of standard definition ass-shaking videos.

Less is more when it comes to Steve Sutton’s biography, but it helps to know the man’s key selling points, and for this we thank Something Awful for providing a thorough Q&A. It goes something like:

Q: Who do you live with?
A: My mom, brother, nephew and niece.
Q: Where do you work?
A: I’m currently unemployed.
Q: Are you looking for work?
A: After looking for five years, I gave up.

It’s nice of Steve to give something back to the community that’s been paying his internet bills for the past 5+ years. My iced tea no longer tastes like cardboard.

How Not To Jump Off A Boat

Brotha Jonze — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:35:18 +0000

The first guy jumps off the boat like he’s done it a thousand times, and he probably has, so he lands safely on land. You think to yourself, well if this little islander can do it, I can do it no problem, maybe even better because I’m wearing khakis..

Only problem is, little islander is barefoot and you are wearing wood-soled dress shoes — not exactly made for good traction, especially when jumping off the side of a wet, fiberglass boat.

Shoe flying off mid faceplant FTW.

How to not pass a DUI breathalyzer test

Brotha Jonze — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 04:52:40 +0000

It’s like trying to prove you’re not gay by demonstrating how good you are at giving head.

How to get a man off a building

Brotha Jonze — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:18:08 +0000

If there’s a man hanging to the windowsill of a building, and if you don’t want that man on that windowsill, and if you try to tell that man to come down from that windowsill but he just won’t listen, and if you are the fire crew who just so happens to have a massive fire hose, use that fire hose to get that man off of that windowsill…

How not to avoid being hit by a bus

Brotha Jonze — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:03:33 +0000

If you’re crossing the street, you should check to make sure you’re not about to be t-boned by a bus. This guy did the right thing â€” he looked to make sure buses were not coming â€” he just looked to the left instead of to the right, which is where buses come from.

Smack.

How to fireman carr… wait a sec

Brotha Jonze — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 07:38:25 +0000