Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

Even if you can’t stand them, their fans, or the fact that Tom Brady sleeps with one of your lifelong fantasies every night, you have to respect what the New England Patriots have accomplished in the last half a century.

The Pats have made 16 playoff appearances, won 11 Division Championships, 6 Conference Championships, and have won 3 Superbowl titles (all of which have come in the last 10 years).

To honor their success, Gillette created this tributary video.

In case you were wondering, the cast includes:

Players singing – Matt Light, Adalius Thomas, Dan Koppen, and Logan Mankins
Cheers Star - John Ratzenberger (Cliff), shot of the Bull & Finch Bar
Super Fans - The Flag Lady (Karen Hourigan) and The License Plate Guy (Jason Scheinbart)

BREAKING – For Brett Favre, his days of bawling during press conferences are coming to an end. Brett Favre announced earlier today that he will in fact stay retired and not return for another painful season in the NFL. ESPN’s Kevin Seifert reports,

Quarterback Brett Favre has informed Minnesota Vikings officials that he will remain retired, according to The Star Tribune.

Coach Brad Childress confirmed the news to the Star Tribune, leaving the Vikings in an unexpected and awkward spot with training camp set to open Wednesday. The Vikings are now left to choose between Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels as their 2009 starter.

“I just think it was a rare opportunity to explore a Hall of Fame quarterback who had background in the NFC and in this division,” Childress said to the newspaper. “He knows our system inside out … This doesn’t change anything about how I feel about our football team.”

What can we expect now? A second re-re-return to the NFL in 2009 after announcing he’s staying retired? Probably. And if not, at least one more tear-filled press conference.

I used to love Favre, but after all this flip-flopping heartbreak BS, I’m glad he didn’t get Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary.

Speaking of Brett Favre sobbing, head on over to the Official Brett Favre Sob-Sister Gallery.

Maxim Online made it known that Randi, a member of the Houston Texans’ Cheerleader Squad is the hottest cheerleader in the NFL. Usually when we hear about these types of rankings, especially after AskMen named Anne Hathaway 5th Hottest Woman In The World when she should have been named 5th Woman Resembling Frieda Kahlo, we become skeptackle.

But after careful review, Randi tops just about every list that anyone should make about any woman from any part of the world.

Randi says:

Hometown: Deer Park, Texas

Age: 20

Occupation: Licensed cosmetologist

Career goal: My goal is to always challenge myself. I am a firm believer in being able to do anything you want to do in life if you put your mind to it. Doing hair is definitely an artistic career so I think I would also enjoy becoming a makeup artist one day.

Hobbies: I really enjoy going to the beach, all types of water sports, playing volleyball, riding motorcycles (I will have my motorcycle license one day!), watching movies and reading a good book. I have also recently taken up cooking!

Songs on my iPod: I have over 1,000 songs on my iPod, but right now some of my favorites are “What You Got” by Colby O’Donis and Madonna’s “4 Minutes”. I also love 80’s music and, of course, all my old favorites by ZZ Top, Aerosmith, Motley Crue and Guns N Roses.

Favorite CD/CD’s: All of Rascal Flatts’ albums. They really know how to make good music! And if I had to pick just one favorite ZZ Top CD it would have to be “Eliminator.”

Favorite TV show: “The Tudors,” “The Girls Next Door” and I like to watch any UFC fight when I can catch one

Favorite movie: “Iron Man,” “Pearl Harbor,” “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and “300″

And now for the important stuff…

Seconds after Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald scored on a touchdown pass from Kurt Warner to put the birds in the lead, Tucson, Arizona based Comcast Cable subscribers expected an end-zone dance but received a money shot.

Officials at the cable provider’s headquarters explained that 30 seconds of full-frontal male pornography from Club Jenna, an adult cable television channel, were shown on the local Super Bowl telecast to families and children of all ages–a scarring that will surely confuse young boys into believing that every time Larry Fitzgerald scores, massive white cocks will be pulled out of jeans and tossed around like thundersticks at Los Angeles Lakers games.

“The Star newsroom was flooded with calls from irate viewers who said that the porn cut into the game with less than three minutes left to play.

Callers said that the clip showed a woman unzipping a man’s pants, followed by a graphic act between the two.

“I just figured it was another commercial until I looked up,” said Cora King of Marana. “Then he did his little dance with everything hanging out.”

If you weren’t unlucky enough to be subjected to the massive white flesh-flute, follow this link if you must–the full video is provided (NSFW).

Something tells me Matt Leinart was behind this.

His goal - Draft every player from his favorite NFL team, regardless of skill.

Look, we get that you’re a diehard Houston Texans fan. How could you not be? They’ve been in the league what, all but 8 years? But no one was going to take Matt Schaub in 2nd round or even the 10th. This drafter will justify his choices by saying he gets “double points” when his QB throws a touchdown to his wide receivers. He tends to forget that this is a two-way street and will get “double zeros” when his team gets shutdown.

Record: 6-8

His goal – Draft players rated highly in Madden.

This guy was the one taking Michael Vick in the first round a few years ago. And if he was able to, he’d take him again this year. He drafts players based on their highlight reels, which is why he thinks Devin Hester is a steal in the 3rd round.

Record: 4-10

His goal - To avoid the live draft.

No matter how much you try to compromise on a draft time that everyone will be able to make, this guy will find a way not to show up. And he usually gets first or second pick. However after the computer takes Peyton Manning or LaDanian Tomlinson, he’s left with the cupboard bare when the computer drafts two kickers in the first ten rounds. Inevitably, he’ll IM you and complain about his team and never bother to reorder his roster for the remainder of the season.

Record: 3-11