Sure he’s 81, but c’mon Vin, a baserunning boner? what does that even mean? And don’t even try saying you meant ‘error’ — A baserunning error —

Boner, error, boner, error… Not even close.

CHICAGO – Wednesday’s NLDS opener between the cursed Cubs and the Los Angeles Dodgers was a step in the right direction for Chicago in proving their famed goat curse is in fact a legitimate curse. The Chicago Tribune reports:

“The Cubs brought a heavy hitter to Wrigley Field on Wednesday afternoon, asking the Rev. James L. Greanias, a Greek Orthodox priest from St. Iakovos Church in Valparaiso, Ind., to spread holy water around the dugout to remove an alleged curse that has hovered over the ballclub since its last World Series appearance in 1945.”

The ploy, which failed when the Doyers pummeled the cleansed Cubs 7-2, raises several controversial questions regarding God and his assumed existence.

Regardless, if fans believe their Cubs are cursed, which they must since they decided to call in a priest to cleanse their dugout, they need to stand behind their team and encourage them to play just hard enough not to win any more games.

See, it’s a catch-22: if they lose, the curse is real but their losers, and if they win the World Series, then their curse isn’t legitimate and the real truth comes out – that they’ve simply been bitching about how terrible their ball-club has been for the last 60 years.

The Cubs are doomed. They will lose on Thursday. Their religious gimmicks will not work against a team from the City of Angels and that’s that. Oh, and Soriano went 0-5 with 2Ks, nice.

Here’s how the postseason is shaping up:

PITTSBURGH – Although they’re not accustomed to being known for their ball playing ability, the last place Pittsburgh Pirates beat the first place Los Anhele Dohyers 15-8 in what commentators are calling “an ugly loss on the field and under helmets.”

Their comments, likely referring to Adam LaRoche’s uncanny resemblance to Sesame Street‘s own Bert (slightly noticeable above), left the 6’3″ first baseman both speechless, and heading to the locker room to shave his unibrow.

In the Dodger clubhouse, more serious matters took precedent over LaRoche’s fleeting fame.

When rounding third base in what proved to be a fatal play, Nomar Garciaparra sprained his left knee for the second time this season. The Dodger infielder, who looks like Robert DiNero (as seen below), optimistically believes his injury is day-to-day and expects to be back on the field before the playoffs. Dodgers.com reports:

“I’ve sprained it before, I sprained it again. I don’t know how bad. I’m sure it will be sore tomorrow. I’m able to move it and that’s good. There’s definitely swelling in there. It’s a day-by-day thing.”

The Dodgers lost a game in the playoff race with Arizona’s win but are still 3.5 games up with just 10 games to go.

To see what the player’s really look like, click on the thumbnails below. Not that far off, right?