Last week we posted the photoshoot of Audrina Patridge’s upcoming issue of Maxim Magazine but today we got a hold on the actual October 2009 Maxim Magazine scans.

Check them out below, you won’t be disappointed (even if Audrina Patridge does have a lazy/wall-eye).

If you’re into Audrina Patridge topless, eating cake, scrubbing the floor, and shooting water stream from a garden hose through her legs you’re probably going to enjoy the October 2009 issue of Maxim Magazine.

If you’re not that kind of guy, you’ll probably enjoy one of these.

For more of Audrina Patridge check out Maxim.com

Vida Guerra poses for Mexico’s version of the popular men’s entertainment mag – Maxim Magazine – like only Vida Guerra can.

Earlier today we learned from Total Pro Sports that Simona Halep wants to and likely will go under the knife for breast reduction surgery later this year.

The seventeen-year-old (keep your pants on guys, she’s almost 18) tennis phenom was born 9.27.1991 in Constanţa, Romania and has turned heads in the tennis world for both her Anna Kournikova-esque talents and for her massive, but soon-to-vanish chest-hams.

Simona Halep tells Pro Sports (poorly translated to English) –

“I do not believe that physical appearance has an effect on performance, so I help with anything in the sport. My mind bust when I go on the field and even if I were sporting, I would have felt very good.

(My Breasts) inconvenience me, it’s very hard with them. It’s a weight in addition to confound me speed response. I can not go on very well. Shoot me down. Nothing in life is not like me even though sport was not all I was doing surgery.

Surgical intervention should take place last year, but probably will use it in autumn, because the postponement might cause problems in the column.”

Not sure what that last line is supposed to mean, but regardless, I say Simona is making a big mistake. Think about it — if Anna Kournikova’s ass got fat she’d be out of work (posing for Maxim).

Simona better hope she matures into a more talented tennis player because no one is going to want to see a Romanian flat-chest on the cover of men’s magazines.

When you stick a woman on the cover of a magazine, you want her to be and look as attractive as possible — this encourages guys to buy the magazine.

When you’re Maxim Magazine and you want to feature Britney Spears on the cover despite the fact that she’s fat, has had too many kids, and is more than a little bit insane, what do you do?

You search back in your files, find a Britney Spears photoshoot from 2002, photoshop her up and release her issue in Germany. No one will ever know the difference.

Yes it’s true–Danneel Harris did a lingerie shoot for Maxim Magazine. But who is she?

If you’re a One Tree Hill fan (I know, I know–they don’t exist) then you know her from her recurring role as the fiery redhead, Rachel Gatina.

If you’re a fan of retarded plotlines (I guess One Tree Hill qualifies here too) that are actually entertaining, then you know her as Kumar’s ex-would-never-happen-in-a-million-years-even-though-you’re-an-actor-girlfriend in Harold & Kumar Escape From Gtmo.

Now for the important stuff…

For more Danneel Harris head on over to AskMen, Maxim Online and COED Magazine.

1. According to an interview she gave on the UK television show The Big Breakfast, she hates wearing panties.

2. In 2001, Kate landed the lead female role in Pearl Harbor after Charlize Theron pulled out to do Sweet November.

3. Was anorexic as a teenager.

4. Quoted as saying: “If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex!”

and

5. “I dropped out of Oxford, and now I only speak Russian with the woman who gives me a bikini-wax. See what Hollywood does to you?”

6. Ranked #21 on the Maxim magazine Hot 100 of 2007 list.

Stephanie Laramore is smokin’

SEXY gallery of mirror self portraits

What the Heck is “Business Festive”? A Guide to Decoding Holiday Party Dress Codes

Ashlee Simpson dabbles in “anal“

Hottest Tennis Players, Vol.II (Gunaxin)

The 10 Hottest Actresses in Holiday Movies

Helen Tucker is T-N-T…dyn-o-mite

Marisa Miller + Harley-Davidson = Good

A Cowboy Story

Commercials that suck the fun out of watching television

If you are easily offended, I recommend you steer your browser away from Banned In Hollywood immediately. Actually, just don’t use the internet at all.

