Posts Tagged ‘Moron’

If you’re like me, playing golf is not enjoyable without a tall cool can of beer in one hand, and a tall cool can of beer in the other.

But what are you supposed to do when you’ve had too much to drink and need to use the restroom while stranded on the middle of the course?

Take a leak in the bushes? Gasp. How embarrassing!

With the Uro Club your troubles are finally over. While you’re standing on the green waiting for your buddies to putt, simply remove the stealthy Uro Club from your bag, secure the provided Uro Towel around your waist, unzip your pants and insert your penis into the club’s massive black shaft–now piss away!

Even while they watch you fumble for your junk, sigh, and begin to shiver, your friends will never suspect a thing!

Never be embarrassed by anything but your golf game again–buy the Uro Club today!

(fun in the golden shower squirt toy attachment sold separately)

–”Mike, can I borrow that green towel you’ve got draped over your genitals?”

–”Dammit Jim, can’t you see that I’m checking out my club?”

There’s a reason why stupid people do stupid things when they find themselves stuck in stupid situations that result from their own stupidity–they’re not so bright (or they’re Tom Cruise).

This is what happens when stupid people brainlesstorm.

Some people are extremely unlucky–so unlucky that at times I pity them for being beaten down repeatedly by the hard fist that, for so many people, is the reality of their existence.

Other people are just stupid.

Michael Otero pulled into the lot of a 7-11 convenience store (only convenient if you’re trying to gain 30 pounds by the end of the month by eating cheese injected hot dogs that have been sitting on the rotisserie since yesterday of last week) and parked his newly purchased red pickup truck with a manual transmission directly in front of the store.

He got out of the vehicle, entered the store, and began his nightly routine by purchasing the most unhealthy food available to the greater Laguna Beach community.

When he returned to his truck–he was struck with the greatest fear that any man who hates walking and doesn’t exercise can imagine–his truck was gone and his hands were full of crinkle cut cheddar cheese fries and a family sized bag of Baken-Ets brand zero-carb fried pork skins.

For 120 seconds, Otero debated whether it was worth dropping one of the delicious treats in order to free up a hand to dial 9-1-1 on his mobile phone, but he decided that the call could wait. He stood in the parking lot, sad, alone, and staring blankly at where his car had been while trying to come up with some logical explanation for his truck’s disappearance.

“It’s almost like a ghost,” Otero said scientifically.

After he devoured his fries, he dialed 9-1-1 with his greasy sausage fingers and told the operator on the other end that his car had been stolen. Laguna Beach Police responded in minutes because they had nothing better to do in the quiet beach town, and hoping to catch a glimpse of the culprit, pulled the surveillance video from the convenience store.

This is what they saw.

“I still don’t believe it,” said Otero–continuing profoundly, “This is like a car hole-in-one.”

I don’t know what it is, but this video always gets me. I posted it a while back but I think it deserves another feature. Stupid people really deserve more respect than they get. We put this huge price tag on celebrities, but morons entertain us just as much, if not more. We’re not going to see Seth Rogen or Jonah Hill diving face first off a hill into the mud. And that deserves something right?