Posts Tagged ‘Katie Holmes’

After sifting mindlessly through crazy Tom Cruise YouTube videos for the last hour, I’ve realized that Tom is no more than a one-dimensional douchebactor who’s words (and behaviors) become as disjointed and incomprehensible as his religious precepts when his dialogue isn’t scripted for him by guys like Hollywood big-cock David Koepp.

That’s not to say there is no validity in the ideas he speaks about (at least from what I’m able to interpret, which by no fault of my own, is minimal).

I’m all for conservative distribution of designer drugs – but when it comes to speaking out against Riddlin and Adderall on live television to talk-show hosts, I have learned vicariously through the body of a certain d-bag that you don’t have to act like a complete d-bag when doing so, even if you are one…

The Today Show With Matt Lauer

As I mentioned before, I’m all for laying off the pill-popping, but that doesn’t necessarily give me the right to start misusing words like glib. If it were up to me, no one would ever use the word glib again, especially when they’re being glib in using said word.

Matt Matt Matt, you don’t even know what Riddelin is.

Tom On Oprah

Nothing says crazy like a white guy jumping up and rubbing his dirty ass feet on a black person’s couch… the whole blatant expression of outofyourfuckingmind thing doesn’t really help much either…

Crazy Tom’s Scientology Video

Watching this video is a lot like being punched in the face really really hard by a really really big dude – you put yourself in a situation you knew you should have never been in, and after you come-to, your thought process feels a little more like Paris Hilton’s feels (or doesn’t feel… though I can’t really blame her – no one ever teaches you that donkey-punches shouldn’t be an everyday thing).

I promise you can watch zero seconds of this video and understand more than you would if you watched the entire thing.

Tommy Takes A Wet One To The Face

He actually appears to enjoy the shot to the face until he realizes that he’s both on the receiving end of a prank, and that the projected liquid is less viscous and less salty than he expected.

Tom Killing Oprah

Sure there are more worthy ‘Crazy Tom’ videos clogging up the intertubes, but I couldn’t resist saving this classic for last.

In what appeared to be an effort to elude paparazzi, Katie Holmes dressed herself in the clothes of platonic friend Tom Cruise, and hit the streets of NYC. The disguise, a seemingly perfect way to get paparazzi to not take your picture, included the pocket tee that Tom wore in his role as Maverick in Top Gun, and the jeans Cruise was seen not wearing in Risky Business, though sources say she had to have them lengthened to fit her 5′9″ frame, which is 7″ taller than Tom’s.

The fact that these photos emerged however, indicates that foul play may have been involved. Seeing that Katie was spotted as Tom suggests that either someone spotted her and was aware of the disguise, which is unlikely, or more realistically, that the entire thing was just as set up as the Montauk Monster.

It’s simple really. Katie dressed as Tom but knew that no one would take pictures of him, so she hired someone to do the work – it’s sort of like paying your employer to be employed instead of getting paid yourself. The disguise then suggests to the public that she’s constantly hounded by paparazzi, which she isn’t, but which is a great idea – minus her one mistake.

Everyone knows that when you’re trying to revive your waning career, you don’t dress up as, and take the role of someone who’s career is melting like a manora in Auschwitz – it’s just bad business.

Game over Katie, game over – Just throw in the towel now.