Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

if you missed, Part 1, fear not because I just linked you. To recap, these are reasons 5-8 of why women cheated on their boyfriends. To be fair, they could have 1000 reasons to cheat and none would make sense. Enjoy.

Reason #5: She deserves better

“When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was.”

Sounds like a healthy relationship so far. To be fair to Ethan, you did write “I was” twice in a sentence.

“For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him.”

“You’re just jealous of our love!”

“One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off.”

I’m assuming he was critical, made snide comments about your weight, and told you how stupid you were. That seems like the recipe for success thus far.

“He was the complete opposite of Ethan kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act.”

So like a mature, relationship-worthy girl, you broke it off with Ethan before pursuing anything physical with Will.

“I hooked up with Will the night before he left, and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we’re married.” Allison, 30, New York, NY

“You cheated on your boyfriend to be with me?”

“Yeah.”

“F-ckin’ sweet. Let’s get married.”

A few weeks ago, I spotted this gem of a woman. If you didn’t get to send her an email, fret not! For I have found 8 more women who may fit your mold of perfection.

I’m glad I don’t have a subscription to Cosmo because I’m sure it would end in a murder-suicide. The reason being is that I imagine every article to be like the one I’m about to share you with you fine readers. While browsing for internet porn, I was hit with a link called “Why I Cheated.” The article in question is a list of 8 reasons why women cheated on their significant other.

Warning: The following contains whore-speak which may be dangerous to your mental and logical health. Reader discretion is advised.

Reason #1 There’s No Passion

“I had been with John for about three years he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion.”

If only there were a phrase for this kind of female and male interaction… Oh there is. Platonic friends. You’re welcome.

“Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject.”

“The reason I brought you here tonight is because I wanted this to be a special moment for us. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think I want to spend the rest of my life-”

“Where is that waiter? It’s been like 5 minutes. I clearly need a refill on my water. The service at this place is horrid.”

“I’m sure he’ll be around. What I wanted to ask though is if you’d-”

“God, I’m so bloated. I think I’m going to order a salad tonight.”

*Shuts ring box, makes mental note to kill self.*

“I took a trip to Australia for work, and while I was gone, I got together with a co-worker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing.”

“I experienced that excitement I’d been missing… getting railed by a co-worker and betraying my loving boyfriend while he wondered how my trip was going.”

“I broke up with John soon after I returned home, and began dating the guy from the trip.”

“But not before my co-worker and I had lots of sex on our bed while John was working overtime.”

“Even though I’m not super-proud of my actions, things ended up for the best: After dating for a few years, the guy from the trip and I got married, and we’re incredibly happy together.”

Yes, a relationship based on lies, secrecy, and infidelity is totally the type of precedent to pursue a relationship. Lesson learned kids: cheating is bad unless you meet your future spouse.

Giselle, 30, Montvale, NJ

Well at least THAT makes sense.

Reason #2 To delay a breakup

“Right before I was going to break up with my ex, Sean, he found out that he had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He was so broken up about it that I didn’t have the heart to end things, so I waited a month or so until he was in better shape.”

Fair enough.

“When things seemed to be better and I was ready, he lost his job, so I felt like I was back to square one”

Putting his dog to sleep and losing his job in a month? Man, it’s a good thing he has such a loving and supportive girlfriend by his side…

“By that time, I had met someone else that I really wanted to start seeing, so I went ahead and did it.”

See.

This confuses me. The girl did her best by putting off the break-up, so he’d only have to eat a single layer sh-t sandwich. Then on a whim, she decides, “Nope, not good enough. I need to cheat on this dog-killing, job losing son of a bitch.” Then does.

“I eventually ended things, never telling Sean about my extra-curricular dating. I think I rationalized that I was trying to spare his feelings.”

I rationalize it with you being an evil whore. Tomato, tomahto.

Stacy, 30, Lexington, KY

And they lived happily ever after… in a double wide.