“All of the experts agree if the first drug doesn’t work, the execution is going to be excruciating,” Cooey’s public defender, Kelly Culshaw Schneider, said Monday.

I’m no expert but since when was state sanctioned execution ever not excruciating? Isn’t that the whole point? I’m pretty sure no one can sum up their capitol punishment by recounting how comfortable and fun the experience was.

Seriously guys, I tried Atkins.

What a conundrum. I typically think that fat people should be put to death so that the rest of humanity doesn’t have to suffer by being around them. Now you’re telling me that people are “too fat” to execute? What next, a woman is “too hot” to date me? Oh, I see your point.

Banned in Hollywood’s suggestion: Death by harpoons.