I’m torn between John Daly and Lenny Dykstra. How am I supposed to choose between a man who made and then lost all his money, and a man who’s stumblingly drunkenly in his footsteps (and into Hooters)?

Head on over to the official poll and cast your vote.

Then they heard about the race card and thought, “it’s better we let this bastard get away with murder than have a bunch of angry retards that can’t spell trying to run us over with their Nissan Altimas.” And to this day, no OJ trial juror has been run over by an Altima.

Safe play jury, safe play.

I started to convince myself that it was illegal, but now in retrospect, how could this be illegal if it’s legal for OJ Simpson to kill his wife?

The Clean: NFL running back Ricky Willaims was arrested Feb. 21, 2000, for failing to sign a minor traffic ticket. Williams, driving his 1999 Hummer swerved the $80,000 truck from the far right lane to the far left lane without signaling, disrupting traffic on a three-lane street in Austin, Texas.

The Dirty: His mugshot revealed that he was as stoned as a witch in Salem, which addresses three things: why he wouldn’t sign the ticket, why there was a bucket of all dark meat KFC chicken wings in his lap (why he was swerving), and why he decided to “quit” the NFL temporarily… Brotha gotta get high.

6. Tony “Wild Turkey” LaRussa

The Clean: St. Louis Cardinal skipper, Tony LaRussa was arrested by Jupiter, Florida police in March 2007 and was charged with drunk driving. He was found slumped over the wheel at an intersection.

The Dirty: His notoriously red face isn’t a chameleon adaptation onset by wearing Cardinal red. Lay off the sauce LaRussa.

5. Kimbo Slice

The Clean: MMA fighter Kimbo Slice was arrested by Miami Beach cops in May 2002 on gun and open container charges.

The Dirty: The district Judge dropped the charges when he saw this video and realized how bad his life could hurt.

4. Kobe Bryant

The Clean: LA Laker Kobe Bryant was arrested by Colorado cops on July 4, 2003 for allegedly sexually assaulting a 19-year-old hotel employee. If you haven’t heard about this, buy this book called Green Eggs And Ham by Dr. Seuss and just start from the beginning.

The Dirty: Uh… She was 19… What’s the problem?

3. Tonya Harding

The Clean: Olympic skater Tonya Harding was booked into a Clark County, Washington lockup in February 2000 on a domestic violence charge after punching and then throwing a hubcap at an ex boyfriend.

The Dirty: Betcha never thought a white chick would make this list did ya? That said, gotta ask yourself if she had a spare hubcap in her living room or if she pried the hubcap off a car, then hit the poor guy. The boyfriend should have used his Nancy Kerrigan bashing skills and broke Harding’s little white trash legs.

2. O.J. Simpson

The Clean: Do you really have to ask?

The Dirty: Everything but the dress… or was that Clinton?

The Clean: O.J. was arrested in September 2007 for the alleged armed robbery of a memorabilia dealer in a Las Vegas hotel room.

The Dirty: His first mugshot reads, Holy $hit I just killed two people. His second, Holy fu�k I just killed two people and I got away with it! And they say cops are always hating on black people…

1. Charles Barkley

The Clean: In 1991 Charles Barkley was arrested for punching a guy in the face.

The Dirty: Next time punch him harder so he doesn’t get up and call the cops on your unmistakable ten foot ass.

The Clean: Six years later Barkley hurled an Orlando bar patron through a plate-glass window.

The Dirty: Now that’s just badass.

Honorable Mentions:

From Left to Right: Kirby Puckett, Neon Dion, Andre The Giant, Mike Tyson