So… how does it work?

Last week we posted the photoshoot of Audrina Patridge’s upcoming issue of Maxim Magazine but today we got a hold on the actual October 2009 Maxim Magazine scans.

Check them out below, you won’t be disappointed (even if Audrina Patridge does have a lazy/wall-eye).

“I would have been a disaster in the Garden of Eden. I’m terrible with temptation”

Real Name: Olivia Jane Cockburn (pronounced Co-burn… yea sure)

Hometown: New York City, New York

Credentials: The OC, House, Year One, The Black Donnellys

Important to note: Olivia Wilde was named Maxim Magazine’s hottest woman of 2009

How you know her: Because Chickipedia exists, we know she is a “correspondent for both The Today Show and Access Hollywood, Maria is also cobbling together something of an acting career. She has appeared on the TV shows Without a Trace (Poppy Montgomery, Roselyn Sanchez), One Tree Hill (Sophia Bush, Hilary Burton, Chad Michael Murray) and Scrubs, the movies Fantastic Four (Jessica Alba) and Kickin It Old School (Vivica A. Fox).

She was also in the Jessica Simpson video “Public Affair,” along with fellow sizzlers Eva Longoria, Christina Applegate and Christina Millian (Maria’s the one beating the crap out of Jessica Simpson… and providing catharsis for much of America). Maria also files an occasional report for the NBC Nightly News, proving she can handle the hard news in addition to the entertainment beat.”

Today’s Links:

• A 19-year-old Jew model you’ll like – no kidding [Uncoached]
• Rip off these fake leaves and you have Sabrina topless [on205th]
• Yep, the BC intern struck out with Maja [CelebSlam]
• Best ass we’ve seen all week on Ms. Zita in Hungary FHM [SaltyMilk]
• Adriana Karembeau is sexy [BustedCoverage]
• 10 All-Time Hottest Cleavage Commercials [Manofest]

Heidi Cortez grew up in San Bernardino, California (figures) and ever since she was twelve, she knew she wanted to be a model. When elementary school kids came dressed to school in the outfits worn at the jobs they one day wished to have, most kids came dressed as firefighters, cops, and doctors, but Heidi Cortez came dressed as a model.

A few years later, Heidi recorded an album called “Sexxy Noises,” a masterpiece which Howard Stern got a hold of and played on air. Heidi explains,

“I sent the CD into Howard and for two years they played bits of it over and over again. I have been a Howard Stern fan since I was 12 and one day Howard asked if anyone could track down the owner of the voice behind the Sexxy Noises CD. I happened to be listening and rang in immediately.”

She was asked to come in to the show, got naked, was hired by Playboy, started taking her clothes off more frequently and for more money, and has been modeling ever since.

» kim kardashian is showing off her many curves in the new ‘complex’ magazine popoholic
» what did britney spears do in the bathroom with one of her tour dancers? hollyscoop
» spot the flaw gallery! first up: paris hilton! yikes – what’s that on her lip? the superficial
» is rihanna already moving on with washed up (but cute) actor wilmer valderrama? celebslam
» is anyone surprised that audrina patridge might have a drug problem? (no) pop on the pop
» jesus luz is swearing he didn’t cheat on madonna with a much younger woman cele|bitchy
» shocker of the day: alex rodriguez used the services of high-class hookers a socialite’s life
» lindsay lohan is desperate for everyone to believe in her (girlfriend needs a job!) popsugar
» david letterman finally got hitched to his long-time girlfriend regina in case you didn’t know
» i don’t see how any woman could put up with the antics of danny bonaduce i’m not obsessed

You don’t need to know how to speak Spanish to see just how sexy Carmen Electra looks in the March 2009 Spanish language edition of Maxim’s popular men’s magazine (plus no one reads the words anyway).

She was quoted in English (c’mon, she doesn’t know how to speak more than one language, you crazy?) when asked about the men she chooses to sleep with, “I think the dirtier he is, the better he is in the bedroom.” It’s only fitting then, that she’d be stripping down in Maxim’s Mexican publication and not in the American one, right?

I guess that all depends on her definition of “dirty.” If she means “dirty” in an STD sort of way, she’d love my buddy Nick Bartel. But if she defines “dirty” as that third world thing floating in the sewer, she’s going to love the fan-mail she’ll get once Ciudad Juarezians get a hold of the March issue of Maxim.

What does that even mean? I have no idea…. But to be fair (and hopefully sound less racist), I haven’t showered in three days.

For more Carmen Electra head on over here…

When we’re tired of searching for funny crap, making lists, writing articles, and photoshopping, we gather up a bunch of photos of Marisa Miller wearing as little as possible (even if they’re pictures that we’ve used before from two years ago), slap together a couple of meaningless sentences that no one should bother reading, and hit publish.

Today is one of those days…

If you thought the Guitar Hero commercial featuring Heidi Klum was sexy, brace yourself (unless you were partial to the A-Rod version) for Guitar Hero’s upcoming commercial starring everyone’s favorite Marisa Miller.

Though we don’t have much info on how the final cut will look (all the photos are shot with Marisa in front of a greenscreen) we do know that Miller won’t be wearing the classic “Risky Business” white dress shirt as seen in Klum’s commercial.

She will be wearing much less.