I’m not a fan of ice hockey. I’m from Southern California so why would I be? There’s really no reason to confine myself to a 28 degree arena while a bunch of guys I don’t know skate around on what will never be native to any part of my hometown.

I’d much rather go surfing and then watch the only aspect of hockey I care about on the internet when I’m bored than deal with a bunch of sweaty fucking dudes in pads they’ve never washed.

If you’ve never smelled old hockey pads, just imagine what a facefull of Dionar Navarro’s jockstrap dipped in curdled mayonnaise might smell like, then let that thought sit in the sun for a few hours.