Posts Tagged ‘Stephen Colbert’

To honor President Barack Obama on his birthday, Stephen Colbert invited Esquire’s mixologist David Wondrich – the man behind Alcohol (and how to mix it) – to The Report to loosen up the mood with a few Depression and Civil War era cocktails.

Wondrich takes Colbert back to the Great Depression and mixes The Original Daiquiri – consisting of (smuggled) Cuban rum, sugar, and the juice of half a lime, shaken over ice.

Next on the menu, Wondrich blends a Civil War era drink made with whiskey, bitters, sugar, and a hint of lime – which Stephen suggests could have possibly been the cause of the war.

Finally, Wondrich unveils the greatest Colbert Bump of all time – The Colbert Bump Cocktail –  a special blend of cherry liqueur (cherry brandy), a few “liberal” pours of good ole’ Republican gin, and lemon juice (to keep away the scurvy). It may not be the manliest drink at the bar (could also be called the cherry blossom?), but if you order The Colbert Bump the next time you’re at the bar, you will undoubtedly get laid – I promise (you just might have to cross the tracks and head to West Hollywood to do so).

Time does interesting things to people — for some, time does to appearance what alcohol does to most socialites’ vision — it makes ugly people beautiful, but others are less fortunate.

The aging process can be cruel, and for many people (and by many people I mean Tara Reid), the aging process can transform the most attractive woman (not Tara Reid) in the world into Sarah Jessica Parker.

Alas… Here. We. Go…

Alyssa Milano

Victoria Beckham

Little Rascal/Wal-Mart clerk

Tobey Maguire

Steve Urkel

Scarlett Johansson

Punky Brewster

Jeremy Piven/Michael Barth?

Brad Pitt

Pamela Manderson

Jerry O’Connell

Nicole Eggert

Mike Rowe

Mark Hamill

Marilyn Manson

Lindsay Lohan

Lil’ John

Leo DiCaprio

Stephanie from Full House

Karen from The Office

John Travolta

John Stewart

Michael Jackson

Ice Man

Hulk Hogan

Hayden Panettiere

Ricky Gervais

Edward Furlong

Fat Ginger from various 90’s era kid’s movies

Eric Bana

Elijah Wood

Dick Cheney

Elisha Cuthbert

Plays the ‘Creepy Dude’ in every movie he’s in

Creed from The Office

Nikki Cox (damn shame)

Stephen Colbert

Clint Eastwood

Charlie from Willy Wonka

That Guy

Roided Carrots

Bret McKenzie

Christian F_cking Bale

Angelina Jolie

Anakin Skywalker (just landed a role as ‘clerk’ in the upcoming LA based Wal-Mart)

Amy Winehouse

Carlton from Fresh Prince

Barry Balco Bonds

Tara Reid

For all of you who missed Stephen Colbert on Larry King last night, you really missed something special. So I scoured the internet long and hard (thanks youtube) and found the pot of gold at the end of my colorful and arching quest for the man who could have, and should have been on the Democratic ticket.

Unfortunately for me, and the rest of the Not So United States of America, Colbert dropped out. But unlike his candidacy, his