When you stick a woman on the cover of a magazine, you want her to be and look as attractive as possible — this encourages guys to buy the magazine.

When you’re Maxim Magazine and you want to feature Britney Spears on the cover despite the fact that she’s fat, has had too many kids, and is more than a little bit insane, what do you do?

You search back in your files, find a Britney Spears photoshoot from 2002, photoshop her up and release her issue in Germany. No one will ever know the difference.

You don’t need to know how to speak Spanish to see just how sexy Carmen Electra looks in the March 2009 Spanish language edition of Maxim’s popular men’s magazine (plus no one reads the words anyway).

She was quoted in English (c’mon, she doesn’t know how to speak more than one language, you crazy?) when asked about the men she chooses to sleep with, “I think the dirtier he is, the better he is in the bedroom.” It’s only fitting then, that she’d be stripping down in Maxim’s Mexican publication and not in the American one, right?

I guess that all depends on her definition of “dirty.” If she means “dirty” in an STD sort of way, she’d love my buddy Nick Bartel. But if she defines “dirty” as that third world thing floating in the sewer, she’s going to love the fan-mail she’ll get once Ciudad Juarezians get a hold of the March issue of Maxim.

What does that even mean? I have no idea…. But to be fair (and hopefully sound less racist), I haven’t showered in three days.

For more Carmen Electra head on over here…

Yes it’s true–Danneel Harris did a lingerie shoot for Maxim Magazine. But who is she?

If you’re a One Tree Hill fan (I know, I know–they don’t exist) then you know her from her recurring role as the fiery redhead, Rachel Gatina.

If you’re a fan of retarded plotlines (I guess One Tree Hill qualifies here too) that are actually entertaining, then you know her as Kumar’s ex-would-never-happen-in-a-million-years-even-though-you’re-an-actor-girlfriend in Harold & Kumar Escape From Gtmo.

Now for the important stuff…

For more Danneel Harris head on over to AskMen, Maxim Online and COED Magazine.

Gina Carano, MMA fighter and ex American Gladiator has been busy inside the ring but has also made time for a recent Maxim photoshoot.

Check out the gallery below and then head on over to Maxim for more Carano. She’s the face (and body) of women’s MMA and you won’t want to miss her.

How you know her: True Lies. Remember? Dana! Grab daddy’s han! She was also in The New Guy, Bring It On, and Wrong Turn. She is well known for her acting on (forgettable) television shows, specifically in her recurring appearances on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.

Other stuff to click:

Zdenka Podkapova is smokin’ hot (Busted Coverage)

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer ended it in the bahamas (Popsugar)

Does Rihanna still love Chris Brown? (Popbytes)

Amy Winehouse still disgusting (Celebslam)

Top 10 Punk’d Pranks  (YepYep)

Jenny McCarthy is Still Hot, $50 Million Richer (MoonDog Sports)

My favorite spam (9 to Fried)

Five New Career Paths for Chris Brown (Gunaxin)

Gonzaga Mascot gets a bit inappropriate with cheerleader (The World of Isaac)

Blonde Boxer Banned Because of Boobs (The Bachelor Guy)

Between Two Ferns: Zach Galifianakis interviews Jon Hamm (Brahsome)

Katy Perry Is That Girl You Should Have Slept With In High School (The Beer Goggler)

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Maxim Online made it known that Randi, a member of the Houston Texans’ Cheerleader Squad is the hottest cheerleader in the NFL. Usually when we hear about these types of rankings, especially after AskMen named Anne Hathaway 5th Hottest Woman In The World when she should have been named 5th Woman Resembling Frieda Kahlo, we become skeptackle.

But after careful review, Randi tops just about every list that anyone should make about any woman from any part of the world.

Randi says:

Hometown: Deer Park, Texas

Age: 20

Occupation: Licensed cosmetologist

Career goal: My goal is to always challenge myself. I am a firm believer in being able to do anything you want to do in life if you put your mind to it. Doing hair is definitely an artistic career so I think I would also enjoy becoming a makeup artist one day.

Hobbies: I really enjoy going to the beach, all types of water sports, playing volleyball, riding motorcycles (I will have my motorcycle license one day!), watching movies and reading a good book. I have also recently taken up cooking!

Songs on my iPod: I have over 1,000 songs on my iPod, but right now some of my favorites are “What You Got” by Colby O’Donis and Madonna’s “4 Minutes”. I also love 80’s music and, of course, all my old favorites by ZZ Top, Aerosmith, Motley Crue and Guns N Roses.

Favorite CD/CD’s: All of Rascal Flatts’ albums. They really know how to make good music! And if I had to pick just one favorite ZZ Top CD it would have to be “Eliminator.”

Favorite TV show: “The Tudors,” “The Girls Next Door” and I like to watch any UFC fight when I can catch one

Favorite movie: “Iron Man,” “Pearl Harbor,” “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and “300″

And now for the important stuff…

Marisa Miller was spotted on St. Barts beach readying herself, and taking part in her first of many swimsuit shoots in 2009. If you don’t know who she is, this is likely your first time on the internets. If this is true, here’s a quick briefing via chickipedia:

Marisa Miller is an American supermodel. She is known for her many appearances in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issues and Victoria’s Secret catalogs.

She loves football, muscle cars and cooking which makes her the coolest supermodel on the planet, as well as the hottest. Voted #9 in the AskMen.com’s Top 99 Women 2008 Edition. She was also voted Hottest Babe 2008 by Maxim Magazine.

Impressive, right? Wait till you see the gallery below…

If you’re like me, then you think that because you got a brand new penile implant to enlarge your package to “pick up the chicks these days,” Megan Fox will be in your back pocket by the years end.

But your wrong, because while your junk grew two sizes too large, the baby pink shower puff ball that your ex left in your bathroom didn’t – and as you might imagine, a penile implanted package is difficult to clean.

What you need is the Axe Detailer.

To get one, go to the Axe Detailer Facebook Group and post the following on the wall:

I need a Detailer!

bannedinhollywood.com

The kind people at Axe will be more than happy to send you one free of charge, but remember, they only have a limited number to give away, so be one of the first to post to ensure you get yours.

see more at Maxim.com

When it comes to beautiful women, the Banned In Hollywood team makes sure to give the most deserving their very own post, and who better than Marisa Miller to start off your week? My only complaint about Miss Miller is that she attended a Party at the Pool and failed to wear a bikini.

Given the party was under Harrah’s roof, I believe making her entrance clad as scantily as has been seen in Maxim would have made much better news. Regardless, we can’t complain too much…

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