30. Lumpy Love

29. Prevention at its finest.

28. Why use Crystal Shine when you can use Giz?

27. Seriously though, what wife?

26. You can’t really call it bestiality if it’s Grover, right?

25. In this case, on the other hand…

24. This guy could never be the catcher.

23. For that special someone.

22. Best handjob in town aye?

21. A children’s book for starting young.

20. But for when they’re teenagers…

19. Happy Hallowiener up my pumpkin.

18. Not just a little threat, a big threat…

17. Next time go for the Brazilian wax.

16. At least it’s not scratchy.

15. If you’ve already played all the basic games…

14. More fun than an egg hunt.

13. No, no, no. Huge Yank.

12. Nothing says comfort like a dick in your ear.

11. Not just for girls anymore!

10. On Saturday you can expect my massive cock over your house…

9. …and on Thursday I’ll expect your massive cock in my mouth.

8. That’s some found porn from before there even was porn.

7. Cum early for your free pearl necklace…

6. Pulling Cock, for kids.

5. We always knew it was true, might as well see them in action.

4. Santa has never been so happy.

3. You know what they say, everyone can do it…

2. “He nailed him hard and deep in the pocket.” – John Madden

1. Because technically they’re not married.

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Just Released: As of August 1, 2008, popular men’s entertainment magazine, Maxim will begin a major transitional shift. The unexpected shuffling will disband it’s current managerial staff and go through major content renovations as publisher Alpha Media Group attempts to attract a predominantly female audience to the popular men’s magazine, a goal since their 2007 acquisition from Dennis Publishing.

Banned In Hollywood was lucky enough to sit down with source and editor Christopher Crosby.

When asked about the direction of Maxim, Crosby commented, “We’re doing big things and making ambitious moves in order to tap into a key demo, something we were never able to do under Dennis. You don’t realize how big Dennis is, much much bigger than you’d think. And with Dennis on top, fighting to get out of a stranglehold is an impossibility. And for the longest time we just had to take it.”

Maxim’s new direction is clear, their execution even clearer.

“Perezhilton.com is huge but it’s mostly read by female women. We’re talking $18,000 weekly ad slots. Times ten. That’s a demographic we cannot afford to miss out on. We did some shuffeling and hired Blake Lively and Leighton Meester from the CW’s hit show Gossip Girls to report on celebrity gossip, which should attract female readers in flocks. Who better to report on celebrity gossip than celebrities that play gossip girls on a hit telivision show called Gossip Girls that airs on a network that targets gossiping girls? [chuckles] Perfect right? It’s a movie waiting to happen.”

He continued…

“We’re taking a unique angle that will separate Maxim Magazine from blogs like perezhilton.com and celebslam.com in that we’ll compile the month’s gossip to remind people what happened in June, in July. People won’t mind waiting a month to get their news because Maxim is printed on real paper that you can hold, and no one’s ever done that before.”

As far as content is concerned, Maxim locked down several key objects for upcoming shoots, debuting their new look with Sex and the City’s own, Sarah Jessica Parker – making sure not to be too revealing.

Crosby comments, “She’s perfect for the direction we’re moving in. Women love her. They think she’s gorgeous, which is difficult for men to understand. See, women can’t comprehend how photoshop works. They also don’t seem to realize that in order for a man to be attracted to a woman sexually, sexual attraction is key. Sarah jessica Parker has none and doesn’t realize it, which is why we chose her to debut in our campaign to engage female readers.”

We got a sneak peek at a tentative page of Maxim, August 2008.

Just as Crosby projected, zero sexual attraction.

“We chose the background to reflect the average woman’s self esteem, blue suggesting a deep deep sadness. We actually had to lighten it a few shades in order to please our dwindling male readers, the dark background spotlighted the thing we we’re taking the picture of too much, and we wanted Sarah to blend into the plain blue background. Give it a few months and our backgrounds will be completely black.”

If everything goes as smoothly as Crosby makes it sound, post-op Maxim will be out from under the knife by the year’s end.