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Beth, no matter how hard you try, it’s just not going to happen – Take off the braces, now.

What do you get when you cross 2008 Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson, 16 year old body builder Richard Sandrak wearing a speedo, and a hairy beaver? I know you’re thinking something along the lines of a transexual version of a naked Danny DeVito, but you’d be wrong.

Correct answer?

Shawn Johnson in a Bikini.

Word on the street is that her parents mortgaged their house several times to keep her in gymnastics – they better hope she gets some sponsorships that are at least as big as, well… her legs.

I figure to round it out, it only to makes sense to throw in a picture of Shawn’s 2008 Beijing teammates in bikinis as well. So without further ado, here is Nastia Liukin and Alicia Sacramone – As far as I’m concerned, you’ve got to give Sacramone the gold.

Even though their names sound Eastern European, or in the case of Shawn Johnson, Celtic (the Boston kind) – this trifecta is actually the cornerstone of Team USA’s female artistic gymnastic discipline.

Coming in at under 5′2″, The trio is a perfect fit in China – Less their gender, we all know how the Chinese people (government) cherish their baby girls.

Shawn Johnson

Date of birth: January 19, 1992 (age 16)
Place of birth: West Des Moines, Iowa
Height: 4′9″

Keep your pants on guys, she’s only 16.

Nastia Liukin

Full name: Anastasia Valeryevna Liukin
Date of birth: October 30, 1989 (age 18)
Place of birth: Moscow
Height: 5′2″

Alicia Sacramone

Date of birth: December 3, 1987 (age 20)
Place of birth: Winchester, Massachusetts
Height: 5′0″