So what does this all mean?

They ditched green and went blue after finishing in 6th place, 33 and-a-half games behind crosstown rivals the New York Giants.

And, that it’s St. Patrick’s Day and you should be out drinking in honor of a country that (historians may disagree with me) turned all their potatoes into liquor, got pants shittingly drunk for 90 days, and once all the potato vodka was consumed, suffered from a year-and-a-half long hangover called the potato famine–pretty neat.

Alyssa Milano pictured above with St. Louis Cardinal and ex Dodger Cesar Izturis.

ST LOUIS – Before the Dodgers arrived at Chavez Ravine last Thursday, they were National League West champs. And while much credit must be given to Albert Pujols and the St. Louis Cardinals (who had nothing but pride to play for) for beating the Arizona D-Bags three games out of four, they might not have been able to do it without the support of Dodger fan and MLBlogger Alyssa Milano who gave them something more to play for (a date possibly? Well, not if you look like Ron Villone).

Milano, who was in St. Louis to promote her MLB gear for women sparked the St. Louis offense in the clubhouse and in the dugout. She comments on the Dodgers success:

“We have clinched the NL West and that is glorious. Manny should be the NL MVP. We wouldn’t be where we are right now without him. And Andre Ethier had a breakout year. I am very proud of you, Andre.”

Good luck in October Dodgers. I’ll be at the Saturday and Sunday games with my birthday suit, wtf? party hat on.

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And because Pittsburgh is known for its thieves, Kansas City for its Police squad and Green Bay for its gay district, we decided that looking to what the great city of Los Angeles has to offer would inspire us.

The Los Angeles Failed Actors AKA the LA Thespians:

When considering what the LA Failed Actors uniform would be, I exhausted myself because actors wear so many different costumes. But then I realized that the most common outfit actors in Los Angeles wear are waiter’s clothes. Think about it, it’s perfect – The Cincinnati Bengals aren’t actually Tigers, they just dress up that way. And similarly, the LA Failed Actors aren’t really Waiters, they just dress that way, because in reality they’re actors, failed or not.

The only problem the Failed Actors might face as a team, could be their reliability on the field; they’d constantly be showing up late because they couldn’t afford cars so they’d ride bikes, and always miss games for auditions that they never would end up getting.

The Los Angeles Scenesters:

The LA Scenesters may run into problems because, as a general rule, emo scenesters don’t do helmets. In order to look as good as they think they do, they have to flat-iron half of their hair, then flap-jack it to one side, spike the tail of their man-mullet (pronounced Moo-Lei), and feather the other half of their hair, all the while leaving time to iron their black, collard Hot Topic shirt, put on their skinny tie, throw on their scarf and blazer and drive to the gas station to fill up their Scion XB and buy cigarettes. On the one hand however, they’ll already have the really tight pants and black eye makeup.

Plus, like the Arizona Diamondbacks being nicknamed the D-Backs, we could nickname the Los Angeles Scenesters the D-Bags.

The LA Addicts:

Because the entire Spears family would have defense under control, and the Lohan family, offense, a bench filled with the likes of Gary Busey, Nick Nolte, David Hasselhoff, Matthey Perry, Robert Downey Jr, Tim Allen, Eddie Van Halen, Nicole Richie, Kate Moss, Drew Barrymore, Whitney Houston, Colin Farrell, and Keith Richards could do what prison does to criminals, to celebrities trying to get clean – and I’m not talking about anal sex.

That said, keeping Hasselhoff on the bench is probably a good thing. We all saw how he handled that burger, just imagine him with the pigskin.

The Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles:

Not that anyone would want to be associated with Anaheim if they didn’t have to, this is more of a revenge name. As far as I’m (and city boundaries) concerned, there is only one baseball team in Los Angeles and they’re called the Dodgers. So to get back at the Angel baseball team, the The Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles football team could do to their uniforms, what the Anaheim Angel baseball team did to Los Angeles – downright steal.

This is definitely my favorite idea, but let’s entertain one last possible LA football team.

The Los Angeles Aliens (not that kind):

The great thing about illegally owning the Los Angeles Aliens is that you could get away with paying the league minimum… for one player, distributed throughout the entire team. Additionally, if a player were to get injured, you could just run down to Home Depot and pick out a replacement. However, they may be a difficult bunch to coach because of both the language barrier and because Horchata doesn’t have the same replenishing nutrients that Gatorade has. No mames.

The upside? Yell “la migra!” and Jose the running back will shift it into 6th gear.

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Problem Solved?

PHILADELPHIA – Despite Dodger right fielder Andre Ethier drawing five balls from Phillies starter Joe Blanton and the Dodgers going into the 9th with a one run lead, Dodger bullpen did not fail at exhibiting their unwavering dependability at blowing games when they matter most.

Home-plate umpire Jerry Layne lost track of the count and allowed Blanton an extra ball before awarding Ethier first base – an error that would prove meaningless as the game turned from unexpected to typical in the 9th inning when Jonathan Broxton blew his 6th game in just 16 opportunities.

Though Broxton was fighting for the still absent role of Dodger Closer, echos in the Chavez Ravine clubhouse sound more and more like Opener after each game the 6′4″ 290 lb Broxton leaves for the opposition’s taking.

Broxton however likes to think positive, reinforcing:

“I grew up in Augusta, GA and was a huge fan of the Master’s, I went every year. I don’t look at Sunday’s loss as a bad thing, but rather a tribute to Phil Mickelson who loses his lead every Sunday year in an year out. He got his green jacket in 2004 and again in 2006, so if I can save just two games all year, it’s been a successful year.”

Dodger insider Christopher Crosby comments:

“Since Andruw Jones‘ stint on the DL, Johnathan Broxton has assumed the role as MVP-TOT, an honor voted on every week and then awarded by skipper Joe Torre with a game ball branded with an asterisk as a tribute to Barry Bond’s record breaking homerun ball.”

The award, Most Valuable Player To Other Team, has only seen the hands of one other Dodger all season, but with the proper dedication and work ethic, GM Ned Colletti believes -

“Everyone will receive the honor at least once, that’s what we’re shooting for. We’re going to need consistency throughout the club if we want to make a serious run at beating the Colorado Rockies out of the coveted number two spot in the West.”

The Dodgers expect to lose the majority of their remaining games but hope not to fall too far behind the last place San Diego Padres who are just 20 games out of first place.

Because after all, this is Banned In Hollywood, it’s only natural that we throw a shout out to our family favorite Alyssa Milano in support of her favorite team, the Los Angeles Dodgers, despite her loyalties to the NY Mets.

If photo evidence weren’t enough, Alyssa Milano is a baseball fan through and through not just because Alyssa’s blog cogitates on baseball, nor because of her past relationships with Carl Pavano, Brad Penny and Barry Zito, or her season Dodger box tickets, but because she chose to show at Chavez Ravine with Manny dreads on head – that’s dedication, Dodger dedication. And what better way to end the week than to see the boys in blue sweep the Phil’s in four games?

Alyssa is so supportive of what the Dodgers are doing that she proposed a $10 K.M.I.L.A.F [Keep Manny In LA Fund] designed to do just that, keep Manny in LA.

Hopefully she gets this thing moving, it would be a bummer to lose Manny to Andruw Jones’ $18 Million yearly salary. Though, at that rate the Dodgers would have to pay Manny around $65 Million per year (based on Jones’ salary to performance ratio, or S2P).

Thank God Jones isn’t much of a trendsetter.

(Last 3 photos at Shea Stadium)

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