Today I was at a coffee shop in Westwood Village which, if you don’t know, is at and around UCLA. And if you’re like me, then you like your coffee like you don’t like your women – black. Which is fine, it’s a personal preference just like being gay is.

That said, I avoided the “Splenda Bar” and headed for the door when, from the corner of my eye, I noticed something a bit odd creeping through the window.

It was a shirtless bum that appeared to have lost something either down the rear of his pants or up the crack of his ass and was spending his afternoon trying to solve the mystery himself. After watching the above video, I’m glad I didn’t offer him a hand.